Did I over react?

[MamaMaiasaura]

Popped into bfing group with dd (10 weeks) and ds(4). They have play leader for older kids. I needed to get dd weighed and have chat as some issues nursing including ds disrupting feeds. I prepares ds by saying he was not to run on baby play mats etc but play nicely with the older kids toys. Anyway, got her weighed (she's dropprd centile from 91 to 75) andy letdown very strong. Ended up feeding her in enclosed baby area as no one there and the other area very busy. When in there ds wanted to join me. I said ok as long as he sits with me. Once in he jumps on baby toys, flips over rockers and generally distructive, all while I'm trying to feed dd. I had to stop feed and deal with him. He don't stop, but continued so I said we were going home and left. Felt like I was perceived as being hard on him (I dead got down on his level and said its not nice to treat toys in that way and we were going). Then as I was signing out the play leader said if I found sessions too stressful I didn't need to feel I had to come. Was that her telling me we are not welcome? And did I ver react to ds?

Sorry for typos, bfing and typing

I think you did the right thing, you gave him a warning then carried it through.

I'm sure the leader has just worded what she said badly. I don't think she meant you weren't welcome she just wanted you to know it's not compulsory to go if you see what I mean

Those first few weeks with two children are tough but it does get better.

Well done for setting consequences and sticking to them! Sounds like the leader had noticed that your son acted up when you were paying attention to your baby and thought there might be some jealousy issues.

No the playleader didn't mean that.

No I don't necessarily think you over-reacted BUT be careful that you aren't setting ds up to fail because his behaviour will very rarely be perfect iyswim? Don't expect him to be naughty by priming him for it, tell him you know he'll be a good boy etc.

Try and get 1:1 time with him when you can and tell him he's a good boy etc, really make a big massive deal of every teeny good thing he does.

When was he 4? Ds turned 4 when dd was 13 weeks - they are just 5 and 15m now and adore each other but yes we had similar problems though I didn't manage to breastfeed dd and I am in awe of you for that.

It gets easier it really does.

I'm sure she didn't mean you're not welcome, she probably didn't want you to feel you had to attend.

Sorry you are having a tough time. Sounds like your DS is trying to take your attention away from the baby and on to him, as he has always been used to. Jealousy do you think?

You did fine, you certainly weren't too hard on him. However, it's not how I would have handled it myself, acting up when you are at something that is not for you, does not get you the benefit of leaving. You get to sit at my feet and not move. He needs a consequence that affects him not you.

What is the play leaders role?

He was 4 last week. Phew, just worried I'd over done it. I only prepared him before going in as last 2 times we went he was running over babies and snatching toys. I do need 1-1 time with him and whenever I get chance I grab it. I need to praise him more (tho his attempt at washing dd face with sponge wasn't helpful to her breathing... Right, be back soon. She's finished and now crying ... Again

Things like the sponge, what I did with ds was say things like 'oh that's very nice you're trying to look after dd, I think shed like you to use cotton wool instead - there you go'. Ds, for some reason, really loved helping with topping and tailing / bathing her.

Ime this is a really lovely age gap, not least because as your dd gets interesting older your ds starts school and you get some proper time with her just as you did with him when he was wee.