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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put a stop to DPs "weekends" in the new year?

50 replies

MardyGra · 31/12/2011 14:10

As we don't live together we got into this habit of seeing each other once a fortnight where either he stays at my house or I stay at his saturday to sunday. He now refers to these weekends as HIS weekends with me which was ok at first but now I'm finding it a little restrictive and irritating. It's everytime my children go to their father's house, it's "his" weekend. So when do I get time for my friends etc or even a bit of time to myself? Yes I could ask my mum to babysit on the alternate weekend but what if she says no? what if my kids don't want to spend EVERY weekend out at someone elses house? I feel my time without the kids is being totally monopolised by DP. We're going out tonight for NYE so I said to him last night this will be the last weekend out for me for a while as I'm trying to save money for the kids brthdays, a weekend away (with friends as he and I never go anywhere, sore point) and my holiday in august (again with a friend) so he was like "well we do need some nights out, on our weekends". I said I don't know if I can afford it every fortnight because sometimes I might want to go out with friends or whatever and I feel I can't do that. I also said he's free to go out with his friends whenever he wants so he said "yeah I'll go out with them when it's not our weekend." ?? ffs how bloody regimental over the weekends. I hate every weekend being set out for me like this, it's doing my head in. So he added "We don't always have to go out on our weekends, one weekend you can stay at mine and we'll stay in and get a takeaway and the next weekend the kids are at their dads I'll come to your house and we can go out". Again - every weekend planned out for me. AIBU to want to free up my weekends so I can do what I want and see who I want etc? It's not a long distance relationship, he only lives 10 minutes away and my kids are old enough to leave for a few hours (just not all night) so what's wrong with us going to cinema for orange wednesday or popping to the local on a friday night? nothing he says - but he still wants OUR WEEKENDS to remain as they are.

AIBU?? I know you'll probably all say if I liked him enough I'd want to spend every other weekend with him but christ, is every relationship so unflexible?

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:02

Rest of the week he comes home from work and "catches up" with housework and his recorded tv-programs. When it's not "Our" weekend he works saturday, watches tv and tidies up on the evening and goes to car boot sales with his parents sundays.

OP posts:
igginezerscrooge · 31/12/2011 16:03

I think it is insulting to your children that he has no interest in them and wants basically to pretend you are childless by only seeing you when they are away. Find a man who wants the whole package, I think.
Of course rather than dumping him you could make it clear exactly what you want to change and see if he would be up for it?

igginezerscrooge · 31/12/2011 16:03

I think it is insulting to your children that he has no interest in them and wants basically to pretend you are childless by only seeing you when they are away. Find a man who wants the whole package, I think.
Of course rather than dumping him you could make it clear exactly what you want to change and see if he would be up for it?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 31/12/2011 16:03

< dies inside (for you) >

Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:03

I keep trying to encourage him to go out with his friends but he won't unless I go with him!! last time it was "Our weekend" I went with his to meet his mate and spent the night with the two of them. How awkward. Don't know why he can't just go out and have fun without me and see me at other times.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 31/12/2011 16:04

I hate to say this, but you and him are not partners in the sense of a relationship. You are his booty call, or his regular sleeping partner, and nothing more. :(

You deserve better! Get rid. :)

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 31/12/2011 16:04

do you have sucker marks after you have seen him ?

SingleSoloShattersSparklyStars · 31/12/2011 16:05

Is he an oap?

Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:05

Not sure what you mean by that AF? (waits nervously) lol

OP posts:
BloodyWedding · 31/12/2011 16:06

is this the man that always wants to pick you up on your nights out with friends? Or am i getting mixed up??

Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:06

SingleSolo - I always say he acts like an OAP!

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:06

No he isn't bothered about picking me up, just as long as he can still come when I get back, no matter what time it is.

OP posts:
anonacfr · 31/12/2011 16:10

Creepy!
The more you post about him the worse he sounds.

Why the hell would he want to show up at 2 in the morning if you've been out with friends? How weird and controlling.

The fact that he wants you all to himself on certain days but doesn't even call you the rest of the time says it all really.
You're not his girlfriend, you're his fortnight shag.

anonacfr · 31/12/2011 16:11

By the way how did you ever meet him?????

OTheHugeManatee · 31/12/2011 16:13

He sounds like a bit of a weirdo Confused

Original poster
MardyGra · 31/12/2011 16:16

Online anon Sad

He texts me almost every day - but never, ever calls me.

OP posts:
goldbow · 31/12/2011 16:16

Why are you with him? Pretends you don't have DCs, dictates weekends, doesn't take you anywhere.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 31/12/2011 16:20

don't be nervous, mardy Xmas Smile

sucker marks, like from a leech/parasite/insert other spineless bloodsucking creature of your choice

thepeoplesprincess · 31/12/2011 16:21

If you're finding it a drag that your alleged partner wants to see you for two days in every fourteen, then the relationship clearly isn't doing it for you.

Do both of you a favour and break it off.

SingleSoloShattersSparklyStars · 31/12/2011 16:26

You may as well be single Mardy My ex was similar in some ways...better off without them.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/12/2011 16:40

The more you say about him, the more it sounds as if he's unable to make friends or find anything fun to do on his own, so he's latched onto you and is being clingy because he's hoping he can get social interaction through you without having to put the work into it for himself. It sounds like he's just very bored on his own and wants you to be there on demand for when he needs company.

Is there anything you're getting out of this? You are so obviously worth much more.

NewYearFestiveCheer · 31/12/2011 16:45

Are you sure he doesn't already have a gf/dw? Sounds a bit weird to me.

Meglet · 31/12/2011 16:56

Car boot sales with his parents! Unless they're antique dealers it all sounds a bit sad.

He doesn't sound like much of a bf really. I'm in the 'get rid' camp. Spend some time on your own for a bit and see your mates.

JustHecate · 31/12/2011 17:01

I don't think that - as a parent - I could imagine building a relationship with someone who had this wall he'd put up. On one side of it - him. On the other side - my children.

Far better to find someone who understands that there is no him time and children time, but that a life with you means a life with your children too.

It's like he wishes your children just weren't there.

Casmama · 31/12/2011 17:08

Imagine you have finished this relationship - does that feel like a relief?

Yes Kat - it's actually a very relaxing thought

That says it all - this "relationship" has run its course. It is not meeting your needs and spending 2 days a fortnight with him feels restrictive. You are not that into him and need to get rid.

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