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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit deflated after DP an DS met today. I need a bloody big kick up the ass

15 replies

Notalone · 30/12/2011 21:20

I have been with DP for over 8 months now and today he met DS10 for the first time. I was very nervous as I was with DS's dad for almost 2 decades so this is all new to us, but it has all gone brilliantly. They have both got on really well. So well in fact that they have been up in DS's room on computer games since 5pm with a brief trip downstairs to eat dinner. I cooked and washed up everything and now feel like I am at a bit of a loose end. I expected the 3 of us would spend time together but I actually feel left out. I have been upstairs with a big box of chocs to keep them going and any atempt I have made at conversation has been met with "uugggggggghhhhh" from both of them (except for when DS came downstairs to give me a big cuddle and to tell me he thinks DP is awesome)

God, I should be so happy. This has gone better than I ever thought possible but I never expected to feel like this. I am being so childish I know. What is wrong with me? Please feel free to kick me up the ass. I think I probably need it Sad Confused Blush

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1Catherine1 · 30/12/2011 21:25

I agree. You do... The 2 most important men in your life are getting on I can see why you might feel left out but you need to shut up and let them bond. Glad it went well. :-)

molepomandmistletoe · 30/12/2011 21:26

lol, I would probably be just as pissed off as you are to be honest but at least DS is happy about him.

Figgyrollsintoapudding · 30/12/2011 21:27

See my boot! Wallop!

It might have gone the other way with you sitting at home in tears, dp gone and ds in his room playing computer games and telling you how much he hates you?

sounds like you are a wee bit jealous - but remember they will both be making a supreme effort to get on with each other - it probably won't always be like this so take advantage Grin

(If I seem a little daft I am sorry and I can imagine you are feeling a bit third wheel, good luck with it all it sounds like it is going well!)

TotemPole · 30/12/2011 21:29

It's nice that they've got on well.

Maybe you could come up with a few activities you can all do together. Perhaps a day out that you'll all enjoy.

Would you normally spend time playing games on the computer with him? Is that something you're interested in?

ChristinedePizaTinsel · 30/12/2011 21:30

Why did you cook and do the washing up when there are two other people in the house who were capable of doing that? And take them chocolates?

It's lovely that they're getting on of course but you really need to start as you mean to go on and right now it sounds like you're being treated like mum

Original poster
Notalone · 30/12/2011 21:45

Well dP has just come downstairs and said. Oh, my train is in a minute. Right see you later then and before I could blink he was gone. I am now sat here feeling weirdly tearful and very deflated. What the fuck is that all about? We agreed that we wouldn't be phyiscal in front of DS as his dad and his gf seem to spend all their time passionately kissing and ignoring Ds and we wanted to be the opposite of this to show him a parent meeting someone else can be a positive thing too. But I might as well have been the bloody hired help today. Also I was pissed off cos as DP was going DS made a comment about DP's appearance. Nothing too bad but still quite personal. I told Ds it is rude to comment on someone personal appearance like that and DP kept saying that it isn't rude and its fine to do that. I don't seel he should have contradicted me like that and that pissed me off too.

God, I feel like I am being such a bitch but I feel so weird about this and just never expected it. As Totem said, I think next time a day out might be better and as Christine said, I need to start as I mean to go on. I don't want to end up doing everything again though to be fair to DP he is normally brilliant at helping out.

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fireandthefury · 30/12/2011 21:50

Giving your DP the benefit of the doubt (because he sounds like a nice guy) he probably just isn't very good at multi-tasking.

In his mind - today was about meeting and getting on with DS. So if he hasn't spent much time with you today or helped out in the kitchen it's because he's been focused on the task of getting to know your DS. And he sounds like he's been really committed to it.

THe comment your DS made, well, you guys will have to work it out amongst yourselves but I'm guessing your DP just didn't want to end tonight on a bum note.

ReindeerBollocks · 30/12/2011 21:50

This is completely normal (I'm afraid). There are almost always teething issues when a DP meets a DC, and although you are feeling slightly downtrodden it has gone much better than some DP/DC meets.

DP is probably really trying to impress you by getting on with DC, and channelling his inner ten year old as a result, but this is just the first meeting and every day life won't be like this. If you are considering in with DP in the future, then you can talk about roles and how to respond to the DC. But at the moment, with everything still being very new, I would take a couple of days to reflect and realise how positive the meeting actually was.

ReindeerBollocks · 30/12/2011 21:50

If you are considering moving in*

coraltoes · 30/12/2011 21:50

This was a big day for you, and an even bigger one for your DP potentially. I bet he has left relieved he met such a lovely boy, and glad to be part of your lives. He sounds like a great guy, making a big effort to make your DS accept him, and maintain the physical boundaries you set. Ok they forgot aout you, for a day, but in the grand scheme of it all? This is a GREAT start to life together! They will both have been a bit nervous and caught up in it all.

Now they know each other, you can remind them to set the table, maybe the pair of them can team up for washing up or cooking and spend time in the family rooms with you. But for today? Accept this as a big step forward and a successful one. Ignore the contradiction for now. If it happens again mention how it makes you feel.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2011 21:52

Does your DP (is he really a 'partner' yet?) have children of his own?

thepeoplesprincess · 30/12/2011 21:53

Chill, Winston Smile It all went swimmingly.

Original poster
Notalone · 30/12/2011 21:57

I know. On paper this is exactly the outcome I wanted. DS has just told me again on his way to bed what a great guy DP is and how much they have in common. It is a huge result. I just never ever expected to feel so strange about it in the end. But DP has been amazing spending that much time with DS and just getting on so well with him. He has well and truly won Ds over and that is what I wanted. I think I will go to bed soon and as reindeer said, once I have reflected I am sure I will feel positive about everything. Today has been a very good but very weird day and some sleep is what I need now I think

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Original poster
Notalone · 30/12/2011 21:58

Yes - he has 3 of his own - 2 in their teens and one age 6. I am supposed to be meeting the younger one soon who is with a different mum to the older two. That will be weird too I think!

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Original poster
Notalone · 30/12/2011 22:43

Well I have reflected and am now feeling a bit shame faced about everything. I just called DP to thank him for making such an effort with DS and he apologised for ignoring me all night but said he thinks DS is a lovely lad and he felt really sad for DS cos he told DP that his dads gf never spends time with him. Meeting DP has been a good thing for him and I will get over myself before they meet again Blush. Thanks for your advice / offers of footwear against my bum lol

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