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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH kicked off because I didn't obey his orders

27 replies

MouldyPlum · 30/12/2011 21:42

That's how it seems to me anyway. We're out doing some shopping earlier and I spot a lovely Christmas tree knocked down in price from £70 to £24. I tell DH I think we should buy it for next year and he says "No, it will come down it price more than that after new year." so I say "I don't think it will, I'm going to buy it now" so he mutters to himself "why bloody ask then, nobody cares what I think, do what you want" this is untrue as I'll point out later in the thread he gets to make 95% of decisions!
So anyway we get home with this tree and he immediately says "I'll put it in the loft later on" so I say "I think we should open it first and make sure it's all ok (reason being it said "ex display" on the box which I didn't realise until after we'd bought it and by the time we do open it next December it will be too late to do anything about it if things are missing/broken). So he says "no we're not opening it, I'll put it away later". This gets my back up straight away "we're not opening it" are we not? who the fuck made him in charge of everything??? if he'd said "I'm not opening it but if you want to, fair enough" that would have been ok but "we're not opening it"??? I didn't react at first but sat there thinking about things and he does this all the bloody time. Going around shops he'll say stuff like "we're not buying those this week" or when booking a holiday "no we're not going there". Christmas "no we're not buying those for Christmas" etc etc. He really, really believes he is in charge and I just thought why the fuck am I obeying orders like this??? so I said "ok well if you don't want to help that's fine but I'm opening it and making sure it's ok". Well he went absolutely nuts and started screaming and shouting at me about how childish I am, How I deliberately go against everything he says, how I deliberately try and cause arguments, how I'm always after causing trouble and winding him up etc etc. He was really, really livid.
AIBU to think he's actually a bit of a fucking nob and at this moment in time I wish he'd fuck off to play with the reindeer until next December???

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 30/12/2011 21:44

you sound as childish as each other to be honest...

SuePurblybilt · 30/12/2011 21:44

Honestly, what is the actual point of half the men I've read about on MN this week?

I think he does sound like a knob, yes.

coraltoes · 30/12/2011 21:45

Why oh why do people stick to such clearly fucked up power struggle relationships?!

thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 21:45

Why ask his opinion if you don't actually want it?

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/12/2011 21:47

I don't think that's very fair, squeakytoy. The OP hasn't done anything childish from what she has said.

OP, YANBU, he sounds a controlling twat

PenguinArmy · 30/12/2011 21:47

ignore squeaky How is you being childish if you have a rational reason for doing. (Although you should have said you were doing it, not asked).

Would be better off posting in relationships though? Depends whether it's a one off or he's always such a controlling knob.

wannaBe · 30/12/2011 21:49

I think you both need to grow up.

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 30/12/2011 21:49

Err yes YANBU. Just open the bloody thing. What's the problem with that?

rhondajean · 30/12/2011 21:50

This time of year really does bring all the arseholes out in force!!

I'm with you OP YANBU.

champagnevanity · 30/12/2011 21:53

My mum and dad argue a bit like that, i mean the 'Why ask then?' bit, i think that comes with being married many years with some couples, so that is fairly normal,

However.. the shouting and going livid bit is totally out of order and yes he is a knob.

snuffaluffagus · 30/12/2011 21:54

Was the tree ok?

Sounds like an odd reaction from him.. you need to sit down and have a chat.

SiamoNellaMerda · 30/12/2011 21:56

And his redeeming qualities are...............?

solidgoldbrass · 30/12/2011 21:57

He is a knob. He is not your boss or your owner. There is no reason for him to object to you checking over your purchase to see if it's OK.
The only possible explanation for his behaviour other than him being a knob who thinks that you are a'woman' ie something somewhere between domestic pet and domestic appliance which must be trained to complete obedience would be if your household is on a very, very tight budget and you have form for overspending on stuff that isn't really necessary.

fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 21:58

YANBU

He sounds like a right control freak.

Well done you for taking him to task over it I say.

And, yes, how's the tree?

Sookeh · 30/12/2011 22:01

Can't believe some of the responses here

He sounds ridiculous and controlling. I couldn't tolerate that at all.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/12/2011 22:01

Those of you that say the OP is being childish or needs to grow up, why??

BlueFergie · 30/12/2011 22:04

Would this be a normal reaction if you went against on of his unilateral pronouncements? Because if so then he clearly is a knob. Howev my DH has been known to mutter something to the effectof "why ask then" but this is brcause I do make most of the purchasing decisions as I do all the budgeting. I can envisage a scenario where I ask his opinion, ignore it and that would put him in a bad enough mood to be belligerent about anything to do with th Christmas tree after that. Although he would be far more likely to say "do what you like I'm not doing it though you insisted on buying th bloody thing"

Hairynigel · 30/12/2011 22:04

Yanbu op!

spiderpig8 · 30/12/2011 22:05

Well you made the decision to go against him and buy the tree, so I'm not sure why everyone is saying he is controlling.
I would expect him to be able to say if he doesn't want to go on holiday to a certain place, and be able to have a say in how the household funds is spent

floweryblue · 30/12/2011 22:13

Don't we all have mild power struggles in our relationships? I am sick to death of being dictated to by DP about how I should go about my share of the household chores. I don't tell him what he should do or how he should do things. He tries to tell me, he will not get a clean sock until he agrees with me.

nooka · 30/12/2011 22:19

It sounded to me like a normal sort of stroppy post Christmas irritation until you got to the shouting and screaming. No one should get livid about such a small and inconsequential thing. If this is not very very out of character then I think there is something quite seriously wrong with your relationship/your dh.

It is controlling to always use the term 'we' when you are expressing your own opinion.

Pishtushette · 30/12/2011 22:19

Some people (men and women) like to be in control of everything and can't handle it when people have their own minds.

Seona1973 · 30/12/2011 22:23

I'm glad I opened the tree that I bought to use next year (from homebase) as one of the clip in branches was broken. I then returned it and found that the second one was faulty too (got a refund in the end). If we had left it till next xmas before checking it then we wouldnt have had a leg to stand on and would have been out of pocket

fuzzynavel · 30/12/2011 22:36

Well done Seona, mind you there probably is a hidden meaning in the price there! the trees have been battered to hell

rogersmellyonthetelly · 30/12/2011 22:47

Please point out to him that If he didn't give you orders, you wouldn't have to disobey them so it's his fault. Seriously, my dh gets like this from time to time and I pull him up about it straight away, basically we have an agreement, he doesn't order me around and in return I don't tell him to fuck off I'll do what I like thanks. He needs to respect that you are his equal in the relationship and if he wants to veto something that you want or would like to do he needs to have a reason and explain it to you, that's how a partnership works.

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