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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

at my Sister?

29 replies

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:20

Hi All. MY DS is 7 soon and my Sister is 30 the day after. My sister has had a really tough year and wanted a family meal. When she mentioned it she was vague and I just said yes but it was ds birthday and of course I would want to be with him on his bday but yes would love to join her for hers too if poss. She spoke to my Mum with me in background recently and Mum said what about 2 dos, one with friends, one with family. (I live 160 miles away) No more was said. I spoke to sister today and she has booked a meal on ds bday and said she was hurt about it all and did not want her bday celebrations on another weekend as my mum had suggested! all week I have been thinking about how I could do the 2 and was planning to go up sat evening.
Also she is being demanding with what she wants for presents too. Fist she said she wanted camel leather gloves. said she saw some in accessorize. when i looked the camel ones were suede. i rang her and she said no they must be camel leather ones. Then she asked me to buy curtains instead for her 'small bathroom window that are black and white and funky'! When I asked for measurements she was indignant! I'm finding her very demanding and unreasonable. She is making me feel like I don't think she is worth the effort. Of course she is but my sons comes first and I did say i can't trudge round shops for hours with my 10 month old dd! She wanted me up for meal on my own too and she often moans at my kids being noisy in background on phone. I find it hard to give so much of myself now I have the children which most people are ok with, but my sister has issues with it. AIBU in feeling that she is being unreasonable and expecting too much and not accepting my situation???

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/01/2012 14:22

YANBU, she sounds more demanding than a child!

FionaBruise · 06/01/2012 14:24

yanbu ---is she 30 or 3?

samandi · 06/01/2012 14:25

YANBU. Perhaps she is having a crisis at realising she is no longer a child herself?

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:25

lol, she is! She has been very jealous of my ds and admitted to my Mum she dislikes not being the baby of the family anymore.

OP posts:
cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:27

Phew, these initial responses are reassuring, thank you! Yes samandi, definitely. She likes kids food and is always saying she wishes she was still a child. I think its because her adult life this past year has been so traumatic.

OP posts:
LizzieMo · 06/01/2012 14:27

How can you buy curtains without measurements? Are you supposed to just guess the size? Get her a voucher and be done with it. Then enjoy your son's birthday, he comes first, she is not your priority.

YuleingFanjo · 06/01/2012 14:27

curtains

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:29

I like those yuleingfanjo! Do you think they are retro? She said they need to be!! Thanks for that link x

OP posts:
YuleingFanjo · 06/01/2012 14:30

seems silly she won't give you the measurements though.
To be honest I would skip the party but send the curtains Grin

more here

I think they are quite retro, depends what she wants though. Could it be more 60s/70s?

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:35

Ah thanks. Yes, think she may mean 60s/70s. I wouldn't ask anyone to choose curtains for me, it is a personal thing! She has just moved into new place. I bought her a dog basket for xmas (at her request)!!!!

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 14:38

Sounds like my sister!!! Always wants to be the centre of attention and thinks the world revolves around her! And she is five years older than me!! x

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 14:54

Infuriating eh ellenandbump!

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 15:44

Exactly but no one listens its always me being selfish and unreasonable! she always has to copy me to!! x

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 16:09

Yes My Sister copies mum and me to a lesser degree too. Its as if she has not worked out her own identity which does make me a bit :( for her

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 16:16

My sister has no personality!! HORSES HORSES HORSES. Nothing else, other than that its shut down mode!

Adversecamber · 06/01/2012 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 16:25

My sister still wants to be the centre of the family, and she is 29 this year, she still thinks as mum as being HER mum, but she isnt she is our mum. She is very protective but also possessive. she isnt so much with me now cos i dont tell her everything. Anything i want to keep as least stressful as possible. i dont tell her!

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 16:27

Yes there has been lots going on. She was in an abusive relationship, lost her job through being so dysfunctional because of awful relationship, an abortion, later caught Chlamydia off same boyfriend, signed shared house over to her boyfriend. It truly must rate as one of the worst years that anybody could possibly have. She has her own flat now though and has had 2 job interviews. I think life is looking good again now. I try to let stuff go because of the awful time she has had but when it affects my kids I have to put a stop to it!

OP posts:
cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 16:28

Ellenandbump, our sisters sound VERY similar! Is it to do with being the youngest I wonder (assuming yours is)?

OP posts:
Trills · 06/01/2012 16:29

I have a rule about birthdays.

If you are old enough to read the calendar and therefore know that it is your birthday
then you are old enough to understand that sometimes it is more convenient to celebrate on a different day.

If you are not old enough to read the calendar, then your celebration can be moved and you won't know any different.

Therefore anyone being precious about celebrating on the exact day is being unreasonable.

EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 16:36

No mine is the older sister, i am youngest! But she acts youngest and is MUCH MUCH more clingy to mum than me, i am far more independent. I have also just left my abusive husband, am technically homeless but the council wont accept it so have to appeal their decision, a divorce in process and sorting out our sons living arrangements. I am trying not to take it out on anyone else. My sister has informed me WE are going to the coast the day after her birthday, even though it is my best friends daughters birthday and they were both great with me when diagnosed with PND (sister doesnt know about pnd though). I will see them but at a later date, x

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 16:43

Interesting, Trills. I did discuss it with ds and he wanted his party on his birthday, espcially as his bday is a saturday this year.
Best of luck with council appeal ellenandbump. My sister was classed as priority but she turned her nose up at council property and is privately renting with housing benefit covering it. She lives in the middle of nowhere (but 6 miles away from Mum) and is happiest I have seen her for a year! I just wish she would considers others a bit, thats all. She recently sneaked into our grans and used the washing machimne when she was out! Gran wouldn't let her use it (mean imho) so my sis sneaked in anyway! Nightmare! Its my sisters sense of entitlement that concerns me.

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 06/01/2012 17:08

My sister is like that, she expects me to be there to do x x and x, she said to me on facebook as i have an opticians appointment monday that it doesnt stop her coming with me, but i pointed out she cant come to court, she said yes she can she'll be my legal representative- she has no qualifications! Little miss no it all! She sounds quite selfish too like mine. x

cheekymonk · 06/01/2012 17:50

Just got some curtain measurements- wa hey!

OP posts:
Trills · 06/01/2012 17:51

I'm not saying you are being unreasonable in specific, just saying that's my theory of birthdays in general.

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