To overlook DP's bad mood as he is on day two of not smoking?

[Owlelf]

DP has given up smoking. He is on day two. He didn't warn me in advance, and doesn't want to discuss it. That is fine by me, I think he needs to do this on his terms. I am delighted that he is trying and have told him this.

We have a rare few days off work and school altogether. Unfortunately he is really grumpy and has spoken to me in a short way several times. Nothing major, but I have had to say to him that there is no need to be rude several times. He insists he is not snapping or being rude- I am sure you get the picture!

I have never smoked but I am sure this must be tough for him. However I am feeling like he is taking some of the difficulty out on me.

Am I bring unreasonable to cut him some slack and blame it on nicotine withdrawal?

Tough!!!! - It is hell !!! Cut him a mile of slack

It' is unbelieveably hard. and it's no joke that it makes you grumpy. My dh is exactly the same and he hasn't managed it yet despite several attempts over the years. Sadly in my case the grumpiness is usually a sign that it's not really going to work. When i finally gave up after smoking for years I was happy and positive all the way because I had genuinely and honestly realised I didn't want it anymore and didn't want it in my life. The times before I was grumpy and I always went back to it.

However that is just me. Support him, be cheerful and take a deep breath when he snaps. He needs to reward himself with something he wants.

YANBU to cut him some slack!

quitting is a very hard thing to do and the physical discomfort from it alone makes it hard to relax at all!!

Good luck though, he's going to be hellish for about a week

Thank you for the replies. Sounds like I need to take a deep breath and let it go.

It's hard to understand how hard it is when you have never experienced it.

I really wish he would talk to me about how he is feeling. That would make me feel more able to support him- but this is about him, not me. It seems clear that he wants to get on with this in his own terms and not mull it over with me.

YABU... Don't cut him any slack. I can't abide these selfish martyr types that, just because they've given up some terrible habit of their own volition, expect everyone else around them to tip-toe about on eggshells frightened to say anything. He should be able to be civil towards you, whatever he's feeling..... bet he's nice to everyone else.

It seems clear that he wants to get on with this in his own terms and not mull it over with me.

I remember feeling exactly like that. In the end this is something he has to do for himself and he knows he's just got to grit his teeth and get on with it. There won't be a moment in the day when he isn't thinking about smoking.

In same place here. Which is why I'm MN-ing and leaving him to grump alone. I wish both yours and mine success!

cut him slack, when I gave up, my feelings of rage etc were frightening for me to feel. that only lasts for a week or so, after that, he whuold not really feel so physically on edge

Agree, let it go.

I can understand why it would be frustrating that he's not talking to you, but if you do give him slack you will be supporting him more than you know.

why not put a pound in a pot every time you have to bite your tongue and then use the money to treat yourself (and him) when its all over?

You might have enough for a lovely meal out

Oh god, the RAGE. I was awful when giving up.

You are doing the right thing by cutting him some slack! Keep your eye on the prize - better living with a grumpy twat for a few weeks than a DH with lung cancer somewhere down the line.

Keep encouraging him. Cuddles and "mmm you smell NICE now it's not fags!" and bringing him plenty of tea, packets of mints etc. Your angelic ministrations may not be visibly appreciated now but he will be grateful if you help him get through this.

Also recognising how tough it is - not easy to understand if you haven't had to do it yourself.

Another one saying cut him some slack.
I've given up a few times (not succeeded yet though), and I felt murderous grumpy about the most trivial things.
That bit doesn't last long though, so grin and bear it.
Good luck to him.

My DP was like that too when he quit, but it passed after about 2 weeks and now he is fine, and admits he was a bit of an ass when he was quitting, although he didnt at the time!!

Its going to get a lot worse. YOu just have to bear with it, the nicotine withdrawal his body will be suffering is going to make him like a bear with a sore head.

I'd never give up though, it's my only vice.

Cogito normally I would totally agree with you but this situation is a special one I think. The OP's DH is going through withdrawal which is a very difficult process that actually changes the way your brain works. It's possible that he's not even aware how snappy he's being. I agree with the others who say definitely cut him some slack, he is doing a very hard thing and is bound to feel like shit.