To not be able to celebrate tonight and let myself go since mum died in june

[forgetmenot7]

My Mum died in June after a stroke and a month of heartache till she passed away.I have let myself go and have no incentive for anything. I cant stop crying tonight which is awful. When will it stop ?

Also going through bereavement an family illness at the mo - be kind to yourself, and tears WILL stop - grieving never just 'gets fixed' but does get easier. Many happy thoughs and a hug xxxx

i found the hole analogy wonderful - it's how i feel about losses earlier in my life and when i read it it was the most sensible and sensitive thing i'd read in all the daft textbooks and articles i'd read.

i also like the dual processing theory whereby instead of telling clients they must grieve and let it all out right now or they'll get stuck or they must get on with life and be busy or they'll get stuck you acknowledge the reality that we dip in and out between the two. sometimes we can near forget about it, go about what needs doing and need to be busy and distracted and one mustn't feel guilty for that! it's natural. and sometimes the grieving will need to come first, it will come upon us and we need to go into it and with it a while and mustn't feel guilty for that either.

it ebbs and flows as it will and i personally believe there is little point in fighting that. when you can be busy and forget do so, when you get hit by a wave of grief and need to lay down and cry do so. let it be.

My mum died when I was young; my dad died quite recently. Personally I don't hold with all that "the first year is the hardest" business - in my experience the pain never goes away. You get used to it with time but it never gets easy. My condolences to the OP. Don't force yourself to enjoy yourself if you don't want to.

Just wanted to say sorry to everyone who has suffered a loss

What some very sad stories on this thread,i can see im not alone but at times it feels like it.I wanted to be alone last night and dh respected that and went to a party.Sometimes i dont always want to be cuddled etc when i am upset.Now in the next 4 or 5 weeks my sister and i have to face birthdays without a card from mum,all these firsts are coming so close together,its a bit overwhelming.

I could have written your post. I lost my mum just before Mother's Day and my dad 20 years ago. I have barely been holding it together. People can be so insensitive. I was in the building society opening an account to deal with her estate. The girl opening it noticed by birthday was in a few days and asked if I was looking forward to it.
New Year is never really celebrated in our house anyway which is probably just as well.
I hope things get better for everyone sufferring. x

My darling mother died just before Christmas 22 years ago. It was horrible, not a good death. I spent a year crying and useless, but it gradually became less immediate, although I can still have a good cry about it even now if I dwell on it and I am a bit pissed. It will pass though, you will not forget but it becomes manageable. I send you my best wishes and condolences and hang on in there darling x

Just to add a counsellor from CRUSE helped me enormously, defo recommend.

counselling is for what they call 'abnormal' grief. to grieve is totally natural - rage, depression, detachment etc etc etc are all within the normal range of grief.

cruse will usually not see you within a year of a bereavement in respect of this fact.

Hang in there, it doesn't stop hurting but you will learn to deal with it. This was the third Christmas without my mum, she died in October 2009 aged 55 after a short illness and a horrible death. It was so unfair, she had so much to live for.

This year we all managed to enjoy Christmas and New Year a little bit, although having two young children helps. You do it all for them and their happiness and excitement really is infectious. And my mum would be furious if she knew we were "moping over her". She always tried to get the best out of every day and wanted us to do the same. We try, but it can be so hard some days.

You will be ok. Just take it one day at a time.

:(

i found the first few years quite hard, i thought i'd been normal but i did alot of things that were out of character. was awful

of course it gets easier as you get used to your mum not being there but i think the missing her part gets harder :(

It's my girls Nativity plays that get me more than Christmas/New Year. All those other Grandmas smiling and taking hundreds of photos. She was such a proud Grandma, she would have loved it.

And the first day at school for DD2. She would have been bursting to come and pick her up with me. And wanted to buy all her uniform! It's just not fair.

It's silly how it can effect you. I can't watch tge part of 'Gavin and Stacy' when Stacey and her uncle are in tge car on tge way to her wedding and he reads out a letter from her father. I now make an excuse to leave tge room if that one comes on.

LovesbloominChristmas - that bit gets me every time too. It's so beautifully done.

So sorry. I lost both my parents last year so am totally with you.

I think when I realised things would never be the same again and had to adjust to how they are now it began to be a bit better. It is not easy though.

hackmum totally that's the problem!

careergirl how on earth ddid you cope with losing both parents in the same year ? that must of been terrible for you.I feel bad enough losing my mum.Hope your life is now on an upward turn.