to be totally pissed off with my family...

[hopefulgum]

My dad's 70th birthday is coming up very soon. Last year around the time of his 69th birthday he started making hints about how important his 70th birthday is, and that he expected something nice to happen.

My sister and I discussed it with my mother who told us, "Not to worry, she wanted to take him on a cruise and would organise a family dinner in a small town near where they live".

I felt relieved that I didn't need to do anything, and forgot about it.

Last week it suddenly occurred to me that this 70th was coming up, so I called my mother, who has decided she doesn't want to go on a cruise, and doesn't like the restaurant anymore. I asked what we'd do instead, and she said she couldn't think of anything, and that I'd have to organise something.

My dad likes expensive restaurants and is a bit into "status" - he cares about what brand car he drives, has asked for a rolex watch for his birthday etc. So I suggested to my brother and sister that we go to a really nice resaturant in my town (it's close to them and is lovely), but because it is upmarket, I couldn't afford to take all my kids (I have 5) and would like to make it an adults thing. My mother seemed to be okay with that. Now my brother has rung to say that our dad is a family man, and my mum wants all the grandchildren there, and his daughter( 8 years old) doesn't like babysitters, so we will go to a cheap resturant at a boring hotel instead. Frankly the resturant is really awful - bain marie, nasty salads etc.

He doesn't seem to understand that I'll still have to fork out a tonne of cash for my 5 kids, and things are really tight at the moment.

My sister on the other hand is having elective cosmetic surgery at the time (which she won't/can't change), so won't be there, which I know will be upsetting for my dad. She also won't help organise anything because she doesn't want to.

Now it is up to me to book the crappy restaurant.

I don't quite know why I'm feeling peeved.

I recently organised Christmas lunch for the entire family too.

Perhaps I'm being selfish? I don't think I'd mind so much if I could afford it and if I didn't have to control a tired, energetic 3 year old DS in a resturant. I suppose I'll just grin and bear it for my dad's sake.

I think I would just explain to your DB that you cant afford to take your 5 kids to either of the restaurants. If he doesn't get that he is a bit of a knob and I wouldn't worry what he thinks. It's up to him if he wants to take his DC, doesnt mean you have to take yours.

Organize a full family brunch at home then posh dinner for grown ups and the 8 year old. Just book it without discussing, since it was all dumped on you. :)

or you could take him and your mum for lunch on the big day at the posh restaurant, and let the others organise their own thing.

I had this with my dad's 60th so I really sympathise. I wanted to hire the cricket club and throw a party. My brother was dead against it, saying people, music and food dont make a party (wtf?) but he's the party animal and I'm not really any good at things like that so I took his word.. He turned my mum against the idea and so nothing happened. It's a very long story but three years on I feel really bad that it passed by without being more of an occasion. I threw a big family party for his 61st but it wasn't the same :(

I would do what Hatti suggested tbh. Your own little thing that you can afford. I don't see why you are lumbered with organising something you don't and can't afford to take part in.

Has anyone actually asked your dad what he wants to do?

There seems to be a lot of second-guessing going on, might be time to forgo the element of surprise for the sake of getting it sorted out...

I think you should tell your mum to organise it. She was the one who took it on her shoulders and then changed her mind but didn't tell anyone til the last minute. It's not your responsibility to pick up where she fucked up, it's hers. You should probably also point out that with 5 kids you are a tad busy and can't find the time to arrange something suitably fantastic at such short notice.

If you do decide to do it yourself then really just do what you want. No one is helping you and so they don't get a say in it.

Also, your dad sounds a tad demanding!

if it was my DH 70th i would want to organise it and just invite children and grandchildren along, let your mum sort it she knows your dad best

it was my sil 30th in November and we all went out for dinner, my bil didnt bring his 2 children aged 13 and 15 and just said they were at their other nanas for the weekend, so you could go to posh place to eat and just let your brother take his child

I'd let them all get on with it, and just invite him and your mum round for a nice meal with your family.

Rolex watch? Wtf? Who's going to be paying for that?

Your dad sounds very demanding, am not surprised you're feeling put out, because everyone else is throwing obstacles in your path. Sounds all very passive aggressive. Basically they want you to do as you're told - and that kind of person won't be happy whatever you do. Decide what you're happy to do/not do, communicate this very clearly and then ignore any sniping you get. You need to decide your boundaries and stick to them until they realise that they can't play these games with you.