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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DD to her dad's? quick responses needed

25 replies

GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 10:34

I have been very ill for the last two days. Bad fever, sore throat and very energyless. I didn't go to work yesterday and spent the whole day sleeping. One of DD's friends mums took her to school and brought her back.

She is supposed to go to her dad's tonight, but I'm just worried in case DD has what I have/had (feeling slightly better today) and then passes it on to ExP or his other DD.

She's still sleeping at the moment (nothing unusual there) and I went in there and felt her forehead which doesn't seem hot at all, though she did say yesterday evening that her throat was hurting slightly.

Part of me would love the peace and quiet in the house to recuperate, however I would feel extremely guilty if a) DD was ill and she wasn't in the comfort of her own home and b) if ExP and his DD were to get ill.

So WWYD?

OP posts:
mumnotmachine · 07/01/2012 10:36

Send her

mellowcat · 07/01/2012 10:36

I would send her.

MrsSleepy · 07/01/2012 10:36

I would leave the ball in his court, Let him know the situation

mumnotmachine · 07/01/2012 10:36

Ak her how she feels when she gets up though- if shes poorly then she may not want to go anyway

Pickgo · 07/01/2012 10:36

Seehow she is when she wakes up. If she has no symptoms send her.

WorraLiberty · 07/01/2012 10:37

A slightly hurting throat yesterday could mean nothing at all today.

I don't really think you can decide until she's awake and moving around.

buggyRunner · 07/01/2012 10:38

How old is his dd2? If she is a baby I would tell him and suggest she stays home (still his decision)

2rebecca · 07/01/2012 10:39

I would send her. her father should be able to cope with an ill child, and she hasn't really had an illness yet, different if she was bedbound all yesterday. Just warn him she may get ill. My kids still go back and forth with minor illnesses. Their dad is quite able to cope with them being in bed all day and needing nursed.

tigerlillyd02 · 07/01/2012 10:40

I too would leave the ball in his court...

PeanutButterCupCake · 07/01/2012 10:53

If she's not actually Ill send her as normal, let exp know you've been ill.

Purpleroses · 07/01/2012 10:58

I'd send her if you really need the peace to recover in, whether or not she's ill. But if you'd be just as happy to have her stay with you, then leave it to him to decide if he wants her, tellling him the risk.

mrstiredandconfused · 07/01/2012 11:03

Tell ex-p of the situation and let dd and him decide. Do you really have the energy to be sortung it all out when you don't really have to?

Nagoo · 07/01/2012 11:09

If she's not ill, send her.

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 11:20

Hi all, sorry have just got out of the bath as I stank due to the fever sweats (sorry Blush TMI)

Well DD is up, very perky, says no sore throat and is happy to go to dad's house (it's only a mile away so perfectly possible to pick her up if she feels ill).

EXP knows I haven't been well as I text to ask if he could pick her up as I didn't feel I could drive and he doesn't drive so that never happens. His other DD is older (our DD is 6, and his DD who lives with him is 10).

Thank you for all your replies and as she's perky and bouncy aroundy Confused I think I'll let him pick her up, but will say that I'm happy to pick her up if she starts to feel ill.

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 07/01/2012 11:24

Let him deal with a poorly child, his other dd lives with him so he's clearly capable. You need the time to recuperate so you can carry on being the best parent you can Wink

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 11:26

Thanks Purple :)

OP posts:
MummytoKatie · 07/01/2012 12:02

Just wanted to post that you seem like a really nice person and should be made into a blueprint for "how to co-parent with an ex".

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 12:15

Thank you MummytoKatie. I have to say that it's not like that at all and EXP pisses me off no end, however I try and be the bigger person for DDs' sake (his as well as she is lovely). Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

He has picked her up now and admitted that he was going to meet a friend in the pub with DDs in tow. Not a child friendly pub by any means either.

This is another issue which has driven me mad with EXP. I disagree with him taking DD to the pub as he has her one night in a fortnight (that's all year, doesn't have her extra for holidays or anything) and surely he can go for one day without going to the pub. I've seen him more than tipsy when in charge of his own DD and that worries me too, but I don't want to stop DD seeing her dad so that she'll grow up to resent me for it. But at the same time I wonder if I'm doing her more damage by letting her find out for herself?

Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

OP posts:
olibeansmummy · 07/01/2012 16:16

Yes send her! You sound like a lovely mum. Dss's mum wouldn't think twice about sending him when he's I'll, but then we wouldn't think twice about having him. As for the pub, yes he should be able to manage 1 night a fortnight without going to the pub! I wouldn't stop her going or yes, she may grow to resent you, but keep encouraging him not to go!

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/01/2012 17:20

"He has picked her up now and admitted that he was going to meet a friend in the pub with DDs in tow."

you make it sound like he is doing something wrong.

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 17:29

If it was once in a while BoneyBackJefferson and I was sure he knew when to stop then no it wouldn't be wrong. If it was for a meal it wouldn't be wrong.

If it's just so he can sit and talk to one of his mates whilst having pint after pint then I think it's a bit much EVERY time he has DD ....?

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 07/01/2012 17:45

I am genuinely curious

why are you keeping such a close eye on DD's father?

if you are worried for her safety you could stop her from going?

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 17:57

It's a small town and my best mate drinks at the same local (which he knows, and even speaks to my best mate all the time too) and another friend serves behind the bar there. Plus his drinking was one of the issues which caused us to break up so I know what he's like.

And that's my point, in that now she's old enough to sort of look after herself (i.e. get a drink if she needs it, go to the fridge if she needs food) then I don't want to stop her seeing him so that she'll resent me for it when she's older, but I wonder if she'll hate me when she's older for not stopping her IYKNWIM.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 07/01/2012 18:02

she won't hate you for not stopping her seeing her dad.

when she decides that she doesn't like it and doesn't want to she him then you can step in :)

as has been said on many occasions on here by people much wiser than me, she will let you know.

Original poster
GreatBallsOfFluff · 07/01/2012 18:21

Thanks boney. Still doesn't stop me worrying though :)

OP posts:
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