to be pissed off with lack of response to party invitations

[paisleyII]

wouldn't matter so much if i was laying on some food & party games at our house although still annoying but i am forking out a fair bloody bit for a build a bear party at our house that i can't really afford and need to know how many can and can't come upfront. most have responded but there are always a few. i gave out the invitations just over three weeks ago. dd has repeatedly asked the two girls in question if they can come or not (she said they do seem to both really want to come) but they say they don't know if they can come. i ain't forking out £17.50 a head for a kid that doesn't turn up on the day. i need to know asides as i have to prepare food. i always respond quickly to invitations as i know the carer has enough on their plate arranging these doos and needs to know how much food to make etc. i wouldn't mind but one of the two wasn't even on the list originally, i thought she might feel left out so was trying to be nice and said to dd to give her an invitation too. she may have a genuine reason for not know but then the mother/carer could say something. i wouldn't mind but i made a point on the invitations of putting a big ring round the rsvp bit and adding/underlying the word please

I'm guessing everyone is just going to say "call the carers yourself".

Call the carers yourself.

i would but i don't know these two kids/have no numbers

I sympathise. This used to drive me nuts too, until I recently pulled an invitation to a party from DDs book bag and realised I had missed the party by a week. I don't know how I had missed it up to that point and DD hadn't saida word about being invited. Could you contact the moms directly and ask if the girls are going?

I sympathise. We had 7 yes 7 children turn up to dd's birthday party who had not even responded!! To be fair one of their mum's had called in the morning and said they had had to change their plans and would it be ok for their dd to come but the other 6 just turned up

Will Build a Bear really charge you for children who aren't there? I would have thought a high proportion of their costs related to materials provided

Ok fair enough. How old is your DD? Tell her to tell the friends that they cannot come. Not ideal, but then neither was inviting children whose parents you are unable to contact directly (although I'm not necessarily saying that you are at fault for that). The invitation withdrawal might be the catalyst needed to spark these girls into action.

soandso - you'd be surprised. i just called the women who runs it and grovelled a little, she said she would normally charge but will need to think about it.....tbh, as my daughter has food allergies i am supplying all food and birthday cake (they normally do this but i told them not to), as fa as i can tell they are only supplying the teddy (material wise) and i guess extras BUT all non perishable and nothing that would have had to be previously supplied, i am hoping that she will take pity...they get work from word of mouth scenarios so i would have thought it better to be more accommodating as i am more likely to recommend them to someone else. it is just the thought of paying out two lots of 17.50 for two kids that don't turn up. if i knew who their carers/mums were i would look for them and ask but the school gate is a nightmare at the best of time, it would be like looking for a needle in a haystack and dd doesn't know what their carer looks like. i guess i'll just have to grit my teeth. as chinam said, it is always possible that the kid may have invite still in their bag BUT dd has been hassling them, you'd think if they wanted to come they would remember to find out if they can come or not, don't do me any bloody favours ffs

viv, i thought of that but then cannot guarantee that they won't come even if they were told they couldn't (plus i would feel a bit mean), as someone else has already said, some kids don't respond to rsvps (carers) but turn up anyway so my verbally saying to dd tell them they can't come doesn't guarantee they won't. i will chill out about it, in the scheme of things it ain't much really, just annoying. dd (who is 8) will try asking them again tomorrow. our house is really small so tbh the fewer the better plus i save a few quid into the bargain :)

Sounds like you have a sensible attitude OP. Worst that can happen is that they turn up, there isn't enough provision for them to get involved in the activity and they get strop on.

Wow just twigged the at home bit. I didn't know they did them like that DD has only ever been to one at one of their shops. I hope she takes pity on you they must surely have some flexibility to allow for illness etc.

soand - dd went to one at home a while ago, i thought it was a nice idea. two women coordinate - one in one room stuffing bears etc, the other room another lady plays games or entertains them. mind you, space wise hard to swing a cat at our place so should be fun... i just like the idea someone else is doing the entertaining while i make sarnis' in the kitchen :), worth splashing out me' thinks. tbh i think it is a cheek if she does charge me as she doesn't have to prepare items per child so there is no time or cash wasted that i can see if there is one child less. i have paid the minimum they do parties for (8 kids) which i have already paid for in full, no loss effortwise to her if the additional one i called and said would be coming doesn't. i don't think she will charge me, i was very friendly/grovelling and will make her some nice food........... if she does, she does, i was just venting off is' all :)

YANBU. I wonder if lots of people are thick don't understand what RSVP means? I've been though this many times, so now I don't even write RSVP, I put PLEASE REPLY BY [DATE] AS i NEED TO HOW MANY ARE COMING.

and underlined in pink highlighter

Could you send your DD in with a note for both girls carers? Just saying something along the lines of needing to know numbers for the build a bear ladies re materials or something? Not ideal and a bit of a pain but worth a try.

thanks lol but i don't feel confident that any additional note will end up with an outcome of the carer in question getting back to me.i'll leave it to dd to see if she can find out tomorrow and if not, i'll leave it but if either come on the day i will be gracious but say to the mother/carer 'oh, i didn't think your dd was coming as i didn't get a confirmation from you' although of course, the child can still come, haven't got it in me to be off and turn them away, wouldn't dream of it. always possible the invite wasn't found although i personally always go through dd's school bag as her school often give her lovely sheets of A4 full of bossy shite either after money for somehting or another or notes about what food not to give them ie full fat butter...now that's a WHOLE different moan

Some people are just cunts IME. I've only ever done one pay-per-child party, and I'll never do another one again.

Some people are really rude about party invitations. DS invited triplets to a pay per head party and the parent neither replied nor turned up - cost me £30, although the money wasn't the principle - we could have invited 3 other friends on your behalf

Paisley - I completely sympathise!! My DD's party is on Sat and I have heard from 5 of the 15 children invited. It's driving me nuts!! And half of them are at nursery, they only go back on Thurs so I have to hope I bump into the parents at drop off to find out whether they can come.
Really rude!! I'm not sure whether we're going to have an empty room or be overrun and not have enough party bags.....

In my experience some people are so busy they forget to reply and others don't think they have to reply.

What worked for me was I sent in via the class teacher notes for all the non-responders. This way the message went into the childrens bags. I put the notes in large A4 envelopes so that they couldn't be missed in the school bag and the note explained that it was a pay per child party and I had to have exact numbers. I included my land line, mobile number and email in the note and ended by saying that if I didn't hear from them by x date, then I would assume that the child would not be attending.
This ment that the ball was in their court. The lazy arses didn't have to do anything (and they didn't), the others had a gentle prompt.

It is not unreasonable where numbers are limited or with pay per child parties to expect yes/no replies. The real trick is how to handle the random turn-ups and siblings...

Good luck!

That is why I often start telling people if they are likely to come before sending invites. :)

Always state "reply by ___", and if the person doesn't, then tough. And if they turn up, shame. Maybe they will learn.

Or... don't tell them where the party is. They have to contact you to find out.

I would just start asking people you do know, who these girls parents are, do they have the phone number. Eventually you will find a common aquaintance who does. Then I would phone them.
Its much better when schools do class lists though.

Probably sounding smug, but I get phone numbers when I give out invites. I made it a mission to get everyone's phone numbers the second my sons started socialising. I've never used most of them but people have busy lives, some are rude and ignorant, but others just forget to respond, or lose the invite and can't (because they've never been on the phone number mission).

So every year, I ring the unresponding carers myself a week before the event (usually when you have to confirm numbers).

YANBU though, you've simply made the stress worse.

I think you need to start a mini-mission to get numbers asap.

But yes, its bloody annoying! It will happen though. Without fail.

Very annoying when you get no replies to invitations, which is why I never did any parties that involved price per child. I also used to make sure I had the families contact details, in case of emergency during the party, but also useful to chase up invitees!

If you have to pay for DCs that don't show, get your DD to make the extra bears for herself. They would be paid for so make them or get the materials as one of those "takeway kit" packs. Otherwise the woman is getting money for nothing.

I've just been through this with my DS's 4th birthday party before Christmas. I appreciate that the week before Christmas is a busy time for everyone so I do a joint party with a friend whose daughter is the same age and her birthday is a few days after my DS, that way the people we both know only have one event to attend and it's cheaper and less effort for us to organise. I sent the invites out to 6 of his friends at pre-school and 6 of his other friends over a month in advance.

Of the 6 from pre-school 1 said upfront they couldn't come, 1 let me know the night before the child was ill and wouldn't be coming, 1 never replied at all and didn't turn up, 2 said they were coming and didn't turn up which left me with one child who replied and actually came. The other children that were invited all turned up as expected. If I had been doing the party for just my DS it could have been very empty indeed! I've heard nothing from the 2 that had said they were coming and didn't show, no apology, explanation or anything.

Fortunately DS had a brilliant time which is all that matters at the end of the day.

I am extremely cross though and really don't feel like going to all the effort of hiring a hall, entertainer, doing food ourselves and party bags in future if this is the sort of rudeness I can expect from people. I always reply promptly to any invitations as I appreciate the effort that goes into organising a party and the cost involved.

I'm thinking next year of taking DS and a couple of friends to a pantomime and McDonalds or something instead. Will be using your idea Ivana for the invitations though!