to be annoyed at people thanking DH for Xmas presents...

[TiggerMum]

... and not even acknowledging the fact that it was me who did everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. My DH doesn't even know what we bought people (his family I mean). A lot of the things we did get were pretty technical and required a lot of faffing about to get them set up for people. It was OBVIOUS it was me!

Yet they ring/text him with their thank yous and he just laps it up. My DNiece even went as far as to text him a photo of her child with what we had bought her and then when DH didn't respond (he can never be arsed), she started harrassing me on facebook with "did DH get my text and photo".

Hey here's an idea - why not text ME the photo since it was me that blatantly did everything. Or else harrass HIM as to whether he's received the photo or not. Either you want me in on it or you don't, what do you expect me to do? Jesus.

Next year they're all getting vouchers.

I recieved a thank you card in the post from a friend and DH pointed out that his name had obviously been added in afterwards ' look, I was forgoten !' When I asked him what the presents were we had given the family, he soon shut up!!!

YANBU.

But I posted a thread similar to this under a previous name about birthday presents and got told I was being petty and was asked why on earth I was buying presents for DH's family, that he should do it (even though he was working manic hours at the time and I was a SAHM )

Why do you assume they know you martyr yourself in that way?

Grow up

well i don't really mind 'martyring' myself but the DN thing has annoyed me because she obviously wants some kind of "thank you for the thank you" and is expecting it from me because DH can't even be bothered to do that

to me, my work is done and i want no more involvement unless it's a "thanks for going to all that effort"

Train your DH to say - 'thank you, but it was Tigger that did all the work, I'll put her on...'

Then they'll both get the message

Stop being a mug and get DH to buy the presents himself.

"I just checked with DH and he did get the message - what a lovely photo! I'm glad [child] liked it; I picked it out specially."

Lizzie :o love it

Grrrr... women (and it is always women), who take on the role, say they enjoy it, are reluctant to hand it over - and then complain - drive me mad. Why do they do it?

Do it or don't do it, OP. The world won't end. If you need acknowledgement and validation of a job well done then you're going to be disappointed.

I'd be even blunter!!

'Did he get the photo? I'm sure he did but you're barking up the wrong tree there you know! Afraid he doesn't do EITHER the presents or the thankyous! Im glad to hear xxx liked the gift though, I'm glad I got it right! Love, xx

I buy all the Xmas presents for both sides of the family and I'm not bothered if I get thanked or DH gets thanked. I don't need a medal for buying presents for people and I don't care too much if they thank us or not in writing as we tend to get thanked in person on the day.

What do you mean when you say your DH 'laps it up'? Mine wouldn't probably even think to mention a thank you text to me. Does he do it because it annoys you?

...and then I'd offer DH the option of either making it clear to all and sundry that I was the one to thank, OR doing the whole lot himself next year :)

Yeah there's more to this really than I'm letting on. I didn't mind at all doing the presents this year - DH works like a dog and I'm on ML.

My in-laws find any excuse to find fault with me, but when I do something nice that nobody could possibly find fault with, it must automatically be DH that has done it and not remotely anything to do with me. It just doesn't seem very fair that all the 'bad' stuff (e.g. the TERRIBLE way DD is being raised ) is me and all the good stuff is him. And doesn't he work hard for his unappreciative lazy wife!

I am single. I wrapped up 30 or 40 presents for 18 people. I received several lovely presents and have posted all my handwritten thank you letters. I have received no thank you letters whatsoever but I know that the presents that I gave were welcome (eg one parent told me that his daughter liked hers). I should not 'expect' thank you letters because I just like to choose something and give so I expect IABU.

Well then maybe a little tongue in cheek PA wouldn't go amiss. "Oh I'm so glad you liked it, I put a lot of thought into getting something you would like. Obviously with DH working so hard he wasnt able to do the gifting"

YANBU tigger even though to complain kinda does sound whiney.

Not a dig. I spent about 3 months knitting gifts for my family and DH's, at their request I should add and their requests were V specific, a dog jumper in certain colours, fingerless LONG gloves in a certain pattern/colour etc., and I spent many a night sat up late knitting when I could have been making myself something doing other things.

When the family opened their gifts, okay they said thanks, I'll give them that, but there was no attempted "wow you MADE these? Welldone!" or even a trying on of said items. I'd have got the same reaction if I'd given them vouchers or supermarket knit items. Grr. I'd never say anything to them though, but next year I simply won't have time, because I'll be knitting for myself I'll be 'busy elsewhere'.

I didn't ever want emotional gushings... just an aknowledgement of effort perhaps? The only comment that stood out was 'I'm sure its cheaper to buy them isn't it?' GRRRR.

Tigger move on, don't let this fester. Learn. Next year either don't buy the gifts or make it very very clear you did when they open them, like a BIG NOTE saying "hope this is the right one you wanted, any problems just ask, love tigger and (dcs names) and DH" right at the end.