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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To waste the cinema tickets

51 replies

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 13:40

This morning I booked tickets for puss in boots 3d for me, my dh and ds (4 yr old).

All was fine until we asked ds to get dressed and tidy his toys away. Cue the most massive strop, hitting my dh, kicking, telling us he hated us, finally spending 40 mins trying to get him to sit on the naughty step.

I have now told him he is not going to the cinema. I am so angry with him. And angry with myself for bloody booking them.

So am I being unreasonable to now waste the tickets? I just don't feel I can take him after his behaviour just now.

:-(

OP posts:

tallulahxhunny · 01/01/2012 15:59

Ooh bit too many buts in there

PinkPepper · 01/01/2012 17:08

if you or dh can go they should probably refund the tickets, Odeon do

marmiteandjam · 01/01/2012 18:22

I had the same OP. I had booked bowling costing over £30 for my son, myself and a friend but he was extremely naughty and I cancelled it as a punishment. It was tough as I hated wasting the money but I refused to back down and he learnt a lesson. He was 6 at the time.

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 20:31

He was put on the naughty step for not doing what he was told and throwing toys. The cinema was the result of him hitting and kicking, he was warned if he didn't stop hitting and kicking then we would just not go to the cinema at all. He continued to hit and kick rather than just sit on the naughty step, so we didn't take him to the cinema!

He knows we follow through with threats/ punishments. I have never, ever threatened him with something that I did not truly intend to carry out, and I always make sure I stick to it, as does my DH. The thing that made me question it this time was because of the expense. I did what someone suggested and rang the cinema; I explained what had happened and they did refund m e, so thank you for suggesting that, I had no idea that it was at their discretion to do refunds!

I did stick to what I had said and we didn't go. He behaved much better for the rest of the day, and my DH has told him that if he went to sleep right away tonight (he did) and behaved tomorrow morning, that we could go to the cinema tomorrow afternoon, so he is still getting a chance to "earn" his way back, but he also knows that mummy and daddy still mean what they say will follow you being naughty.

In fact, he was ultra polite and lovely for the rest of the day once he saw we weren't going out! I think I take it hard when he has tantrums because he only has them occasionally, most of the time he is really good natured. Before anyone points this out, I know I am very lucky and some kids throw tantrums all the time, but it doesn't help to know that when you are in the middle of it all and feeling awful!

Thank you for all your replies!

OP posts:

RosemaryandThyme · 01/01/2012 20:37

Tiny point I know but maybe reconsider the naughty step /time-out thing - the more I read on MN the more convinced I am that for savvy children it just does not work.

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 20:50

Because we don't have to use it very often it's difficult to see if it really works at all. I think for him it works in terms of giving him time to calm down, but he has realised (as you point out) that it's a struggle to make him actually sit there. So perhaps you are right, we need to rethink what we do on the occasions where we would have used the naughty step.

OP posts:

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 20:52

Oh forgot to add, he wasn't up late last night! He was just in a mood I think!

OP posts:

festi · 01/01/2012 21:33

i found that the naughty step stopped working for dd around age 4. she doesnt and hasnt really ever done the stamping hitting kicking etc tantrums, however is very very argumentative.

I tend to send her to her room with either - when you are willing to talk come down and we can talk about whats eating at you or why Im not pleased with your behaviour. that works.

or I tend to say I cant listen to you just now so Im going in the other room untill you are calm enough for me to understand what the issue is and I do not want you to come to me untill you are calmer. I then walk away and leave her to either shout it out or compose herself.

This tends to deesculate a potentially explosive situation and dd will normally quickly compose herself and seek me out. I also find that she knows she does have the oppertunity for us to work through it and it is less likely to get a stage where sanctions are being put in place.

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 21:48

That sounds like a really positive idea. I have just told DH and he also likes the sound of that, especially since our DS seems to need time put to calm down, but I am not sure that the naughty step is for him, as I said, he realises it is a struggle for us to get him to stay there, so perhaps that approach will be better.

I am hoping he goes back to his normal nice self and I won't have to try it out for a couple of weeks!!!

Thanks, I really appreciate the idea :-)

OP posts:

Mrsrobertduvall · 01/01/2012 21:51

Well done for carrying through your punishment.
When I was 6 i kicked off at my birthday party (which was at home) and I was sent to bed.
I can remember watching everyone being piled into the car to be taken to the local park ....while I watched in my nightie from my window.

Winkly · 01/01/2012 21:52

OP - well done for being consistent. That will hold you in good stead in the future. Hope your son is more 'himself' again tomorrow. Apparently Puss In Boots is excellent, enjoy.

happynew2012 · 01/01/2012 21:52

Glad you had a good day after all!

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 21:58

Thanks all! Funny how I know I did the right thing, yet I have just been up to check on him and he looks so angelic and I feel bad about punishing him! They know how to push our buttons for sure!

I am very pleased I stuck to what I said I would do, I would be at my wits end if he did this all the time!

mrs I actually really like that you remember that, I hope my DS remembers this and thinks about it the next time he thinks about throwing a strop. Definitely trying the time out come and talk to me when you are calm thing though rather than the step!

OP posts:

Mrsrobertduvall · 01/01/2012 22:01

Yes, 45 years on I can still remember......
I told my dcs that story too, and they know I mean any threat

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 01/01/2012 22:05

Love it maybe that will be my DS in 25 years! Funny thought!

OP posts:

festi · 01/01/2012 22:07

It does really work for dd. Yesterday she had a pile of toys clothes etc on the stairs that I had gather up from around the downstairs whislt tidying up and asked her to come help me sort them and she can take them and put them away in there right places in her room.

When I came to help her she was already sorting them but potting different bits of games in wrong boxes etc, so I told her to slow down and ill sjhow her the best way to get it sorted she was unbelivably cheecky so I warned her if she continues they would be going in a bin liner and as sent her to her room untill she was willing to come and get this done together and if we didnt manage it they would be going in the garage untill the bin men come on friday.

she went upstairs screaming and shouting after 10 mins she was looking at a book and came down after a further 15 mins and we got it done. In the time it took her to calm down I got on with something else and did not have a screaming child under my feet getting on my wick gave us both the space we needed untill we could get it done.

I also knew once she had thought about her toys getting binned she would swiftly change her attitude and It would not really come to that.

ballstoit · 01/01/2012 22:08

Definitely find that walking away and telling them I'll talk when they're calm works with all my DC (6, 4 and 2). In general I think they find that a tantrum with no audience is not really worth having, the trouble with the naughty step is that it guarantees the child an audience if they refuse to stay put.

I will also do it when we're out and about by standing a few metres away and appearing to pay attention to something else.

festi · 01/01/2012 22:09

came down after a further 5 mins not 15mins

ballstoit · 01/01/2012 22:09

And I think you definitely did the right thing...and I'm glad you got your money back

ComposHat · 02/01/2012 02:05

OP, In the end I think you struck the balance really well and that hopefully he understands that his actions have consequences.

However I can't see the value of exhausting yourself in trying to get an agitated and aggressive child onto a step and then force a meaningless apology from them. It must be like forcing water up a hill and gives them ample opportunity to play up.

Obviously hitting children is wrong and I would never do it myself, but I can't imagine even thinking about trying to punch or kick my parents at that (or any other) age: my mum would have tanned my arse black and blue.

TroublesomeEx · 02/01/2012 07:04

I know this is a bit after the fact now, but...

It's nonsense that he's only 4 and he won't learn.

He will.

If you have said that you won't take him, you must stick by it.

FWIW, when DS was little, in your shoes, I wouldn't have said he couldn't go to the cinema because of the cost and the fact we'd have all enjoyed it. But I would have said he couldn't have popcorn or whatever.

In fact I still do it now. I don't tell the children we won't go to X because "I'm not going to allow you to spoil it for everyone else" but I do say "however, you won't be able to have X when we're there". If that makes sense.

Original poster

ILoveSanta · 02/01/2012 09:13

Compos we don't smack him, so it was a nightmare trying to get him onto that step, but I am going to try leaving him by himself to calm down next time rather than trying the step. He is usually a very sweet boy, so we don't have to use sanctions very often! Not even sure where the kicking and hitting has come from, but I get a feeling that it is just because he is frustrated and doesn't know how to articulate his feelings.

Folk thanks for sharing. After I said it, I wished I hadn't, but it was too late to take it back so I had to follow through! Thankfully we got our refund so if he is good this morning we will go this afternoon - and he has been an angel so far!

OP posts:

birdsofshoreandsea · 02/01/2012 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnexpectedOrangeInMyStocking · 02/01/2012 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randommoment · 02/01/2012 09:54

So pleased you got a refund OP - hope you all enjoy it when you do make it to the cinema.

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