to completely doubt myself and abilities now I am a mum of an 11 week old?

[doorbellringer]

Good evening, new mum hence the unsociable hours. I have been a lurker for absolutely months but have finally plucked up the courage to ask here as I can't find a direct answer anywhere else.

Here goes:
Everything I've read seems to say babies take x amount y times a day. Mainly ds should be eating 5 timed daily but he is 8 times without fail. Ds is big, 93rd centile. 15lb and is bubbly, inquisitive, alert and has strong neck muscles. He was 15 days overdue and was 8lb 5oz at birth (don't know if this makes any difference) both my mum and my husbands mum say we should introduce baby porridge and he will never last to 6 months until weaning. I am not keen to try until the guidelines recommended age: is this wrong? is "every baby different etc". They both make me question my instincts and I am not sure even what I feel is "right"
Ds was combination fed until 9 weeks now formula, as I couldn't keep up with demand (i tried expressing, sole breastfed for 5 days and he fed constantly-wasn't satisfied).
Here is his daily feeding routine:
7.30am 4oz
11am 5oz
1.30pm 4oz
4pm 3oz
6pm 2oz
7.30pm bath then 7oz
11.30pm 6oz
3.30am 4oz
total 35oz give or take

Is this normal? You could set your watch by the wake up time, usually 20mins before then times stated. Plays and shouts and giggles then offer the bottle and he practically bites the teat off. Lol
First time mummy so any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

I have 5 and they were all different, but at least two of them fed every two and a half hours like clockwork. Then when they started to sleep a bit longer and miss a feed, it was still the same 2.5 hrs through the day for months and months. To have anything remotely resembling a regular routine at 11 weeks is wonderful, make the most of it and enjoy they are tiny for such a short time, it won't seem 2 minutes until you're waving him off on his first day at school!

From what I can remember, his milk intake sounds very similar to my 3 at the same age.

Re the weaning...my advice is to wait and see. There's no point in anyone telling you 'he won't make it to 6 months' because he might.

Both your Mum and your MIL are going on old guidelines so in their minds, they are giving you 'the best advice'...based on their own experiences.

What you have to learn to do as a mum, is choose whether to go with your own instinct or other peoples...and that can often be the hard part.

Personally, I would listen to what they're saying...listen to what the HVs/Doctors are saying and then make your own mind up.

oh thank you for the prompt advice it is greatly appreciated. I recognise your names and from what I have read you give sensible no nonsense replies to questions. I guess I need to learn to trust the motherly instinct thing but its so hard when everyone including hv etc gives different advice and our mums did it so long ago.

They're telling you to introduce baby porridge at 11 weeks...?

DC2 was bigger at birth than your baby - 9lb 4oz, and has remained steadily on a higher centile than yours; the 98th centile ever since (now 17 months old). She didn't start on solids until nearly 7 months of age (I tried starting at 6 months but her tongue-thrust reflex was still too strong) and was exclusively breastfed prior to this.

I'm sure your mother and MIL would be, at best, disbelieving of all of that. How could such a big baby possibly last that long on breast milk alone?!

I really would just nod and smile to a lot of their advice. Things have changed since their time, as a lot of the understandings of that generation were simply wrong.

I do not understand why people think big babies can't be maintained with just milk, especially just breast milk. Some won't, of course. But humans have been around for millennia; big babies have been around for that length of time as well. How did people with big babies in previous centuries cope before 'hungry baby' formula, baby rice (ugh) and rusks, I wonder?

It's difficult to trust your instincts when you're a new mum with no experience and people you've previously looked to for advice are telling you something that doesn't feel right.

But the bottom line is that you know your baby better than anyone else, and if he happy and thriving, then you're obviously meeting his needs. :)

And yeah, agree with MoFo, when you're breastfeeding you have no clue how much they're getting and so really do just have to trust your instincts/go by how they seem and trust things are fine if they seem happy and filled.

But the bottom line is that you know your baby better than anyone else, and if he happy and thriving, then you're obviously meeting his needs

I absolutely agree with that (and I'm not against baby rice etc)

He certainly sounds as though he's happy and thriving.

I'd take each day as it comes and pay no mind to what might or might not be the case between now and the next few months.

Let your baby guide you.

She's formula feeding now (as of 9 weeks)

Basically a fancy way of saying, 'u no ur bubs hun'.

A sentiment I usually rail against, but in this case it does seem particularly fitting.

'u no ur bubs hun'

Noooo don't let me go to bed with that awful phrase ringing in my ears!

Just be glad I didn't write bubz.

I think u sound like you're doing just grand tbh. Ds4 is also 11 weeks and his routine is nowhere near that accurate. If he cries I stick a boob in and so his feeding is random throughout the day and I have no clue how much he gets. He's growing on his line so it's all fine in my view.

Advice about rules changing since your mums' generation so true. I weaned all my babies from about 18-20 weeks (not big babies either). That was against the current 6 month rule but I couldn't stave them off IMO. I was lead by them (the babies, not the mothers). He'll tell you when he's ready for food as his night sleeping will get worse.

Don't doubt yourself as you sound totally in control of his needs.

I have (amongst others!) a 21 year old and a 6 month old and the difference in the advice I was given for them is startling. DS1 was born just before the egg scare and the weaning sheet I was given (to wean at 12 weeks) included raw egg yolk mixed into his meals to ensure he got enough protein. I have been called a liar before about that, and I so wish I had kept the sheet to prove it :o

All of mine weaned at different ages. DS1 at 12 weeks, as I said. DD2 was 4 months and she was practically eating her own feet by then as she was so hungry, but the guidelines had changed and my HV scared me! I was young and green then, I would tell her to bugger off now, she actually said "We dont ALLOW weaning before 16 weeks" ermm...hello...who's baby is this exactly?!

DD 2&3 both did it at 6 months on the dot but they were weeny babies and milk fed little and often rather than the big regular feeds the others did. DS2 was 5 months and it was a struggle to get him that far as he is a human dustbin. DD4 I had to wean at 17 weeks and she was feeding almost constantly and making herself sick. She was waking up again despite having slept through from 3 weeks. I weaned her and she is a dream again :)

The upshot of that essay is to prove that a) advice changes so often that your mum and MIL mean well but their advice is very out of date and b) every baby is different. Trust you instincts. If you feel your baby is hungry and needs something more then chances are, he does. But if he is happy on his bottles then stick with that, weaning before 4 months isnt good as it is too much stress on their immature organs. Btw, porridge isnt a good idea until after 6 months incase of gluten intolerance. Do they perhaps mean baby rice?

Hi Slinking, I was hmmm at porridge at 11 weeks as I read their kidneys cannot cope with anything until at least 17 weeks.

I think the fact I read loads of books made them doubt my abilities and I was frequently told "throw away the books they'll just pickle your head" but I think I have tried to remain objective and open to all views. I just sometimes get so indecisive as everyone tries to persuade you they know best: mw, hv, dm, MIL, SIL etc so sometimes I don't know which way to turn and doubt myself so much. I appreciate the unbiased views, I really do.

Hi Bogeyface, no they defo mean baby porridge but then MIL advocates custard to newborns (Birdeye packet stuff) and weaning on spaghetti hoops - wtf? I obviously completely disregarded that tripe!

Oh I dunno, there is something about spaghetti hoops that even a baby would love....:o

In all seriousness, they may have a point about the books. I read my head inside out with the younger ones. I had so much conflicting information in my head I didnt know what to do! Find a writer that you feel an affinity with and stick with one book, it will be less confusing I promise! And also, having one reference point will make you more confident in your choices when your mum and MIL are "helping"

You sound like you are doing very well. I was a total basket case when my eldest was 11 weeks and tbh I ain't much better now. I bet you get dressed every day and EVERYTHING!

Hi Bogeyface yes I do (as long as you consider fresh pyjamas dressed, also I draw on my eyebrows everyday. Although if we had a tough night I might look unusually surprised all day! I call it my picasso brows haha.

Clean PJs? blimey, you're posh :o

My sister comes round once every few weeks with her waxing kit (she is a spa manager) and says my eye brows have been driving her mad! I only have trimmed brows because they offend her when they get all Denis Healey :o

waxing kit? now who's the posh one! A pair of trusty slightly rusty old tweesers do me nicely. Had a bad experience with the waxing malarky - lets just say I was left with a mono brow and a rash where a lady shouldn't have one

I'm a first time mum & it's a mine field! My ds was bigger at birth & is a bigger baby than most I see at baby clinic.
Your routine sounds very good. Everyone told me that I'd be weaning very early as he wouldn't last. He has hungry milk at night & regular aptamil in the day. I started weaning at around 5 months.
Everyone has their opinion,everyone wants to give you the benefit of their advice. Do what you feel is right & listen to your baby most importantly! It's hard to know but you sound like you are doing fantastically tbh,well done!

I BF on demand so never had a clue how much or how often - if they wanted boob they got it!!! My point being that I think you can get caught up in the how much? how often? without just focusing on what the baby needs.

What does the HV say? I'd be wary about starting to feed at 11 weeks. Guidelines or not, that is far too early.

If he's feeding and happy and he's thriving then you're doing it right.

My DD is 5 and only just 29lb now but she eats almost as much as her 13 year old brother who eats like a bird and always has done. They're all different.

It's tough the first time round though - doubting everything you do, overthinking...

Listen to your baby rather that your mum and MIL, they may mean well, they may just be enjoying showing off their 'superior' knowledge!

Some very sound advice so far, I can only really say again 'go with your own instincts' :)

DC3 is 17 weeks now and small compared to her peers (9lb 13oz, 2nd centile) but again she was only 5lb2oz at her smallest. She eats between 28 and 30oz a day and sleeps for over 12hrs every night, so not too bad of a baby who is only awake for 8hrs a day!

HV asked if I had started weaning last week . I explained that she finishes her feeds and does not scream for more and sleeps all night (even having cut 2 teeth this month) so I really don't think she is ready yet... not to mention she is 9weeks younger than the reccomended guidelines. Her response, oh we know no one listens to the guide lines!

I intend to continue with a milk only diet until she is taking a 6 or 7oz bottle for every feed or she begins to wake during the night with hunger.

Your baby will let you know when he is ready to be weaned. You sound like you are doing a fab job so far!

This brings back memories

DS was 6lb 6oz at birth - at 11 weeks he was guzzling 38oz of extra hungry formula per day on average. The HV advised that I try and wait until he was 17 weeks old before I weaned him - we moved house around that time so waited until he was 19 weeks old.

It is very tough, but just try and remember that you are obviously doing an excellent job because your DS is happy, thriving and healthy