To be terrified of having this baby?

[NoobyNoob]

I'm being induced on Wednesday and I'm utterly terrified.

I'm scard of the contractions and labour, the pain and the feeling afterwards that everything aches and hurts. I'm frightend that I'll have PND again and hate every minute of the newborn days, that I won't love her as much as I do my son. I'm scared that I'll get so far and something will happen to her, what if she's really poorly?

How on earth does it all work? I feel so stressed about it all that all I do is cry.

Sorry, I know I should post on the pregnancy boards, and I don't know why I haven't to be honest. Sorry if this post offends, I need a fuckign massive kick up my fat, pregnant ass.

You poor thing. How was your first labour? Do you have a particular reason to think there will be problems?
Wednesday is a couple of days away, things could start naturally.
Have you spoken to your MW about how you feel?

OK.

Deep breath!

Do you have all your contingencies in place? Birth plan? PND recognition plan? Are all your lists made?

It sounds like you don't feel in control and it is scaring you. What can you do to minimize that and how can we / I help?

You don't have to be sorry, and you don't need a kick up the ass.

I think these fears are quite common when it comes to second children. How was your last labour? I'm getting the image that something played on your mind a lot afterwards. Did you get help for the PND? Were you induced last time?

As for the pains; Oooh, I hated labour... DS was back to back until 3 hours before delivery, and I ended up begging for a CS, despite my chronic fear of operations (he was delivered vaginally in the end, with just gas and air) but despite all the pain at the time, it seems insignificant now.

Do you have a supportive family around you, OP?

Ditto what Topaz said about having everything in order, but don't feel like the birthing plan is gospel. Just focus on what's best for you, and remember your birthing plans are fluid.

My first labour was OK, I was induced than as I had a condition called Obstetric Cholestasis, which I have this time round. It increases the chances of stillbirth and PPH - which I had last time round, too.

I've made no birth plan, no plans of anything. It's been such a shit last few months. I've had to go in for twice weekly monitoring and blood tests, it's just taken it right out of me and I feel like I haven't got the energy to deal with it anymore.

I worry constantly if I haven't felt her move, it's driving me insane. I've heard some horrible stories with women who have had OC that their babies didn't make it, and I've now convinced myself that it's going to happen to me, especially as I had a cigarette yesterday morning I now think I've just put the icing on the cake.

We're struggling with childcare for DS, so if I go into labour we're having to reply on my best mate to come over at any point, and she works so I'm worrying about that. I don't even know what on earth to put in my hospital bag which is half packed and has been shoved under the bed.

To be honest you sound very prepared for PND which in itself may stop it happening. I was paranoid I'd get it (had depression in the past) and out of a few friends who hadn't given it a second thought, I managed to avoid it entirely. You are aware which is the main thing IMO.
Try to relax and take each out at a time. Good luck.

Have talked to anyone at length about how you are feeling?

It is scary - all your fears are real and rational perhaps having a talk through them and a good cry would help?

On a practical note my inductions were all okay. Are you further on this time rather than last time?

I've spoken to DH a lot about it, but I feel like a broken old record. He's been very supportive though throughout the whole lot and I've acted like a moody cow.

I was further along last time, I'll be spot on 37 weeks on Wednesday, whereas with Jack I was 39 weeks. We have no family here apart from my Dad who's 30 minutes away and is disabled. My brother isn't interested, which is fair enough I suppose. He has a good career and is more interested in drinking and playing his PS3 than helping out with childcare.

One good thing is that my lovely MIL is arriving from France on Saturday for a few weeks to help me, and I can't wait to have a huge hug from her.

Thanks for the replies by the way. It's actually just helping writing it all down.

It might seem silly but have you considered listening to a relaxation cd? Or even a hypnobirthing CD? You can probably listen to something on YouTube. Just stopping and lying down and focusing on relaxing might help. I find it a real struggle to relax sometimes but my CD does help. Quite often it puts me to sleep which is just as good! Best of luck - there's every chance things will go smoothly.

Can you and your dh finish packing your bag together, packing it may be hard because it means that you have to accept it is about to happen, but it also may feel something completed and sorted once you've done it.

If you are concerned about not feeling the baby move much just go the hospital and ask for monitoring, in fact I'd take my bag and refuse to move until the baby is out. But I'm stroppy like that!!

If you are seeing a MW before Wed I'd tell them exactly how you are feeling. It was only with my 4th and final birth that I accepted I'd go massively overdue, I'd have to be induced, wouldn't get my homebirth, would have a huge baby, I had lots of fears over stillbirth too and it was a wonderful wonderful birth in the end because I think I just somehow accepted it. I was far more worried about having another baby that screamed constantly and didn't sleep...

Firstly, you have already given birth once, so induction is likely to be a lot easier and quicker this time because your body knows what to do. My first induction was awful, and I was terrified when I had to be induced the second time, but it worked a lot faster.

Secondly, PND sucks, obviously. But awareness is the key, and you have that. If you are aware of the signs - and you make those around you aware too, so they can look out for you - you will be able to get help quickly before going downhill too much. Be honest with yourself and do not be ashamed if you aren't enjoying the exhausting newborn phase. Ask for help sooner rather than later if you feel the baby blues aren't lifting.

Best of luck :)

I also told the MW straight off that I was worried. I was going through a lot in my personal life while pg and was fairly positive I would suffer post birth. Knowing everyone was looking out for me was great. Keep a network of trusted friends around you who you can break up the days with after birth and make sure you don't try to be Supermum. A lot of the stress I felt in pg I put on myself and my hormones were a mess which really didn't help with perspective.
Glad writing it down helps :-)

I was induced second time around. It was actually not too bad. Labour WAS more intense as the contractions didn't build up over the same amount of time and when they broke my waters it suddenly hit too.

BUT the experience was not to bad - yes it hurt and yes I was mooing with each push and made A LOT of noise but baby was born fine.

Can't help with PND as never had it but am guessing if you have had it once maybe you know what to expect and hwo to deal with it? Sorry if it is not that simple, I honestly don't know!.

I am being induced tomorrow and a little scared of the newborn phase, but that is not =my favourite phase of kids anyway!

Good luck

Good luck, I remember being terrified too x

While I think it is completely normal to be terrified, you have a lot on your plate and you are clearly stressed, which is bound to intensify you fears and anxiety.

I really hope it goes well for you this time x

well you have lots to worry about so of course you are stressed!

but you were induced before and it worked ok, so the chances are it will be fine this time as well. if you are worried about the baby in the meantime get the midwife to do a check with the doppler, i am sure they will come and do that no problems at all.

re pnd you are are aware that you may suffer and that will help, make sure your dh is aware of the signs and talk to your midwife and then HV so they know to keep an extra eye out, being proactive will help, then even if you do get it (which you may not) you can catch it early and get help.

i was induced with all 5 of mine! it was fine, but i was incredibly anxious each time and i didnt have the added worries you have!

be kind to yourself, try and rest these last few days.

re your hospital bad, what does it have in it? let us know and we can fill in the blanks!

good luck :)

I just wanted to say about the PND. Do talk to your HV if you need to. I recently got a short phone course of CBT therapy and it has really really helped.

Be kind to yourself

DS 1: arrived naturally at 36 weeks. Straightforward labour although he was posterior. BF was ghastly and pnd kicked in afterwards. Felt dreadful for weeks and weeks after the birth.

DD: Induced at 41.5 weeks. 2.5 hour labour - all very straightforward. Flew out pink, healthy and screaming very loudly. All that after a high risk pg and many many scares. You can insist on an epidural before they put the syntocynon up you know - takes away all the pain and in my opinion well worth. I did and the induced labour was only 2.5 hours.

DD arrived 51 weeks after the birth of ds2 at 27 weeks.

PND was anticipated, a very high risk birth was anticipated, I didn't believe I would get a live baby at the end of it.

All is very likely to be well OP - you are going through a horrendous time but in 48 hours you are likely to have a perfect, warm, new born smelling little human being in your arms and to feel on top of the world. Any even if the pnd does kick in everyone will be there for you to help you deal with it and to help you get early treatment.

And as for not having enough love for two children - you don't just get a baby the second or third time around you get a great big dollop of extra love as well and the utter miracle is looking at how your first born has grown so big and strong and all because you helped him or her.

Good luck OP - I shall think of you on Wednesday. Post when it has all happened to let us know how you are getting along.

I was terrified second time around too after a horrific 30 hr labour with DS, which culminated in forceps and a resulting prolapse. Everyone kept telling me it would be easier second time around but I sincerely doubted it, I was convinced my body just wasn't meant to labour and give birth. DD was born 6 weeks ago, after an enjoyable, 8 hr labour, yep, I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't nearly as painful as I'd remembered (despite DD being back to back) and my second stage lasted a whole 2 mins, she shot out with 2 pushes. Good luck, I really hope you have a good experience.

Nooby just wanted to say that I was induced 2 weeks ago for post dates, I had a complete meltdown before hand it's my 3rd baby and had been planning a homebirth and having been induced with my first was terrified, had a normal delivery with 2nd baby. 2 days before I contacted the supervisor of midwives and told her how stressed I was about the whole thing, she allocated me my own Mw who I met the day before which really helped with the anxiety. I had the syntoncin for about 4 hours/2 hours of contractions with hypnobirthing but found it too exhausting so opted for an epidural which was heaven. Dd was born after 2 more hours in the easiest of all my babies, no tears no pain, no stress it was so lovely. They did say I could have my epidural at the same time syntoncin went up if I wanted and if I hadn't been so keen to try the hypnobirthing then I would have had it done.

I am sitting here snuggling my new dd and can tell you it was worth every bit of stress. Try and keep chilled it will be fine, it's completely normal to be so anxious it's such a huge thing but you will be fine. I have none of the feelings I had after my first birth haven't even had so much as dose of the baby blues and I feel so positive about how her birth went I'd almost do it again if you could promise me I wouldn't be so overdue again

Snakes that's a lovely story, I'm so pleased it went OK for you. Thanks again everyone.

I will ofcourse come back when it's all over and let you know how I got on x

i hope you do well op dont bottle everything up and hope family and friends are there for you.

Good luck :-)

I was induced with DS - pre-existing diabetes plus 7 previous abdo surgeries meant it was a high risk preg and very high risk birth. I tormented myself in the week before hand that DS would die, shoulder dyscotia, and that I wouldn't bond. I was terrified all pregnancy, tho for very different reasons than you.

Induced on The Monday at 38 weeks, had 36 hours of contractions before EMCS - and even though it was the most complex, medical birth ever with many traumas (1.5 litre blood loss, BP crashed to 56/34 with epidural) I have nothing but very very fond memories of it all (bar the bit here I was unconscious!)

My point is - when he arrived it was like a massive breathing out, all those fears vanished and it was suddenly all ok.

I really really hope the same happens for you, an youve had some fantastic advice here.

All the best! Looking forward toyour happy announcement xxx