To be a bit put out and think friend needs to find herself not such a silly BF?

[flackjillpop]

I have an old childhood friend who has a new partner. I have been away for a bit and so haven't met him before (if I hadn't been away I would have met him before as we live in the same city and see each other a lot.

We were yesterday and were planning on when to meet up so I could meet him.

Anyway she phoned tonight and said that she felt awkward about saying this but her new partner (who before this sounded a reasonable bloke) felt odd meeting me.
I asked why?
She then started going back over what she already told me - i told you his family comes from Germany right? Did I tell you that his family are jewish? (my friend comes from jewish stock but is very much secular)
In the end I stop her and just get her to tell me.

He feels awkward about meeting a Palestinian. (I am from the west bank but have been in the UK since I was 14). He feels awkward about meeting someone whose country doesn't recognise Israel and commits crimes against people for just existing.

I said I was shocked and that I would need sometime to process it.

I think he is being ridiculous and that he shouldn't not want to meet me just because I am from Palestine and that he should have half a brain to see that every Palestinian isn't a fully signed up member of Hamas.

I don't want to meet him now - AIBU to think she shouldn't be dating such racist nincom poop?

tell him you have an issue with people who support a country who commits crimes against people for just exisitng, stops women in labour and babies accessing medical care, resulting in deaths, destroys homes and denys concrete for them to rebuild, bombs schools, using white phosphorous in built up areas against international laws, kicks people of ancestral lands in order to build illegal settlements, kills aid workers, boards ships on international waters and arrests the aid worker crew, etc etc but you are prepared to not hold that against every jewish person you meet as you know they are not all involved in these crimes.

What nailak said.

What an arse!

WSS^^^^

Best response I have seen....ever

I've never wished for a 'like' button on mumsnet before but I do now nailak

Does he not have anything to do with non Jewish Germans either then?

Speechless!! stupid cow, he's just trying to control who she spends time with

What nailak said - imo yanbu

I'm pretty ashamed of myself for not understanding enough about the Israel/Palestine situation to fully comprehend your post - but it dos sound like he is judging you based purely on your heritage which does make him bigoted...
Is it kind of like saying 'Oh I don't want to meet any Germans because of the Nazis'? - again, I apologise if this is wildy inaccurate - I'm trying to break it down to something my frazzled brain will process...

Oh I dont want to meet any Germans because of the Nazis

Its about right actually!

Ooooo Nailak don't forget he's also directly responsible for the murder of Christ.

The tosspot.

People are unlikely to hate entire groups if they personally know individuals within those groups whose character challenges their prejudices.

Meet up with him and challenge his prejudice by being the lovely, friendly person you are and let him feel like an idiot when he realises how silly he is being.

Thanks Bogeyface! (smirking at your name)
Err, then I am right - he sounds a bit bigoted...

@ bin

I frequently shout at R4 when it comes to stories of atrocities committed in the name of the freedom of Israelis. What about the freedom of the people whose land they have stolen? Oh, don't get me started now...
and some more!

Oh, and don't call him silly. Call him a complete wanker.

Print out Nailaks post and read it to them.

It says it all.

The issue is not what he said but why, I think it's about control and limiting access to old good friends.

How odd, and offensive. Does he have Israeli family members? There can be quite a bit of prejudice there (though also some lovely tolerant Israelis of course).

Do you discuss political matters with your friend? Presumably she has no issues with you being Palestinian? Sounding a bit hurt and baffled may be the best way forward here, and then she can think it through for herself and hopefully decide he is being an arse. (Though obviously nailak's approach is very tempting...)

I would have to seriously question my friendship if my "friend" was comfortable being with someone with such views, let alone someone who actively enforced these views against me. Shocking.

Thank you all

Our 'religions' have never been an issue - and politics wise she has always know that we left and why (we didn't move we left) and I will occationly mention my family back 'home'. But that it is.
I like it nailak
I suppose that is true bobble but don't know if I could now.

I have seen them come and go with her ( men that is) and he seemed to be ticking all the boxes....
But true it is controlling - crap

What nailak said, but with knobs on. He does sound a bit over the top OP next he'll be saying she shouldn't hang out with you either ...

What an self centred arse. Has he no sense of irony at what he is saying? Nailak has it spot on.

Is he really presenting a Zionist perspective or is it just all about him?

Pious, pompous and er, wrong

Oh lord, don't let this thread turn into the rights and wrongs of zionism. I can't imagine any of my Jewish or Israeli friends behaving like this.

The man is a dickhead, and your friend is a dickhead for colluding with him.

I had a similar experience with a friend and her new bf, who I invited to a dinner party. She rang to check if there would be any other working class people there, because "he feels uncomfortable being surrounded by middle class people". The man was a university lecturer. He apparently forgave me for being middle class (though actually from a less privileged background than his own) when he found out my brother had been in a punk band that he used to be a fan of. That's how deep it went.

They went on to get married, have children, then fall about under the weight of his emotional abuse and control freakery. He repeatedly snatched the children and took them abroad, he isolated her from all her friends, he spent all her money. Need I go on? This is not about politics, this is about a screwed up guy and a woman who is falling for him. Do not get sucked in!

Wow - great catch she's got there! I hope it doesn't last long :(

Hester your post takes me back to my University days, one simply had to have one of the common people at any respectable table. Preferably one from up North. And you're right I should never have mentioned the Z word.

That's awful OP :( Bigotry and racism. I hope your friend doesn't think this is acceptable behavior, otherwise she's not much of a friend.

hester at the wannabe working class type.

However, I am from the North, originally working class, with pukka credentials, and available for dinner parties.:

You should remind him that in the 30s such cods wallop was spread about the Jews. And to our eternal shame we know how that ended.
B