Grrrrrrr

[madasa]

DP with man flu (earlier thread re his moaning and groaning) went back to work today supposedly
His alarm goes off at 4.30am and he leaves the house around 5.15am.
He has just walked back in the house cue more moaning and groaning saying he can't work feeling like this.
WIBU to just mention that he might have felt a bit better if he hadn't gone to bed at nearly 1am last night after being off allegedly ill all day?
Surely common sense would tell him that he would need more than 3 1/2 hrs sleep if he has a bloody cold dangerous flu?

Maybe he needs a whisky? Mine always seems able to drink like a fish despite being dangerously ill with the manflu.

YABU.

He knows how he feels. I've just got over crapflu, I was sleeping most of the day, waking to have meds, I had a few hot toddies (very soothing) and was unable to sleep at night.

You are not his mother.

YANBU at all.

No you are right aldi...I'm not his mother. I'd have sent him to his bloody room where I couldn't hear him whinging ages ago if i was

My DH is the same. Any time he says he's feeling "run down" my heart sinks and I know we'll have at least a week of whinging. If I have a cold I might go to bed early one night but other than that I get on with it. I can tell when DH is genuinely ill and in those circumstances I have sympathy but when has a sniffle and looks like the world's going to end all I think is "I pushed an 8 pound human being out of a tiny hole in my body with no pain relief, shut the fuck up!!"

CailinDana I know that heart sinking feeling. I too have a small modicum sympathy when he is very ill. I think I am just pissed off because he has done nothing but whinge for over 8 days now. I have it too but obviously not as bad as him as I can still do all the things that have to be done
I just feel if you are that ill that you are clearly at death's door then get yourself some sleep (and he can sleep) instead of sitting at your computer till 1am then we all might get some peace

The moaning IS annoying I suppose. But how he deals with his illness is up to him. So I wouldn't bat an eyelid if DH stayed up til 3am feelingcrap and playing on the pc as a distraction.

Sorry but I wouldn't.

But then when I am ill, I am ill. I do the bare miniumum. I cope just fine but I am not a 'trooper' (or a bloody martyr) and will allow myself to BE ILL.

Theres nothing worse actually than someone telling you how you should cope with illness (or childbirth or any kind of pain) and there are no prizes for pretending you're not ill.

By the way, if you feel better by carrying on, then that's fine, but not everyone's the same.

Apologies again. I've been ill for a week, in bed for half of it, and so bloody sick of that bloody wanking Boots ad with the bloody martyr women talking about how well they're bloody coping that I want to scream "Go to bed and be done with your passive agressive stealth whining, and stop spreading germs".

I wouldn't bat an eyelid either aldi if I didn't have to listen to him fucking moaning all the time.
My dad died 8 weeks ago and he never complained once during his illness or his last week of life...not bloody once!
I got told 2 weeks ago that I was feeling sorry for myself when i was in a state about my dad so I guess in this house you can only feel sorry for yourself if you've got something proper to whinge about.
I'm sorry you feel ill and I hope you feel better soon and for what it's worth I'd like to hurl my DP a vase through the bloody tv every time the boots ad comes on.

Madasa have a big hug from me.

Thank you OldMumsy.
I am out of the house for rest of the day with solicitors and sorting out dad's house so at least have not got to listen to him.
I might not sound like it but I love the very bones of him. I am guessing this is stemming from when I was told I was feeling sorry for myself (a very uncharacteristic comment from him btw)I should have said something at the time instead of letting it fester.

That puts a very different spin on things Madasa. I'm sorry for your loss. I suppose if your DH were more supportive/patient when you need to be low, then I'd stick to my guns about YBU!

Now I know more, YANBU at all. x

I'm lucky in that DH doesn't get ill very often and doesn't moan too much when he is.

But I do get a bit testy when he coughs so loudly that the rafters shake. I'm sure there isn't any need for that amount of noise... ditto nose-blowing/that horrible hawking thing in his throat.

For 'were' read 'had been' - wasn't meaning to demonise him either!

If you love him and you're otherwise good. Tell him to shut the fuck up and stop whining, maybe go completely OTT, have a tantrum... all very inadviseable things to do in general terms, but damn it feels good once in a while. (Very rarely a hissy fit is EXACTLY what you need).

I don't go nuclear often, but when I do I am very very irrational, I have a good old rant, I flounce, I stamp my feet, I become everything stereotypical I usually hate about my gender. Because its a rare occurance, DH knows my boundary has been wee'd on, and I'd pay to see the blinking look of panic in his eyes when he doesn't know how to react but knows he's responsible!

I prefer discussion, grown up chats about acceptable behaviour and an equal and just, patient and calm manner to things. But I'm not above pulling the 'girl' card when I've had enough. Unleash the beast.

Sorry aldi didn't mean to drip feed. He's usually the most supportive man in the world but for some reason that night he just lost his patience with me. I know he was worried about his job but I hadn't been sitting around wailing 24/7, I just was having a particularly bad night....which clashed I guess with his worries re his job.

All that's happened now is I hardly talk about my dad to him, if he asks how I am I tell him fine...and I cry when am alone. Hardly a good basis for an honest relationship.

Now I can feel the mother of all rows brewing, I've gone off completely at a tangent from my opening post and have to go and deal with the slimy solicitor and go into my dad's empty home.

Sorry for the rant ...and thank you for listening.

x post with you aldi

Sheesh missus, been too hard on you both haven't I?! Sounds like you are at breaking point, maybe a chat/talk/rant/row is what is needed? You need to clear the air.

Good luck with SlimySolicitor, and hope things get easier.

aldi you sound just like me! I am rarely ill but when I am I give in to it! I also don't understand people being unsympathetic to their partners when they are ill...........but everyone has a limit. My gorgeous DP has been quite seriously ill twice in the past 2 years (the illnesses/tests/hospital trips running over several months) and to my great shame I found the situation very annoying and frustrating and was way less sympathetic than I thought I'd be! I was very dissapointed with myself.