Feeling of failure

[Lifehappens]

I am a single FT working mum. I earn a decent salary , work hard and am happy at work. I manage to look after DC without any financial or childcare help from any members of my family or the exH. Admittedly it is hard, but I cope. My exH left us 4 years ago and moved abroad. Around the same time my SIL (brothers wife) willingly left her well paid job to look after her children. My brothers professional career in the meantime has gone from strength to strength and I recently learnt that what he earns in a year I will never earn in my lifetime. I know he deserves it, as he works very very hard, but a small part of me feels a failure in comparision and not as lucky as SIL in terms of the choices she is able to exercise. We all three achieved good professional education though in different fields. My rational mind knows it is unfair to make this comparision but emotionally cant stop feeling so.

Hey... it's okay to feel irrational stuff. Acting on it is the silly bit, but you're not going to do that!
You're wonderful. Don't beat yourself up.

Sorry you are feeling this way.

I don't know if it helps, but my mum stayed home with us, and it is a very mixed blessing - I think she enjoyed bits of it, but in other ways, she missed out on lots of adult friendships and so on. And you say you're happy at your work, which sounds good.

It is rotten when you realize how differently some careers are rewarded, though. Do you think other people like your brother or your family do make comparisons? I would find that upsetting TBH. Or if it's just coming from you, well, maybe there are things your brother and SIL would envy about your life too?

Failure?

OK.....if you say so.

I mean all you do is financially and emotionally support your family on your own in a career you like and are good at. You are teaching your DC a v valuable lesson in self suffiency and the work ethic. You are also teaching them that when life deals you a blow, you can either roll over and give up or roll your sleeves up and get on with it.

Your SIL relies on her DH for money and if the worst happened to her marriage (and I geniunely hope it doesnt) then she will have to start from scratch after a career break. He is working in a high pressured job, it must be otherwise he wouldnt earn that much. He is supporting a family presumably living to a high standard and that is yet another stress. He may not like his job that much but feels that he must stick with it due to his responsibilities.

Failure, my arse

I think you're doing fine too :)

I would personally never, ever depend on someone else for my income so your lifestyle seems much more attractive to me than your SIL's.

i am married, have 2 children...but i still work...because i could not be without my own money.