to think this is unreasonable??

[PiedWagtail]

A friend has taught her 4yo ds Alex to ask 'please could I borrow that/play with that?' when he wants to borrow a friend's toy. Fine - but what if it's a toy that has just been picked up by his playmate Ben?? Surely Ben is within his rights to say 'I've only just started to play with it and I want to play with it for a while'?

Alex's mum has taught him that whenever he asks a friend 'nicely' for a toy he should expect to be given it, under any circumstances! Alex is a poor sharer himself What do you think???

with any luck the other child will hit him over the head with said toy....perhaps then he will rethink his mothers unwise words.

I think Alex's mum is unreasonable if he's being taught to EXPECT to be given anything, anytime, however nicely he asks.

She needs to be taught that 'no is a complete sentence'

I loathe and abhor over-managed play, so I definitely think YANBU.

I think it's a reasonable thing to teach a child to ask. I'd also wonder if his mum taught him that then he WILL have it or whether he's just understood it that way. When we say to them "XX won't give it to you if you don't ask nicely." We don't necessarily mean that XX has to give it if you do, but often children can take it that way.

At 5yo Dd1 had a friend who went through a stage of saying when at our house "You have to let me have/do etc. because I'm the visitor." Prior to that they'd been brilliant at compromising with discussion.

I could guess that the problem was probablywhen at her house her parents saying "you have to let them have/do because they're the visitor". They may well have only said it once even. I can't imagine that her parents had any idea that she would turn it round and expect whatever she wanted (at times something highly inappropriate) at another house. Actually I'm sure they'd have been horrified.

She grew out of it within a few months and they went back to discussion and compromise, which actually made them both happier.

Alex's mum should be taken to one side and told that while it is important to teach him to ask nicely, she should not forget the importance of waiting his turn and understanding that other people don't have to drop everything on his command.

Otherwise she has simply taught him how to get his own way instantly.

And it could be seen as quite manipulative. Of her. To try to suggest that him asking nicely means gimmee. Right Now.

mine seemd to think that as long as they said "excuse me" the ycould interrupt at any stage in the conversation. this is a bit like this problem. I have told them that sayign excuse me is one thing, the key however is to make sure they wait for a gap before doing so. i would rather hae the quesion or comment made in a gap than have them think saying excuse me is an excuse for butting in wheneve rthey want. so, YANBU for being a bit put out at the suggestion that the mere fact of asking nicely should mean the toy is automatically handed over.

Is it that she's told him he has to give the toy if someone asks nicely and he is expecting th same himself every time?