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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this invite...?

13 replies

toobreathless · 03/01/2012 01:35

Another wedding AIBU I'm afraid but DH is in Afghanistan & I'm prone to over thinking things & probably need to be told I'm being ridiculous. Very trivial I know!

We have a wedding invite for next June. It's a friend of mine from Uni who I see every other month or so as we live 3hrs away. We are fairly close, she came to my hen do & wedding a few years ago. She made a special trip after DD was born etc

My DD will be 15 months at the time of her wedding. I'm going back to work full time the day she turns one. I work 9-5 mon-Friday plus 1 in 4 weekends (12 hr days) & weeks of nights. When I work a weekend I do 12 straight days. I am already having serious wobbles about her being in nursery FT.

The wedding is to be child free. WIBU to decline simply because I don't want to spend yet another day away from DD? Or am I being rather precious.

OP posts:
echt · 03/01/2012 01:40

It's one weekend, and by the look of it, your friend has been a good one. You've got loads of time to 1. See lots of your DD 2. Plan child care that'll work for your much older DD who'll be easier to leave in one way, though heart-wrenching in another.

SmegmaNotJustForChristmas · 03/01/2012 01:43

If the baby will already be in day care I think YAB a bit U

Maybe arrange a babysitter to hang out at the hotel so you can pop back and forth?

Get0rf · 03/01/2012 01:47

I don't blame you for not being able to imagine how you will be able to leave her again at this point, and I can see how stressed you are at the thought of leaving her. However, it is 6 months away. You may well find that your feelings are somewhat different then.

If I were you I would accept at the moment, and then have a think in a couple of months before the wedding (i.e. when your dd has been in childcare for a month).

It would be shame to say no to the invite at this point. If you really don't want to go, you can say to your friend that childcare is going to be impossible, and you won't be able to go.

You are not being precious at all, and if you really don't want to leave dd unecessarily, that is fine. It just would be a shame to burn your bridges option wise at this point.

choux · 03/01/2012 01:47

Can you not go to wedding and part of reception then get back for a few hours with DD? Or have DD and her childcare stay close to wedding venue so you can see her in day and then go back to reception once she is asleep?

I agree that you should make an effort for friend's big day. Also mums need to socialise too!!!

GingerSnapsBack · 03/01/2012 01:52

I suppose it depends on timings and how far away you will be really. Ywnbu to decline that is entirely your decision but if you want to go Ywbu not to for the sake of one day especiallyif you would have otherwise been working and not with dd in the first place

BandOMothers · 03/01/2012 02:07

I think you should go...and enjoy yourself...a Mum with no time to herself is a miserable one and you need to be happy too.

TroublesomeEx · 03/01/2012 06:39

In the grand scheme of things, it's one day/weekend.

In years to come, you and your friend will remember the day that you spent with her.

Your baby won't remember that you weren't there for that day.

I can completely understand that you are 'over thinking' this now, but it's true, once you're back at work and your DD is settled in child care you may well feel differently to you do now.

As much as anything, you will have the rest of your lives to spend time with your DD, your friend will (hopefully!) only have this one wedding day.

NorksAreMessy · 03/01/2012 06:49

YANBU Nobody HAS to go to anything if they don't want to, if it really is too much, then say no NOW to your friend and explain all the reasons you have explained here.
An invitation is not a court summons. You go if you want to and don't if you don't

YABU, though, for calling it an 'invite' when 'invitation' is the better word :)

bejeezus · 03/01/2012 06:53

I would go to the wedding, leaving dc with childcare. But I would take a day or so annual leave either side of it, to spend time with your baby.

WinkyWinkola · 03/01/2012 06:53

It does seem like all too much right now but I think you should go. Your friend will appreciate it so much. Your dd2 won't remember.

Accept the invitation but let your friend know childcare could be an issue.

Kick up your heels and have a great time at the wedding. How often do you get to party Grin

wannabestressfree · 03/01/2012 06:56

I would RSVP and when you next spend time with your friend confide in her the difficulties as you see them with your dd. Then if there is a problem it won't come as a shock or feel like you have let her down.
And maybe arrange a grandparents day for her that day. Then you can have a fun day, spend time getting ready etc, really enjoy yourself :}

jubilee10 · 03/01/2012 07:57

I wouldn't go. I think people are entitled to have child free weddings if that's what they want, that's their choice, but I only go to the ones that my children are invited to, that's my choice.

CrotchFlakes · 03/01/2012 08:33

Can you go, with DD and someone who looks after her at the nursery. Park them in a hotel room where the reception is (get a day room if necessary) with directions to the park. Go to the wedding. Pop in and out to see DD as required. Then either all stay over or come back.

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