to think that I should say 'no' to putting friends up on their way back from hols?

[ChristinedePizaTinsel]

I should be clear here, she is a very old friend of mine but I think her partner is a total cocklodger. I have come to be vaguely fond of him over the years but he hasn't stayed with me for several years (we live a very long way apart). (sorry this is a bit long but I didn't want to dripfeed)

We had arranged that they would come and stay to break up their journey last night and I asked them to come a day early so we could spend NYE together (I haven't seen her for 6 months plus our DC get along together very well).

In the 36 hours they were here, all her DP did was sit in front of the telly, totally monopolising it. He only left the living room to come and eat, then got up as soon as he'd finished and returned to the telly. When we went to bed on NYE, I glanced into the living room because his laptop was glowing and he said 'don't worry, it's got to stay on because I'm downloading something that's going to take most of the night'. WTAF?? Never asked me. And yesterday morning, I found him watching MOTD that he'd recorded to my HD recorder without asking.

When they were staying here, my friend asked if they could stay on their return journey. Apart from the fact I don't want to give him houseroom, they are coming back from holiday Thursday evening and would arrive at DS's bedtime plus it's going to be really hard for him going to school the next day when theirs doesn't have to go.

BUT cocklodger doesn't drive so it will mean they will have to get a hotel or she'll have a very long drive and I feel a bit mean saying no. Money is not an issue.

AIBU to say sorry, no can do? I've been a bit vague so far (they didn't ask if they could stay on the return journey until they were already here).

Oh, say no.

You don't need the stress.

If it were just her then I would IIWY but with him as well, nope.

I probably wouldn't mind if I were fond of him sassy - you're right there. He is an utter cocklodger and totally sponges off my friend (which she enables) but that is a whole other thread. I just think it's very, very rude to arrive at someone's house and go and install yourself in front of the telly (which wasn't on) for virtually two whole days. As a guest, I think it is incumbent upon you to make polite conversation with your host for at least some of time, not just when you're eating the dinner they've cooked. I am a bit old-fashioned though :o

On balance, with the job and DS's school, I think I will say no. I could bear to cope with the DP for another night but I can't cope with DS being awake until 9pm and being hell on wheels the following morning when I have to drag him to school. It's not fair on him

Just say no its not convnient, and arrange to meet on her own another time.

Oh, I thought it was NYE only.
yeah, don't hae him again.
Does your friend even realised she is being taken for a ride or she likes to be in this situation?
Tell her it is a bad day to have guests around and invite her to go brunch just the two of you and hae fun whitout even talking about him.

It's very very complicated and yes, she does realise but she is also a total control freak so she lets him get away with murder because he cocks stuff up all the time so they are in a horrible downward spiral of her doing everything and him just wafting about (she works FT and does all the cooking and laundry, he doesn't work, their child is at school and they have a cleaner). It makes me want to scream really but I do try not to let that colour my interaction with him although it is very hard.

I would love to just go out for brunch with her but realistically it's not going to happen - if they don't stay here, I expect they'll stay somewhere a bit closer to home

I wouldn't let anyone stay the night before dd went back to school, so you shouldn't really have to say anything else.

If by any chance, they do wind up staying then when he plonks himself down I would say, "oh, if you want to record something could you ask first this time?" and "our bb has limits to the amount we can download so could you please ask first".

I would pack my friend off upstairs for nice long bath and then hoick her dh into kitchen and force him to help while she relaxed.

Say yes, but you are really sorry that, as your New Year's Resolution, you have decided to have a tv and internet free year, so all subscriptions, wifi etc have been cancelled - and you look forward to a fun and enjoyable evening of charades and board games with them!