to think if you are going to lie you make sure that you are not going to be caught

[cameltoeinlycra]

in it within 30 seconds of saying it.

MIL (I know, another one) has dropped off DHs birthday card. We go into the same routine of 'Is DH not in?', 'No he's at work', 'I thought so as the car isn't here', I'm thinking you already know all this, its been the same for the past 5 years, and the reason you drop his card off at this time is because you don't want to see him.

This is not what has got on my nerves though, its the blatant lie of why she has to dash off yet again. Her reason this time is that she doesn't know if she will have to look after her GS again as she doesn't know if her daughter will be back from London today, (something to do with driving and the weather). I say okay, Bye and I close the door, turn around and DD informs me that my SIL is back and has posted up over half an hour ago on FB that she has returned and her husband is at home looking after his son. Neither are at work today.

All her other children and Grandchildren are treated differently to DH and our DCs, she pays them a visit, stopping for a brew and a natter or phones them if she can't pop round, when it comes to my family there is as little input from her as she can get away with, always making an excuse to leave as quickly as she can.

Why lie? if she doesn't want to be apart of our lives then that is fine, its her choice but why lie?

Am I just being an unreasonable DIL and is my annoyance unwarranted?

YANBU I'd be annoyed by the lie to.

Whats the history then......has her and your DH had problems in the past?? There must be a reason surely.

But no, YANBU - if people are going to tell lies they need to check their facts first....what a tangled web we weave, when we practice to deceive...I love that saying!

too

The 'History' appears to be me, he has asked her before why we are treated so differently to the rest of the family and the conclusion was she has a problem with me. What the problem is we don't know, as she has never been able to explain it, but there is a family history of no woman being good enough for the sons in the family.

Surely if you're the problem she would come round when DH was in and you weren't... not the other way around? So that doesn't ring true... there's something else bothering her clearly. If I were you, next time she turns up with excuses I'd refuse to let her leave, sit the woman down and start a conversation about what is really going on and why she's fallen out with her son. I think you'd be surprised at the answer.

Did she know that her dd was home?

Surely you llie because it's simple politeness to not say "I don't really like you so I want to rush off?" You know it's a lie, she knows it's a lie but neither of you actually want to spell out the truth as it's rude, there's nothing to actually be gained by telling the truth.

The real question is why carry on the pretence of a relationship at all.

Your situation is exactly the one we have here.

exactly

Sorry I know its a pain.

Her distancing herself from us began when DH defended me when she began to call my parenting skills into question. DH has tried to get to the bottom of it and find the real reason but she refuses to answer any questions, when either DH or I try to talk about anything she talks over us or ignores what is being said and will steer it to a conversation that she wants, brick walls are a lot easier to deal with.

IMO Hand delivering the card means she can tell her DD (the one mentioned above) that she has been round but my DH wasn't in. (basing this on past converstations with my SIL)

My mil and mother make up all sorts of lies to get themselves of out situations they don't want to be in (and they don't all involve me)

It's fustrating and assumes you are some sort of idiot, but I think they are just White lies to be polite and to avoid confrontation. I would just humour her.

Lumiya, I am humouring her, I was polite, said thankyou and smiled, closed the door, checked she had driven off and then growled. After 16 years I am well practised in the art of the therapy smile see

camel the more you explain , the more I can relate to.

Even the 16 years bit!

In my situation DH's other siblings have also taken her 'side'.

It really is no wonder we are jumping ship and coming home to the UK! :)

Ah, i'm glad to see you can grin and bear it. One of the few times my mil came to see us, she had to rush back home to look after the (long time) dead dog.

Well, it is possible that she didn´t know-if it was all being done by FB.

How sad that she avoids her own son.

Lumiya, was the dog alright?

feminine, we have the sibling problem as well, DH has 4, 2 treat us the same as MIL, 1 use to until it was pointed out to him by an outsider that it was wrong and the last one is a good friend. (I was a witness at her wedding)

MIL was not looking after her GS he was at home with his Daddy.