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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DH's washing habits are a bit OTT?

40 replies

SilkStalkings · 03/01/2012 17:54

DH's daily commute to work consists of 15mins walk +15mins train +another 10-15mins walk, same on the way home. He is sat at his desk all day. He wears a clean shirt everyday (NB does all ironing in the household) and a clean t-shirt every evening which he then sleeps in. He showers every morning and then when he gets in using shower gel or handwash. He suffers from dry scaly his legs which are itchy but he won't do anything about it, even though our bedlinen usually has little bloodstains where he has scratched in his sleep.

This has all built up in the last few years since he started commuting (he used to be as skanky as me when we were younger.) He seems to think this is all normal but I think he's getting a bit OCD.
I believe his skin problem is entirely caused by all this. Personally I believe soap is a hangover from when people only bathed once a week or went down mines! I try not to use the stuff myself unless really filthy, I find shampoo foam when I wash my hair does the job fine.

Are his washing habits really normal? Am I just a smelly skank?

OP posts:

ViviPru · 03/01/2012 18:00

When I was commuting into london and back every day I used to feel really grimy when I got in and had a bath pretty much every night, I also slept better if I did. Even now I sleep better if I've had a shower in the evening, but I only do it if I've been to the gym.

So if your assessment of his washing habits being OTT is based solely on his having a shower when he gets in, then YAB a bit U. I'd much rather get into bed with a fresh clean man too. Why not encourage him to research a hypoallergenic bodywash that will not exacerbate his skin problem even if it is used every day?

RillaBlythe · 03/01/2012 18:03

My DP showers twice a day. He commutes 20 mins by bike.

AMumInScotland · 03/01/2012 18:03

How about buying him some sort of moisturising shower gel? Dove shout about being moisturising, and I'm sure there's plenty of other choices. You could also see if there's a hypo-allergenic choice (Simple maybe do one?)

I think 2 showers a day is a bit excessive, but not terribly OCD, it's more what he's using on his skin that's likely to be the problem. Lots of men won't put moisturising cream on, but if it's there in the gel he'll get the benefit anyway!

Tortington · 03/01/2012 18:04

i think one shower a day is more than enough tbh.

he could use hand sanitiser if hes that bothered about the masses

Tortington · 03/01/2012 18:05

if you shower at night - put a clean t on - each night btw - then shower in the morning....how fucking dirty can you get?

Thingumy · 03/01/2012 18:05

He's no doubt inflaming his dry skin condition.

Get some shower gel with no nasty chemicals in it (same goes for the washing powder).

MrsSleepy · 03/01/2012 18:06

I shower at night and in the morning

mynewpassion · 03/01/2012 18:11

two showers a day isn't excessive. You want to feel clean to start the new day and clean before you go to bed. And I would bring hand sanitizer if I am using public transportation because people my sneeze and then touch a hand rail or a seat.

Sorry, but what's wrong with using shower gel on washing your body? That's what they are there for. I couldn't use shampoo.

Original poster

SilkStalkings · 03/01/2012 18:12

My thoughts exactly Custardo! I have suggested he could skip the evening one because we at home are less likely to care about him smelling than his colleagues. But he has got in the rut of needing the shower to delineate work from home, or more likely hide from the kids for 5mins.

It annoys me too because with all the showering and laundry he is the biggest consumer of water in the house by a huge amount. I'm still sharing baths with 2 or more kids. Maybe when they put in water metres this year things will change...

OP posts:

Hairynigel · 03/01/2012 18:14

YABU, he can shower when he wants. I don't think it's OCD. I can see why he would want a shower when he gets in, it just refreshes you and makes you feel relaxed and clean.
He is BU for not dong anything about his legs though, sounds a bit rank having hs blood on your sheets. Can he not get a moisturising shower gel or get a moisturiser for his legs?

Original poster

SilkStalkings · 03/01/2012 18:14

mynewpassion When you wash your hair in the shower the foam gets everywhere so there's no need for shower gel.

OP posts:

Tortington · 03/01/2012 18:17

oh no evening one is a must after all that sweat and excercising - its the morning one i dont get -

Feminine · 03/01/2012 18:17

mynew unless you buy some swanky organic shower gel, shampoo is basically the same stuff!

SLS and colours galore!

I don't know about your DH OP but...don't worry about the shampoo bit. .

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 03/01/2012 18:19

I imagine it is quite relaxing to have a shower after a day at work. Commuting can make you feel really grimy and horrid as well.
He is probably a much better dad after 5 mins relaxing in the shower before he greets his children too.

My dh has very dry itchy skin and finds Diprobase brings some relief. Extra washing does exacerbate his problems though, as do washing powders, being too hot, eating too much dairy etc.

He uses natural products as much as possible and that does help too.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 03/01/2012 18:22

Buy him some proper moisturising shower gel that's less harsh and a big bottle of e45 lotion to rub onto his legs after showering.

Twice a day is not excessive.

mynewpassion · 03/01/2012 18:25

Because the shampoo gets everywhere, I use the shower gel to clean it off my body. Also when I condition my hair, shower gel removes the grime and ickiness of it. I just feel cleaner using shower gel.

stealthsquiggle · 03/01/2012 18:30

If by "handwash" you mean Carex or anything like that, I am not suprised he has skin issues. That stuff destroys my hands, and I know plenty of people with excema-tendencies who find the same.

I would second Dove or Simple as replacement body washes.

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 03/01/2012 18:30

Aqueous cream may also help with his legs. Do a patch test with all of these things. A lot of people love E45 and a lot are massively allergic to it. It is probably the same with the others.

I came back because I remembered that dh takes hayfever tablets, even just now, which seem to ease the itching of his skin.

stealthsquiggle · 03/01/2012 18:34

FWIW (and further proving the point that patch testing is the way to go) aqueous cream is worse than nothing for me, as is E45, but Aveeno (the stuff with no hydrocortisone) works wonders, for me and for my DC.

mumnotmachine · 03/01/2012 18:35

I shower twice a day as well, morning and night- I feel ewww if I miss one!

MrsMcEnroe · 03/01/2012 18:42

I think this is more about the volumes of laundry and water usage than concern that your DH has OCD.

I used to commute in London and it is hell. I even had black snot from all the diesel fumes and other pollution (sorry if tmi ). I understand why your DH needs the evening shower. However, it does seem as though the morning one is a bit redundant!

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 03/01/2012 18:50

I have heard good things about Aveeno too. It irritates dh but cleared another friend's exzema almost instantly. You can get it in Costco too if you are a member there.

slavetofilofax · 03/01/2012 18:51

I think it's fine for your dh to have two showers a day. The morning one may be uneccesary for cleanliness purposes, but I can't get properly going in the morning until I have had a shower. Maybe he is the same.

There is no need for it to create more washing, he can use the same towel more than once.

BandOMothers · 03/01/2012 18:54

I don't get what you mean by "all this"?? My DH showers twice a day as he rides a bike to work....it's not too often...he probably needs to use emmolient cream when he washes and not soap....ask the chemist...it's brilliant and dirt cheap.

BandOMothers · 03/01/2012 18:55

And of course he needs a clean shirt and t shirt daily! What else? Sweaty ones?

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