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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to spend next christmas and new year with my dcs, just us, at home and go OUT for dinner so no cooking and not visit family, have no bloody family visiting!!!!

7 replies

nuitdesetoiles · 02/01/2012 21:24

Christmas was ok, days in between great but because of dhs TOTAL inability to tolerate any kind of additional "stress" there have been moments when it's just been a bit shit.

Xmas day am, dh in a foul mood, I'd not slept due to dd waking me up 3 times in the night, I have a sleep problem very light sleeper and takes me hours to get back off. When she trots in (she's 5) complaining of a tummy ache/nightmare whatever it's me who wakes to sort her out, not dh, he snores through it. I asked him on waking, politely if he could get me a brew, he whinged about being tired himself. i explained I'd had a crap night, actually spent most of it listening to him snoring. he did so, grudgingly, with bad grace.

Arranged to go to my parents for dinner, whcih my mum and dh had agreed to cook. Both f**king control freaks tbh so there was that tension to contend with. Obviously had to get me, dh 2 kids and all the presents for my family packed and in the car and out the door at a reasonable time, cue dh getting stressy and nasty as i was "nagging" apparently. I'd done nearly all the packing and planning etc. on Christmas eve but he still was reluctant to just get a move on and get sorted.

He behaved at parents, as did my mother, sister there too so good dilution. Boxing day and day after good, seeing my friends, he was fine, no stress.

NYE good, people round etc. Today shit, total total shit, he's been vile, prob due to the fact he's back at work tomorrow and is a stress head about it. He's also got absolutely no goddamn common sense but can't tolerate me pointing it out, ever, which makes life f**king tough. Feel like 2012 is going to be another horrible year, me just bottling things and feeling miserable. but anyway, mentioned to mum on Christmas that we both work bloody hard, we have 2 young children and next xmas we'd like to spend it at home, we would see family on boxing day. I suggested to dh about going out for dinner (as if he has to do it it'll just be vile, and I don't want to spend all day in the kitchen, when dh works he works away a lot of the time then is so knackered at the weekends he sleeps a lot so the childcare and running of the house is down to me, plus I work in a highly stressful job that's nearly killing me).

Mum said they'd drive up to see us xmas day afternoon, I said we'd probably not have visitors (last time they came xmas day pm for "a drink and a mince pie" ds was 3 months old and breastfeeding and i loaded and unloaded the dishwasher 4 times whilst they sat on the sofa), i got "the look" from Mother.

If I have much more of dh being like this I'll see 2013 in on my own but if by some miracle it's ok, AIBU to want a quiet low key, hassle free Christmas?? Or am I being selfish?

Sorry for rant..so fed up.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 02/01/2012 21:28

Not selfish to want a hassle free Christmas but tbh I reckon it's your dh that's the issue and nothing else.

You need to tell him his behaviour is making you miserable. The he either fixes it and stops being self indulgent prat or he doesn't in which case you can evaluate your options.

Dawndonna · 02/01/2012 21:28

I haven't let anyone come for Christmas (apart from one emergency) for ten years. It's me, dh and dcs. Heaven.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 02/01/2012 21:35

Yanbu and we will not be doing the extended family Christmas again after the farce that was this year, I had the mother of all barnys at my mil, naughty me...! What I don't understand is why they expect of us what wasn't expected of them in their youth

Yadnbu!

lovelyladuree · 02/01/2012 21:35

I know just how you are feeling. Amazing parallels with my own Christmas & NY. My DP also has had the hump all day today because he is going back to work tomorrow. Never mind that I had to work three days last week and farm the kids out to grandparents because he was too hungover,etc. He went to the darts last Weds, footy on Saturday (5 hr round trip), pub Sunday and today for 4hrs each day. I entertained his family Christmas day and Boxing day; churning out piles and piles of food for the greedy bastards, and all he could do was complain about the sprouts! I have said that we are going out next Christmas because I refuse to be a house slave anymore. I didn't see the kids at all because I was up to my elbows in veg.

I think we both need to be stronger and stand up to these men. We have stressful jobs, run homes, bring up kids, etc. Many I time I have fantasised about leaving him. And then he goes and does something lovely and the bad feelings pass.

Good luck.

DoMeDon · 02/01/2012 21:35

Stressfull jobs, DH working away and an inability to cope with stress are a recipe for marriage murder. Something's gotta give and it does sound like it will be your relationship unless you can find a way back to each other. The only part of Xmas that didn;t seem a problem was when you were with people so I'm not sure why you want to avoid them next year!? Xmas dinner out is lovely, expensive, different, exciting and a bit disappointing all in one for me. it was my DM's idea of heaven though and the 2 years we did it she was V.happy.

Northernlurker · 02/01/2012 21:40

It's not acceptable for partners to be horrible because they're going back to work the next day. My dh has been like this occasionally and I try to make it clear that I'm not putting up with it. I actually think it helps a relationship if you're both working because it means nobody has exclusive use either of the 'I'm holding the home together with my teeth' t-shirt or the 'I put bread on the table' hair shirt.

qwertysue · 02/01/2012 22:09

im so sorry you didnt have a great christmas, it is one of the most stressfull times of the year, and tbh just because you go out for dinner that wont solve any issues, just create new ones. i was one of those kids who had to go visiting on christmas day, get dragged from house to house because it was tradition, and i hated it! now as a parent, i take my DCs nowhere on christmas day, others are welcome to pop in if they so wish, my brother has picked the same route for his family. and the thought of being dragged out for a meal? and having to shush the kids so they dont disturb others who will have also paid a great deal to go out? nah. what you really have to ask yourself is which parts of the day are really important? is it really such a big ordeal to have the huge turkey dinner ? is it really improtant to see everybody? or is it important to just have a happy time with your immediate family being you, DH n DC? why not create a new tradition that works stress free? for example get a huge takaway? an over the top one! (if they are open where you live? they are near us) or try a bottle n plate idea? where anybody who turns up must bring food n drink that will end up as a huge buffet before you know it! at the end of the day, what im trying to say is its ok to want to avoid all of the stress, but first you need to need to know exactly what the stress causes are and are they really traditions worth keeping? bets of luck

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