To be frightened to move and get some lovely cheese and biscuits because psycho cat is on my lap??

[JollyJinglyJoo]

Do I risk it (for a cheese-and-biscuit )?

He is in a huff because he was shut in a wardrobe all night last night (his own stupid fault if you ask me, but I wouldn't say that to his face!!) He has now parked himself on my lap, and last time I tried to move him off he went to bite me (little git- he never breaks the skin, but it gives you a fright!)

Thing is, dad has just come across with the cheeseboard I have been unable to eat due to untold gluttony saving since Christmas, and I really would like to partake. AND my glass of wine needs refilling. But he is flicking his tail in a "you dare to move me, you dare" way, and I could get mauled if I try.

WWYD??

I would get a lion off my knee if there were cheese and biscuits on offer.

Y'big girls blouse

I know

Have tried suggesting that he might like to move. I even tipped my legs, but he looked me straight in the eye and dug his claws into my legs.

Right, feck it- Dad and DH are eating all the cheese!! I'm going for it!!

wrestle him to the floor and make a rolly poly move and be like something off a cop show!

As I'm constantly saying to DH and the DC at the moment - 'you're the human, he's the puppy, you take control'. Obviously insert 'cat' for puppy!!

Stay still, very still, i will eat the cheese and biscuits and drink your wine for you :)

I sidestep this problem by getting them to sit on a cushion on my knee

Hire him out to Weightwatchers?

Grab it by the scruff of the neck and stick it out the back door.
Then enjoy cheese.

Hah! He shredded my tights ever so slightly, and was not impressed, but I did it!

I have placated him with some edam, which he seems to love. All good

What cheese in particular are we talking about OP?

Oooh- we have stilton, brie, edam, "le boursin", mature cheddar, gruyere, and crackers, and fresh bread. Yum. Have eaten my fill now, as has psycho cat! I didn't know he liked cheese. Hopefully it has calmed his outrage at being shut in the wardrobe.

People still use cheeseboards

People don't?

You never disturb a cat sitting on your lap ever.
It's the law.

My cat does this, if i tip him off he waits till i settle back down then makes eye contact and scratches the shit out of the sofa

I would have demanded asked someone to bring me some!

Boursin & gruyere-mmmmm!