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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Christmas guest could have stayed at home

13 replies

ScarlettIsWalking · 02/01/2012 20:53

DSS and his girlfriend came to share Christmas day with us this year, we were all really looking forward esp DD. When they arrived I could tell immediately DSS girlfriend was really unwell, she looked like death, bad cough, weak. She mumbled something about being off work for ages but "not contagious anymore". I was a bit Hmm and spend the rest of the day a bit uncomfortable as I really didn't want DD to catch it having just got over various nasty virus' and a spell in hospital. Also DH was off work for the first time in ages. All of which they knew about.

Consequently DH has been extremely unwell all holiday after coming down with it 3 days after' he is currently in bed which is an absolute rarity for him I am genuinely concerned Sad .

I can trace it back to this guest. AIBU to think she should have just said she was unwell and not come along? Would you have done so? I know I would have...better to let us down (I would have been fine with and understood) that pass on a really awful virus at holiday time.

OP posts:
AKMD · 02/01/2012 21:16

YABU. You know you would have understood but she probably didn't want to let you down at the last minute.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 02/01/2012 21:18

So she should have just spent Xmas all alone then?

skybluepearl · 02/01/2012 21:21

all my family and thier husbands/wives would just continue as planned unless there was a really good reason (someone recovering from cancer or similar). if the relationship was quite a new one maybe she could have stayed at home?

TeapotsInJune · 02/01/2012 21:21

I think YABU sorry, I have been poorly for weeks. I don't think it's catching, certainly none of my dearest and nearest have had it and I'm having tests next week for all sorts of un lovely things. People have been very unpleasant to me for being ill and it has been very upsetting. Maybe I should have spent christmas alone but shrug it wouldn't have been nice.

A bit of sympathy for the poor girl maybe!? It's a shame your DD became unwell but it could have come from anybody.

skybluepearl · 02/01/2012 21:22

as long as she had her own family with her of course

hellhasnofury · 02/01/2012 21:23

Genuine question-How can you trace it back to that particular guest?

Gumby · 02/01/2012 21:23

Your dh could have caught it from someone coughing away in tesco
Yabu

CrotchFlakes · 02/01/2012 21:38

As someone who has already been blamed for infecting my entire family and inlaws with bird flu, when:

  1. I had a slight cough
  2. They were here for a few hours
  3. I didn't cough in their faces
  4. They have been to the shops/cinema/public transport and been in contact with the general manky sneezing public

so why is it my fault?

Did you have her germs DNA tested?

slavetofilofax · 02/01/2012 22:31

YANBU.

I do not welcome anyone into my home if they are ill with something that could be contagious, and I would have questioned how she knew she wasn't contagious before I would have let her stay. But then I am a bit freaky about my dc and dh being ill.

I think this girl was very very selfish. I realise it wouldn't be nice for her to be alone, but then her boyfriend could have chosen to stay with her if he had wanted to. And it's not very nice for anyone to be ill, that's exactly the reason why you should keep yourself away from others when you're sick!

ImperialBlether · 02/01/2012 22:37

YANBU. It is incredibly selfish to go to someone's house (particularly in winter when the doors are shut, heating's on etc) when you're infectious. I can understand if she just went straight up to bed and her boyfriend took her up food etc, but for her to sit amongst everyone, knowing that she felt like shit and they would too, soon, is really, really rude.

Confuzzled128 · 02/01/2012 22:40

^^That's a little harsh, slave. Most colds/ flus are, infact, less contagious or not at all contagious when symptoms are in full swing. It's all about the incubation period (the days leading up to the full blown symptoms). YABU, apologise to the girl if it has been obvious you had doubts of having her over.

slavetofilofax · 02/01/2012 22:49

The girl said she had been of work for ages, that sounds like more than a cold to me. And if she had flu, she would have felt crap enough to not want to be there.

I realise that I might come across as harsh, but when there are pre existing conditions in a family, people turning up at your home with illnesses becomes a big deal. I shouldn't have to tell people why these things worry me so much, they should just be polite and considerate enough to not inflict illnesses on other people in the first place.

I also work with a child who has a suppressed immune system, for all I know there are children with simelar problems at my dc's schools. There could be serious complications from us spending time with someone who is sick and then taking it into school and passing it on before the symptoms begin.

There might be a risk just from normal life, but it's madness to say that that risk isn't increased by spending a day in the same room with someone who is ill.

LucyGoose · 03/01/2012 18:09

I am the recipient of my FIL's flu bug and not too happy about it, but what could I do? Turn around when I realised he was ill on xmas day and go to a hotel? After I had flown 8 hrs to see them?

I am still ill now back at work, 6 days later.

These things happen, its stinks, but its life.

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