To dread a family row over my niece's basically sweet idea?

[fluffyanimal]

Today I got a FB message from my DB's eldest DD (uni student). She is worrying about my mum, her grandma, that since my dad died 3 years ago she doesn't enjoy life enough, and that it would be really nice if everyone in the family could club together to buy her a cruise for bridge players (as she loves bridge).
It is a very sweet, kind idea and I think she is a lovely girl for thinking of it.
However, they are so expensive. There is no way I could make any meaningful contribution to it.
I've written back saying how kind she is etc and that of course if DM needs more joy bringing into her life then we should all pull together and sort that out, but that a cruise is not necessarily the most realistic solution.
For the record, obviously DM will always feel DF's loss, but she has not let it get her down. She has a very active social life, is always going out to bridge clubs, garden clubs, talks, films, concerts, etc. Though we don't live close by, we talk very regularly and are very close, I'm sure she would confide in me if she felt she was struggling.

I hate anything that brings money into discussions, and in fact my family does not have a good track record in that respect (arguments between DB and DSis). I'm just dreading this sweet idea kicking off a bad atmosphere, as well as being badly thought of for being a Scrooge or putting a dampener on it. Hopefully it may not even happen but if it does, how do I deal with it? Or am I just being neurotic?

aww what a lovely idea but not affordable your neice obviously thinks grandma is lonley which you said she isnt she seems busy enough , maybe you could suggest DN maybe goes and takes grandma out when shes home , I hope it doesnt cause a money fight cos there is nothing worse ,

This whole thing has sparked from DM visiting DB and family just before Christmas, for some of the time my 2 DNs were in charge of entertaining her. I know she really loved being there and spending time with them, and was really touched that 2 young girls were keen to spend time with her. But I do wonder if DNs have a rather unrealistic expectation of what a 77-year-old rather arthritic widow's life is meant to be like? As if she should be off to all-night parties or something! After all, last year she took herself off to Italy with one of her clubs and loved it, but it was really strenuous for her so I don't think she'll be doing it again.

The main thing that will bring joy to my mum is seeing all of us as often as possible. Of that I am quite sure.

I think you just say that's a lovely idea but that your mum would be terribly embarrassed if you were to spend that much money on her. Can you suggest a long weekend away with the whole family instead?

I think teenagers have high expections and big ideas I know my dd does she loves big gestures or the idea of them , I think ytour mum would appreciate her GDs visiting her suggest that to your N maybe in the summer she could go away with her for the weekend or go out for the day , im sure your brother would see sense and not entertain the idea of a cruise ,

I think it's a lovely idea, and great that she thought of it. However has she put any research into price? If she hasn't showing her price might help. The other issue is she may (as a student) see other adults as having indefinite money and hence can easily spare the odd £1000 or two while she will (generously considering her position) contribute £50 or so. (and I mean this nicely, I know it was somewhat how I felt as a student)

For the record, though, I would probably come over slightly tougher than that because I dislike someone else organising what I should spend my money on, with the underlying threat of seeming mean if I do not chose to come in. I don't mean someone saying "X would love this as a present but it's too much for me would you like to come in on it" that's okay. But when it's presented as "we will all give more money than usual (or in this case as an extra) because one person thinks it's a good idea".

Got one one time with the "expectation" we would give £30 to someone who would not have even given a token present in a similar situation with the comment on the email "I can't afford to give it on my own, so if you (about 10 people on email) don't pay then they won't be able to do it."

MrsJay yes that's exactly it, high expectations and big ideas - all kind and well-meant, but not realistic.
DeWe I know just what you mean, that gets my back up a bit too. According to DN, DB is up for it, but then he and SIL spent £100s on each other over Christmas so maybe they have much more disposable income. I've been agonizing over whether to buy myself a £35 pair of jeans since my last pair split. DSis1 isn't flush, but also tends to like the big gestures. DSis2 is probably tight for money too and I would imagine that she won't be keen. I just don't want to get the guilt trip that if I don't chip in, it won't happen.
Christine, a family weekend away would be great, I would love that too as I don't see DB and his family very often because they live a fair distance away. In short, just seeing each other more regularly would really make Mum happy.