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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to wonder when fathers started to be present at their child's birth?

78 replies

ComposHat · 02/01/2012 20:26

For no other reason than I'm curious.

I was born in the very early eighties and in common with most of my friends born in the late 70s/early 80s, my father was present at the birth.

Obviously when my parents were born in the 1950s my grandfathers didn't go anywhere near.

So does anyone know it became the norm for fathers to be at the birth?

OP posts:

seniortoeslately · 02/01/2012 23:49

By the time I had my first DS in 1986, fathers being present at birth seemed to be almost mandatory. Ex-DH was invited to cut the cord, which he did with enthusiasm.

Original poster

ComposHat · 02/01/2012 23:54

Oh this is so nice to hear everyone's stories! My Dad has never talked about the experience of seeing me (1980) or my sister (1982) being born or whether he encountered any resistance from hospital staff.

He's not given to talking about such things, but will see if I can get him to open up a bit next time I see him.

OP posts:

ItsTimeToBurnThisDiscoDown · 03/01/2012 00:00

I was born in 1978, the midwife practically forced my Dad into the delivery room (he was scared!), then booted him out straight away because they needed to deliver me with forceps. Which is a bit weird thinking about it, if I'd have needed forceps with DS I think I'd have needed DH there more, not less. With my sister (1980) she came quite quickly and he was a delivery driver, so by the time they got hold of him she'd arrived.

LordFlashheart · 03/01/2012 00:00

My dad present at my birth 1977 and only just at my brother's 1979 in a hospital.

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:03

My mum had my dad there in 1073 when I was born. It was at a time when some hospitals were allowing it and some werent and ours was sort of wavering in that if the dad was asked to leave and he did then great but they didnt push it if he wouldnt. I was apparantly fast and furious and she was in such a terrible state that when the MW told my dad he might want to leave my mother threatened her with bodily harm! To this day she wont tell me what she said but it must have been bad as she is still clearly mortified :o

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:04

Christ Bogey, how old ARE you?

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:04

Ah, that would be 1973 not 1073, although I would understand if people did think I might be 1000 years old :o

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:04

X post Catpuss :o:o

CatPussRoastingByAnOpenFire · 03/01/2012 00:05

missingmumxox · 03/01/2012 00:29

1970 Dad in for me but brother born 1972 Dad not there and a lot of "words" and "looks" every time his birth came up, and meeting my midwife about 10 years ago and her refering to my Dad as "green and vomity looking" at my birth.

That said my Dad was a Ambulance man (as they all where in those days) and my Mum a Newly qualified Midwife might have had some thing to do with that. my Aunt was born in 63 and she was the only child my Grandad didn't witness out of his 5 starting with my Mum in 1946, but she was also the only hospital born one?

I think it was evident when my Mum was dying last few minutes, and he walked out of the room, after he said it wasn't right for him to have seen her first breath, then her last.. I don't blame him for leaving.

Bogeyface · 03/01/2012 00:37

Oh Missing :(

That has made me cry. I am so sorry for you losing your mum, and how heartbreaking it must have been for your Grandad too :(

xxx

fit2drop · 03/01/2012 00:42

My three DDs were born in 74.75 and 77...dad not there and was not encouraged to be , it just wasn't the "done thing" however when I had my son in 83 it was common practice and almost very much expected of the dad to be there. I know I was adamant that he was and yet I definately never even gave it a thought with the first three only 6 years earlier.
Not sure why or how the "dad in attendance" climate changed

suzikettles · 03/01/2012 00:58

I was born in 1972 and there was no question of my dad being allowed at the birth.

My brother was born in 1975 and that time my dad was asked if he wanted to be there, but he declined because he really didn't fancy it he reckoned it wouldn't be fair because he wasn't at mine

1944girl · 03/01/2012 01:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sayithowitis · 03/01/2012 01:19

Another one here born in early 1960's. My dad was present for my birth ( whole thing) and my sister's a couple of years later.

FIL was not present for DH's birth in mid 50's, but was there for both BILs' births in the late 50's and early 60's.

Not sure why there was such a variance in whether or not fathers were allowed to be present. possibly geographical, though DH and I were not born in the same area. By the time our DCs were born, it seemed more unusual for the father not to be present. DH was with me both times, start to finish.

sayithowitis · 03/01/2012 01:20

Sorry. Meant to say our DCs were born 80's and 90's.

MabliD · 03/01/2012 01:34

My Granddad was there for my Mum's (hospital) birth in 1957, and therefore possibly quite a trend setter! I suspect he just didn't get out of the room quick enough...

My Dad was there for mine and my sister's (1984/1987) and FIL was there for all his children's births beginning with DH in 1980.

Industrial Midlands / Rural Wales for locations

confuddledDOTcom · 03/01/2012 01:39

Oh missing, that really has made me cry and it's not often I do on here. I witnessed my first daughter's every breath so I can understand how your grandad felt (although obviously he had longer with her and he expected at her birth to outlive her) you never expect to bury a child.

We were all 80s children and my dad was there for all. I've had 4 children myself in the last 6 years and OH was only allowed to be there for two as I had a GA the other times.

I think the change was to do with an attitude change, that women needed support and weren't naughty little girls who shouldn't have become pregnant in the first place so deserve this (don't believe me, read "My OB Said What?!?!" it still happens), possibly as people became less religious (the whole curse of Eve thing) an understanding of more natural birth and definitely less twilight (although I don't think that was as common here as in the US).

Original poster

ComposHat · 03/01/2012 03:06

missing- that's so very sad, I am very sorry for you.

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 03/01/2012 03:19

Oh missing. :( So sorry.

My brother was born in '79 and I was born in '82 and Dad was there both times. We were born in Ohio. :)

neshnosher · 03/01/2012 04:28

I was born in 1962 and my Dad was fagging it in the waiting room which was as close as my Mother wanted him to be.
After my arrival he slipped in stinking of fag ash and booze (Hip flask a go go) kissed us both and went on to wet the babies head with his brothers and mates while my grandmother looked after the other kids for my Mother :)

Times have changed

sashh · 03/01/2012 04:54

When my mum was in with me (1966) someone had the crazy idea that they wanted their husband in at the birth.

After much argument husband was told to wait outside and he would be called for the last push. He was called after the last push.

Apparently all the other mothers and the staff thought it was a whacky idea for him to be present.

But at that time (and in that time) it was unusual for second children to be born in hospital, my cousin born 2 months later was born at home with dad present.

missingmumxox · 05/01/2012 01:32

confuddledDOTcom and others, sorry I didn't mean to make you sad, I was just in my way saying that even in the 40's Father sometime saw births, but then as I wrote it and remembered that and just put it down it make me sad too, for him, I have my own issues but he is sort of top of my mind at the moment as he is starting to loose it and keeps calling me kate, which was my mum, then he remembers and gets sad.
Confuddle I imagine you had a short time with your daughter? Well in my funny little world my Mum and dad will be looking after her, they both got their ashes scattered on a SANDS rememberence garden,(you can't imagine the hassle that was!) which my Mum decided was needed and raise money for, she also every hospital she worked in (3) raised money to get nice cribs, blankets and cameras to take pictures of the deceased babies and the parents, for years she used her own camera which before digital was v expensive.
anyway the end of this story is my mum died on a Sunday, and funeral on the friday at noon, I posted a notice in the paper which I knew wouldn't come out until the same Friday, when we walked in to the Crem there where so many women with Babies, (she died 2 weeks after going sick) the word on the street had got out, I haven't been to a funeral like it, it MADE ME PROUD! people where outside, everyone of them thank US! for what a great Midwife she was and then the ladies who had lost children, I think I might cry now... but Confuddled, My Mum always said there was no greater love than a mothers or fathers. but in my experience it works both ways I miss my Mum and Dad but they have their new babies to look after.

Bogeyface · 05/01/2012 01:59

Made me cry again Missiing

What an amazing woman :) :)

confuddledDOTcom · 06/01/2012 01:02

Don't worry about making people sad, it's sort of nice to read people's stories (IYKWIM?)

Things like what your mum did mean so much when you've lost a baby. My daughter was 11.25oz (320g) about the size of a Barbie but with baby proportions. After she died the MWs took her away and dressed her, they put her in a little moses basket (cleverly disgusing the icepacks) and all the stuff they have is made for them, there are no shops selling that sort of thing, you're not prepared for it and the last thing you want is for your baby to get cold (despite the fact they're lying on icepacks) or to just be left naked like they don't belong to anyone or unloved. You should be very proud of your mum.

I agree, I never realised how much my parents loved me until I became one myself and I never realised how much I loved them (especially my mum).

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