In thinking that I should get some time off, too?

[ChatZoo]

Sorry this is long, I'm a first-time poster and don't want to be accused of drip-feeding....

DH works full time and is also doing a business degree. It is something that he decided to do, but he has been able to persuade work to pay the course fees. He goes away for a week at a time (3 times so far in this academic year) and needs to study in between.

I am a SAHM (11 month old DS) and am happy that whilst he is at work I do as much as possible with housework, which depends on how clingy DS is being. Before starting this course, DH used to help out in the evenings, with clearing up after dinner, etc.

Now he usually comes home for dinner then baths DS (I think it is important that he spends some time with DS and often doesn't see him in the morning), whilst I start clearing up after dinner. After I bf and settle DS, I then finish clearing up and do anything else that needs doing round the house. He studies all evening until bed and basically doesn't do anything to help round the house.
He doesn't usually study at weekends but wants to be out doing things as a family so housework doesn't get done then.

AIBU to think that he should help out a bit, maybe leave some of his study to the weekend, so I can have some time off during the week?

what is the purpose of his networking though? we can all call socialising networking, however it tends to have a buisness purpose.

festi I'm doing 2 x 30 credit modules, they have 2 x 2 part assignments each, they're usually a 3000 word essay + 2000 word something else (research proposal, lesson plan and evaluation, etc). Don't really know how that compares to others?

University reckon 10 hours study per week, per module...I do 2 evenings (7-10) a week, an occasional catch up Saturday morning when ex-H has DC and a day to write each assignment. Am on track for a 1st (this year is last year, tf!) so can't be doing much less than I need to.

Do you manage to get much done during the day?

You need to have down time in the evenings, if he does bath and bed, you clear up evening meal? In this house we start our own time at the same time each evening, that's fair.

Book yourself some time off one week end (going out with a friend, shopping, getting hair done, whatever...) and leave him with DC so you have some time to do something for YOU. I'd also leave with a list of things to do while supervising DC so he can appreciate that there are a few things that are hard to get done when with a demanding LO. And then maybe he might be more ready to help out with the bits you can't get done in the week.
I think that as far as the week is concerned I think your current arrangement is reasonably fair and I can understand that he want to get his work out of the way of the week end.
Just make sure this does not become a habit that will continue when the MBA is over!

Why doesn't he have half a day each weekend to take ds out alone and have some dad and son time and you can catch up on things you want to do or just relax!

that wasnt a criticism ballstoit, I read it back and it did come across as a bit fnar fnar, but not intended. Just that many degree, post grad or masters, tend to have maybe double that if not more.

Do you finish cleaning/sorting etc before he finishes studying?

I can see both sides to this as I am mostly SAHM in the daytime (go into work very part time) and then work in the evenings. Dh works FT. Dh and I usually put the kids to bed together and then he does all the clearing up from dinner etc whilst I start work. To be honest, I would rather be working than mopping the kitchen floor too BUT dh usually finishes and is sat watching tv by 9pm, whereas I work until 10-11pm and then go straight to bed. I do the rest of the housework somehow in the week, although if it got really bad we would blitz it at the weekend.

I have recently managed to do more hours at work during the day and cut down the number of evenings I do, and it has been lovely. However, I try to avoid working at the weekend wherever possible as then we really would never see each other, so I can understand your dh wanting to spend time together.

My husband did exactly the same as yours OP, when our eldest was a baby. Mine used to come in from work, we'd have dinner, then he'd bath our boy while I cleared the kitchen. We agreed we'd try to keep weekends free for us as a family and that worked most of the time.

I eventually started going to a keep fit class two nights a week, just to get some time to myself. I had a chat with him and pointed out that I never had a break from our son and he had the whole day at work with other people and that I was starting to get stir crazy. He understood (eventually!) and if our son woke up, he'd just get on with it. If he got behind, he worked on a Saturday morning.

I never, ever expected him to do housework. It's manageable with one child. If you're finding it too much, you're doing too much of it.

Can you really not agree with DH that you can go out one night a week? If DS wakes up then he'll just need to deal with it and then maybe work for a little bit longer that night to catch up. It's really not fair for you to have no time to yourself at all. DP and I have literally just agreed that I should go to the gym twice a week to set classes - whether LO is settled or not, I have to go. This is partly to help me get fit again, partly to get me used to leaving LO before going back to work, but mostly to help me feel human again!

In terms of friends, can you take LO to baby groups during the day so you meet some other local mums? I would be going stir crazy if I wasn't getting out and meeting other people.

Oh, and since when has ironing been essential?

If it's an MBA then there is quite a bit of independent study (close friend has just finished one). Also the networking is a key part of the course - both to find out how "things" work in different businesses/areas but also the making of contacts for life.

I second what others have said to work out what you want to do for yourself - no reason why you shouldn't go out in the evening while DH is studying or alternatively have a long soak/pamper yourself in the bath.