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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fearing being away from my baby?

17 replies

newmum953 · 04/01/2012 12:49

Wondered if this is a natural thing for mums to go through. I have finally taken the leap and organised a babysitter for Friday night. I am freaking out as it's the first person I don't know whos taking care of my 7 month old (babysitting service so person worked in a nursery and will be coming early to meet me). I don't have any family that lives near me so leaving her with family is not an option and usually my husband and I don't go out on our own but I am really feeling like we need some time on our own. Friends have helped out occasionally (maybe a few times in the last 3 months). I am also considering going back to work but am panicking about leaving her with a childminder. For so long, it's been us together and in her early life she was unwell - had really bad reflux and was sick with stomach pain a lot. She is now fine and a happy, smily baby. Can anyone set my mind at ease? Does everyone feel like this when leaving their child? Can anyone give any positive experiences with childminders?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 04/01/2012 12:58

When she comes early to meet you, if you're not keen on her looking after your baby, will you be able to tell her so?

Might be a bit awkward Sad

marge2 · 04/01/2012 13:02

It's totally natural to feel like that. You would be odd if yo didn;t . BUT she will be fine. Give the the sitter your mobile number with instructions to call if there's a problem, and enjoy your evening.

Red2011 · 04/01/2012 13:03

Can you get this person to visit before the actual babysitting event? If so then you could let her look after your little one for a while (an hour or so) whilst you were there?

Flisspaps · 04/01/2012 13:04

I panicked about leaving DD with PIL for about 20 minutes when we popped to the supermarket when she was about 6mo. She is now 22mo and the longest I've left her with anyone for is about 2 hours.

She doesn't care and has an absolute whale of a time wherever she is left (only ever with family still though, although that's because there's always someone available) whereas I end up a bit twitchy after a bit. No doubt your DD will be fine.

Odd, considering that as a childminder myself I expect other people to leave their children with me without them batting an eyelid Grin Children sometimes get a bit upset when parents first leave, but they tend to perk up within minutes!

Ask the babysitter to call you if DD gets upset and won't settle.

PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2012 13:08

I had a fab childminder but I know how you feel. dh and I ventured out on new years eve for a meal... we were gone an hour and a half and were within walking distance, but it was the first time I'd left my 4mo twins with anyone other than dh. my in laws looked after them and dd1 (who was in bed). I had my mobile in the table next to my plate the whole time - was lovely to go out though.

when I went back to work after dd1 was born she had 4 weeks at a nursery and became very clingy and crying all the time, we changed to a cm where within a day she was back to being the girl I knew before nursery. she was happy with cm and it showed in her confidence at home. my biggest advice is to trust your instinct.

littlepie · 04/01/2012 13:09

It's normal. I cried the first time DH and I went out without DD (for about 30mins!).

I still get excited when I rush home to see her after being at work though.

Your DD will be fine, sounds as though she's being left with someone sensible. It'll do you good to have some time out-but you will worry :)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2012 13:10

Most mums experience a few collywobbles the first time they leave their baby for any length of time but if you're 'panicking' and if staying with your baby is preventing you from doing other fairly normal things in life, like going out as a couple or taking a job, then I don't think that's particularly healthy for either you or your baby.

devonshiredumpling · 04/01/2012 23:47

you will feel better after having some time to yourself it will not only benefit you but your baby who will pick up on the fact that her mummy is meeting other people go for it and have fun

4madboys · 04/01/2012 23:58

normal!

my dd is my 5th baby and she is 12mths old, this coming wkend i am going to manchester to visit my sister and her newborn (born on xmas day!) it is the first time i will ahve left dd for more than a few hours and i am leaving her with her dad and brothers but i still feel anxious! she will be fine and i will actually enjoy the break, but i still have a niggly anxious feeling.

try and meet the babysitter before the actual night of leaving your baby if youcan, but i am sure it will be fine :)

PippiLongBottom · 05/01/2012 00:09

I am the same and get v nervous about it even though they are 9, 5, and 2.5. The younger two sleep with me and I have never spent a night away from them.

saladsandwich · 05/01/2012 00:09

yanbu only night ds as been away from me was when ds was 5weeks old and my auntie took him for the night because i was seriously losing the lot through lack of sleep/pnd/circumstances Blush

when i left him at nursery for the first time it felt weird but i enjoyed being me and not just mum. enjoy

Nagoo · 05/01/2012 01:01

It's normal to feel worried about it, but really I think you should feel the fear and do it anyway. :)

callmemrs · 05/01/2012 07:43

Agree with the others. It will feel strange beforehand but once you take the plunge you won't look back. The tip is to keep busy so you're doing something where you won't even have time to remember you have a baby! If you're out for a meal or cinema etc with your dh you'll be having a great time feeling you're a couple again. I returned to work when my dc1 was 3 months and honestly, I was so busy during the day that I didn't have time to miss her - I just had that l

callmemrs · 05/01/2012 07:44

Lovely feeling of 'ooh I'm going to see my baby!' as I drove to the childminder. You'll enjoy getting 'yourself' back and your baby will be fine

Triggles · 05/01/2012 07:52

I think it depends on the level. I know that when I was dealing with pnd, I was irrationally fearful of this. And I agree that sleep deprivation makes everything worse.

HairyGrotter · 05/01/2012 08:10

Perfectly normal, even after 3 years, I get the wobbles on the lead up to leaving DD or DD going to family members for the night. I can often be found shedding a tear after she's left.

My sister works for a babysitting agency, I think it's a great idea.

Original poster
newmum953 · 08/01/2012 13:32

Thanks for all the support everyone. The babysitter came over and I felt much better once I met her and we found out she was a grandmother. We went out locally for 2 hours for dinner and it was really lovely to be alone with my husband - yes, I did wear high heels and makeup :). I will be working up to leaving her for maybe a little longer when we are not in the neighbourhood but I am going to do this over a number of babysitting sessions and work up to it.

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