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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being called lazy when I'm actually ill?

11 replies

PainSnail · 30/12/2011 21:37

This is my first proper thread and its just a bit of a whinge really, but I don't have anywhere else to do it...

I've been unwell for most of my life (in a quick nutshell, diagnosed with epilepsy as a child, reacted v. badly to the differant medications, spent a lot of time in hospitals, its getting progressively worse with age) but this year has been especially bad. I've been in and out of hospital most of the year with a mystery illness that unfortunately looks like its here to stay. I'm permanently exhausted, all my muscles ache and as a result the seizures are getting worse. Hospital reckons it's probably some sort of post viral fatigue thing, mixed with epilepsy drugs - which aren't pleasent at the best of time!

The worst bit however, has been other people's comments. There always seems to be someone calling me lazy, most noteably my charming boyfriend, because I tire easily and there are some things I can't do particularly quickly anymore (that makes me sound like an OAP, I'm only in my mid 20's) and its starting to really make me feel very down about myself Sad

I don't know if I need reassurance or advice (or both), but thank you in advance for letting me complain, I'm not allowed to in real life.

OP posts:
Kormachameleon · 30/12/2011 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyDevine · 30/12/2011 21:41

Moan away, its bang out of order if you are suffering as you say you are, which I don't doubt for a second. Can you ditch the boyfriend?!? I think you should!

I do sympathise. I haven't suffered as ill health as you but I got what was probably Swine flu last Xmas, and it resulted in flu complications which turned into pneumonia and pleurisy. Husband was fine. Sister in law said "you don't look like you have flu" etc etc and banged on and on and it was just ridiculous. So sort of see where you are coming from but it sounds like you have had a mega rough trot!

Get well soon.

MixedBerries · 30/12/2011 21:47

YANBU. That's the curse of having, what's now called, a hidden disability and it's awful and it's unfair. I sympathise greatly and can only hope you get well soon.

goldbow · 30/12/2011 21:50

Ditch the knobhead boyfriend and look after yourself.

Original poster
PainSnail · 30/12/2011 21:50

Have to say it is making me have second thoughts about the boyfriend...

Thank you for the kind words. Hopefully 2012 will be the year of minimal hospital appointments!

(and swine flu is the WORST. I totally sympathise with you on that one)

OP posts:
EllenandBump · 30/12/2011 21:55

Poor you, i really do feel sorry for you. No one should comment on something they have no real knowledge of and especially not in such a negative way. I would ditch the boyfriend cos he will not help your self esteem. Have you been checked for vitami deficencies, although as a fellow epileptic i know how exhausting having fits are. x

iscream · 31/12/2011 03:45

Yanbu.

BastedTurkey · 31/12/2011 03:52

Yy ditch him. You don't need an arsehole like that

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 31/12/2011 03:55

I'm sorry to hear you have had such a terrible year.

I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but the boyfriend needs kicking to the kerb! He should be looking out for you and defending you against another other idiot that says that kind of thing, not saying it himself.

Unfortunately, you are not going to suddenly get over this and although 2012 will hopefully be better than 2011 - you are going to have your rough days/weeks/months/years over your lifetime and you need someone beside you who is going to be there for you and be on your side during those times - he has clearly shown he doesn't have it in him. No one who really loved you could say that about you after the year you have had.

I had a liver problem years ago with post viral fatigue thing - I had a couple of years of being really unwell and ever since then I haven't had the same energy levels as before, no matter what I do/eat/take/exercise etc It is now 'undiagnosed' as I simply do not have the energy or inclination for more prodding & poking and repeated blood tests. I live with it and I know at times some people think I'm lazy, but to be honest I don't care anymore but I would not be in a relationship with someone who thought I was merely 'lazy', I expect much more out of my partner than that and I hope you do too.

Here's to 2012 being a much better year for you!! Wine (You have all day today to ditch the dead wood in time for a bright start to the New Year!!)

TroublesomeEx · 31/12/2011 06:27

Get rid of your boyfriend.

Good luck for the future. x

MakesXmasCakesWhenStressed · 31/12/2011 07:04

Just a quick question - how long have you been with the boyfriend? I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 8 years and early on in my realtionship with my now DH there were some... misunderstandings when it was implied that perhaps I could snap out of it if only I tried harder. However, that was within the first six months and as he got to know me better he became my staunchest defender and it was because of his support that I was able to get my degree.

If he's been with you long enough to know better then definitely ditch him, but sometimes it is hard for non-sufferers to really understand what it's like to have an invisible disability like this (the tutting at parking in disabled spaces used to really upset me) until they've had a bit more time to adjust... Only you can tell whether he's worth sticking with, though.

You have my sympathies, though. I hope 2012 is much better for you in every way x

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