at what point do I go and tell my neighbours to shut up?

[yellowraincoat]

So, we live in a basement flat and our upstairs neighbours are quite noisy. They have loud parties in their garden, they have friends over a lot and they play music loudly. None of these things bothers me too much, as I can just move to a different room and then I don't hear them.

However, the husband is a really big guy and he STAMPS. I can't here the wife walking around at all, but I could tell you exactly where he is at any one time and it sounds like he's going to come through the ceiling. It's really hard to concentrate on work or anything, and it wakes me up sometimes. It's really frustrating.

They are lovely and I don't want to complain really. Also, they are just living their lives, I know they're not doing it to annoy me, but this has been going on for over a year and it's really starting to get me down.

Should I go and say something? Or am I just being over-sensitive?

If the parties dont bother you why does the stomping hes only walking around his house although if he is waking you it must sound like he is coming through the ceiling , I think if its just general walking about then i think you are being a bit sensitive to it ,

Do you think he is wearing shoes?

I don't think ywbu to say that you can hear them, but if they are just living normally I don't know what you can expect them to do about it. It's not like they can just stop walking around their home.

Whilst I understand the stomping is annoying, what do you expect them to do about it? Do you think he wears his shoes indoors? Because that (and maybe putting down carpet if they don't have any) would be all they could do.

The music/parties are a seperate issue but if they don't bother you then it's ok..

But like I said, I can't hear her, only him. I just wish he would tread a bit more quietly. I hear him coming down at night and he is quiet, so why can't he be during the day?

I'm not surprised it's starting to get you down. I lived underneath a family with an armchair on casters once. I'm not kidding, it was like an earthquake when the kids shot it across the floor. I was too terrified to complain to them as they were all quite mad. They moved eventually, just after I had started looking for another flat. I was so relieved.

But I'm not sure you can do anything much about this, as walking around isn't exactly anti-social behaviour! Is it a rented flat? If so is it the same landlord/letting agency? What kind of floor covering do they have, and could it be improved? Would you be able to say to the wife, "I never hear you walking around you must be really light on your feet - but I always hear your husband, does he wear his steel toe-caps indoors ha ha? I was going to buy him some slippers for Xmas..."

If it's really getting you down and it can't be resolved, you might think about moving.

Thats nothing OP. I can hear my upstairs neighbour talking on the phone, I can hear every step she takes (and when she gets up in the night it never fails to wake me) I can hear her flushing her toilet, splashing in the bath (really) and I have to turn my telly up so I can hear it over hers!

Truly, there is NO privacy. If I had known this flat had no sound proofing at all I never would have taken it!

We rent, but they own their's. I'm guessing they have wooden floorboards. I'm not joking when I say that our lampshades swing when he walks about.

It's not anti social behaviour, that's the problem. I really like them too and I don't want to piss them off, but I think I have to say something. It's just driving me mad and he seems to walk about constantly.

The thing is I really feel for you. I love my flat, but i think will have to move.
They really shouldn't have wooden floors. Carpets cut the sound by about 70 % so you need to talk to them about it.
Get them to go into your flat and walk around with your shoes on so they can see for themselves.

Poor you. Nightmare. But I don't see what you can reasonably do about it. My DH treads really heavily too in his shoes (and we live in a house, so its only us!) - and I find it irritating. It must be a man thing. Not that this is any help. Sorry.

My sympathies op - i have similar, children running up and down, jumping off sofas, bouncing balls, ride on cars - I have to take myself out of the flat before i loose my rag with the neighbour. It makes me so cross, i remember taking a broom handle to my ceiling at midnight - they didnt even hear it, i then went to complain, door opens and about five 8 year olds open the door - it was blardy midnight and had been going on since 5pm - the neighbour was clueless !! No apology though, hence i have started a diary detailing dates and time, just to see how regular it is happening - it feels like its every evening.

It is so annoying, but you're right, very little I can do about it. Go upstairs and carpet their floor in the night? Sew a pair of slippers onto his feet? I have earplugs and I do use them, but it's not that nice to go around with your ears plugged up all day.

I think this is just an endemic problem with flats, especially now that wooden floors have become so popular. It would be worth checking the terms of the lease - I used to live in a building where it stated in the lease that wooden floors were not permitted unless full soundproofing was installed underneath. At the end of the day though, some people are just heavier on their feet than others, and it has nothing to do with size or weight. My downstairs neighbour at the time said she could never hear me walking around but when my mother visited she knew exactly which room she was in and the the lights would swing! My mother was a skinny 8 stone former ballerina...

I feel for you I am semi detatached and my neighbour has installed a domestc lift on our party wall!!!! Has in the past let her children play on the thing which would then set of an alarm. I have heard it going off at 3am in the morning. I tried speaking to her but she was hostile. I had to get the council involved and keep a log. I hate the sound of the lift so I guess I notice it more, where as it doesn't bother my DH but then he is at work all day and works late into the evening. The EH department at the council are not doing much so I am not sure where you would stand with something like your case.

You can do something about it!
I can't with my flat because the lady upstairs already has carpets. I have asked her about getting some soundproof underlay though and she is thinking about it. (She can hear all our noise too, from talking to ds tantrumming and me shouting )
It is totally unacceptable to have wooden floors if you are in an upstairs flat. I have lived in many many flats and usually there is a clause in the contract.
You can also talk to your neighbour about wearing his shoes.
Seriously, get them in your flat so they can hear what it sounds like.

Getting worked up about this because I know how stressed out it can make you!

The last flat I lived in was a conversion, but the builders who did it must have been brilliant because I heard almost nothing from above or below, and my neighbours couldn't hear baby ds crying for 5 hours a day!

I just don't think I'd be able to stamp like he does. You're right, it's totally not ok to have wooden floors upstairs, yet everyone in London does. Can't remember the last time I saw a carpet.

Not sure if he's wearing shoes or not.