Dog wars AIBU

[dogtiredandfedup]

Two years ago my PILs apparently agreed to look after BIL's large mental untrained dog while BIL and SIL (they are in their thirties) go traveling for a year. They were to have it for half the time and her parents for the other half. Fast forward two years and we have a 18month old dd who MIL looks after two days a week (purely her choice and would do more if she could!) and is pushing for us to let her have dd for occasional overnights. We also spend a lot of time there as a family and all get on well.

Now I am by no means against dogs, I was brought up with large dogs and we have one ourselves, as do most of my family and the inlaws themselves. However this dog is a border collie, completely mad, and has never been trained, it jumps over furniture constantly running around the house, snatches food etc. It has also been known to nip when over excited The PILs have always struggled with it when looking after it and have been known to watch tv with it on a lead!

BIL has now reminded PIL of their earlier promise. Dh and I were worried about dd as We really don't want her to become frightened of dogs, we asked if SIL parents could look after it for the whole year and the PIL rang them to check, they said fine, no prob. Problem solved we thought but BIL and SIL are now not speaking to us and are barely talking to PIL because of it. They go away soon and I am left feeling like I have caused a family rift. was IBU and precious, what would you have done?

I would have done exactly as you have done and told BIL/SIL to fuck right off. They sound like a right pair of entitled charmers.

If they're such wonderful, caring owners then they should have trained their dog properly

Poor dog

I think ywbu.

If your pils made an agreement and they were happy to do it if it weren't for you, then you have caused a family rift. I would be upset if I were your bil and sil, because it's like your family is getting priority.

And before all the chants of a grandchild is more important than a dog start, yes a gc is more important. But there is no reason why the gc and the dog can't be accommodated. It's your job to protect your child, and you could have done that.

The other parents were probably put on the spot, they could hardly say no, could they? Maybe that's part of the reason they are annoyed with you.

YANBU at all. You asked. You didn't demand.

Collies are lovely dogs - bright, energetic dogs that need a lot of training and stimulation. If they don't get that they can go a bit stir crazy. And they are herders. They are prone to nipping at the heels of whatever they're trying to move. It doesn't sound like your BIL and SIL have given their dog the training to be safe around a toddler.

As Siamo so succinctly puts it!!!! :)

You probably did your pils a favour and are glad you've gave them an excuse to try and get out of it, I couldn't handle a dog like that.

Asking some one to watch a dog for any length of time is a big ask never mind a year, or a dog that is hard to handle!

Don't worry about it, you were not unreasonable to ask your PIL not to have him around DD, they were NU to tell BIL they won't have his dog for a year.

The only unreasonable behaviour here is your B/SIL. Its not as if the dog has no where to go.

I'm sure after they have had a jolly old time for a year all will be forgotten. In the mean time just try to be 'normal' with they and let it pass

Thank you for your quick replies. I didn't demand at all, but I did express concerns. It wouldn't have been fair to keep the dog locked away while dd is there (plus it wrecks the room, scratches doors etc if locked up) but trying to control dd and the dog in the same area would have been a nightmare for PIL especially when MIL is on her own, I did offer to put dd in nursery as she is older now but MIL would hate that! FIL is very happy to have the excuse not to have it! BIL thinks I overreact regarding his dog because it jumped on top of me when I was pregnant.

If they are so fond of the dog how can they bear to leave it for a year? YANBU but the dogs owners ABVVU!!!

What purple said. Border Collies are large, active dogs and need a hell of a lot of training and exercise if they're going to be manageable. And if it can't be left in a room alone without scratching at the door and destroying furniture, it's not a happy and well looked-after dog. That is your BIL and SIL's fault and they have no right to guilt-trip anyone else.

Thank you I was starting to doubt myself as it has caused a lot of problems. Can't believe they have turned it into an us against them row. My PILs are really upset as is my dh.

"BIL thinks I overreact regarding his dog because it jumped on top of me when I was pregnant."

Er...hello? Is that any wonder?

Your BIL is a fuckwit. He's had 2 years to get his dog trained. The poor thing deserves to have the mental stimulation it needs to stay calm and contented in the home. From what you've described it's bouncing off the walls and has separation anxiety.

Collies can be mental... they need propper training excersise and mental stimulation or they are bonkers. I really wanted a collie i thought it was the perfect 'family dog'..... they can be crazy so will have to wait until the kids are older.

Can PIL train dog? will it get enough excersise so wont be soo bouncy?

BIL/SIL are twats for not training the poor dog properly. YANBU

They can't care about the dog that much. They haven't trained it (despite the fact that they have taken on a breed that requires constant mental stimulation) and they're leaving it for a year. I'm a dog owner and would never leave my dogs (even though they're with my parents who I know look after them as well as I do) for anything more than a fortnight's holiday.

No, the dog should of been trained properly, its not fair on a dog either. BIL is being selfish passing on an untrained dog as well -I may be slightly biased a fuckwit neighbour cant understand why I got miffed her unruly dog chased and nipped my DS