to think perhaps I wasn't cut out to have kids.

[youbethemummylion]

I have two kids DS1 (4 years old) DS2 (20 months) Due to various different reason it is VERY rare I have sole resposibility for both kids, Usually DH is around too or one is at school, or friends/relatives, nursery etc

Today I have had them both to myself since 7am and I feel like a complete failure! DS2 screamed for ages when DH left for work as he MUCH prefers DH to me (a fact I am resigned to, no amount of one on one time has solved this!) I gave him christmas chocolate in the end to stop it. This was parenting fail number one since then there have been many more!

The kids have constanly wound each other up, DS1 antagonising DS2 on purpose, DS1 also for some unknown reason pulled a button off his cardigan on purpose (I gave him a stern talking too about respecting property as it cost mummy and daddy money to buy that cardigan and mummy and daddy don't have much money etc etc think this may have been overkill for a button?!) , they have emptied the recycling bag all over the floor, DS2 has invented the came of throwing himself off DS1's bed into the balled up duvet and went beserk when I stopped him.

I took them to the park which got me about an hour of peace where they weren't both fighting with each other/whining about this that and the other they actually played nicely together.

Now they have fallen asleep in car and even though it is tea time I am parked outside not waking them up so I can have a few minutes peace. This is bad isn't it?!

sounds pretty normal to me [grins]

Normal. . mine are normally worse!!

Yep yoube you sounds just about right to me.

Life is a non-stop conversation with my dd 4, i've been out to get extra supplies of Nurofen Extra, counting down the days to nursery starts again.
My brain is literally scrambled.

She is lovely when she's asleep though.

totally normal. i make sure i never have to look after both on my own if i can possibly help it. doesn't mean we're not cut out to have kids, but just that we're not cut out to look after them both whilst they're little. sure you're good at other stuff, and sure they still love you as their mum. tis hard tho, when you see people like my childminder who thrives on looking after half-a-dozen tots at once. but me? no siree. get all the minutes peace you can!

I've got a 4 and a 2 and it's like PANDEMONIUM most days. I really do sympathise. It's bloomin' hard work!

Thank god the 4 year old is a summer baby so started school this year . Also on very odd occasions they play together for a bit.

I increasingly enjoy the 4 year old's company, having the odd nice chat about things but most of the time with these ages it is relentless meeting of needs, stopping fights and the NOISE is enough to drive you insane.

I hear some people have quiet directable children but I can't imagine what that's like, not something I've ever had!

Actually doesn't sound too bad for post-Xmas week, tbh.

It's not that you're not cut out to be a mum. It's just that some days are incredibly, tediously difficult and today was one of them.

Sounds normal to me too - you are being far too hard on yourself! Have a glass of wine and stop beating yourself up.

Completely normal, one of the reasons some mums choose to work rather than be sahm. Well done on the hour of fun in the park and the fact that all is blissful now. I keep a book in the car for such moments! You are totally cut out to be a mum don't beat yourself up over it, kids are hard work!

Sounds like my dc's. They are 6 and nearly 4 now, but I remember those ages being tough as well. It is still pandemonium here most days. I am reaching for the wine come bedtime. I find it MUCH harder on my own without dh, as there is only one of me to sort out the squabbles, demands, noise and so it goes on. I am sure you are doing the best you can, and that is all that matters.

Totally normal - both you and them!! Boys ime need lots of exercise and this is why your trip to the park was the most successful part of the day. Just one other point- my DS would have absolutely nothing to do with me for the first couple of years to the point that it was a family joke and everyone roared with laughter about it whilst I tried not to look hurt. This has all changed now - you would think I was the love of his life!! It will change for you too and it is SO lovely when it does. Don't beat yourself up about it all!

Totally normal. What is not normal is our weird Western way of life where one poor sucker mother gets stuck in a house with small kids all day at the expense of her sanity. There's a good reason for the saying that it takes a village to raise a child - the little feckers drive you round the bend if you attempt it single-handed .

Thats good to know I feel a complete b*tch not enjoying my day with the kids but it has just been very hard work! I normally work part time and DS1 goes to school and DS2 nursery so it has been an eye opener I take my hat off to sahm's! I definately enjoy dropping the kids off in the morning having a nice quiet day at work then a few hours play before a nice quiet evening with the DH. Can't wait for him to come home from work I must remember to tell him how much I appreciate him he is a great Dad think the kids would have rather had him today than me!

When I ended up in charge of 3 kids under 6 at the age of 22 (long story), I used to hide in the airing cupboard to get a minute's peace

Look, if we get them to about 15 without them hating us too much to live with us, and they are in reasonable health then I say we kicked ass as paretns.

That said I am going on a parenting course in Jan at the sure start centre. I did one when dd1 was little about 5 years ago. But I am older, fatter, more unhappy and less patient so I am going again to remind myself abot expectations in them and to get a grip really

I suggest you go on one. Mine was at a centre in one of the most deprived areas of europe. I thought I'd feel a bit out of it and a fraud, as the people in that area have some bigger problems than toddler tantrums. But actually the stories and questions were the same, from the mum with a few kids and some in care, to me with a 'posh' life [for these parts anyway]

Look into one

From the point of view of a mother of two dds (17 and 21) and step-mother of two dsds (also 17 and 21), I would say make the most of this time!

Because in a hop, skip and a jump, it's over and they are all happily going along their own paths (which is great because that is what it has all been for).

But gone are the days when I can sit on the floor and make stuff out of lego or put together a world map puzzle, or do a dollies tea party or whatever (unless we visit younger nieces and nephews), and, occasionally i feel nostalgic for those days (not that I'd want to do it again, mind!)

It's hard work I know, but it's possible you feel like this because you hardly ever spend time with them on your own, so the influence you have over how things go with the kids is lessened, as you are simply not in practice!

It'll all be gone in a flash, so enjoy as much of it as you can! and pick your battles wisely - obviously you know your reaction to your son pulling off his button on purpose was a tad ott, or to my mind rather taking things a bit seriously, but in the grand scheme of things it's not really that serious a crime and if anything quite funny really...

Hope this post from a bit of an oldster isn't too annoying or baffling.....it's certainly not meant to be.

I could have written your OP! DCs 4 and 2 have driven me completely round the bend today- fighting, shouting, whingeing and generally being complete pitas. EVERYTHING I tried failed, so resorted to a large helping of both CBeebies and selection boxes...and spent a good hour or so wishing I was a better mum . Am single mum- their Dad helps out a lot, but I still find it incredibly stressy trying to manage both of them. You are sooooo not alone, and am counting the days 'til back at work!

Ds has just turned 5 and dd is 15 months. I am a sahm. Some days they drive me round the twist. Dh works shifts and we don't live near family so I have them both on my own A LOT. Some days its fine and other days I could sit and cry and rock in a corner!!

The trick is to keep busy, being stuck in the house is terrible. I also really really hate doing tea, bath, bed on my own but remind myself of the vat glass of wine at the end and I get through it.

Mines are 12 And 7 and the schools honestly can't reopen fast enough. It hasn't helped we have all had a virus, me last and still feeling crappy. Nothing unusual in not really enjoying parenting IMO as long as its not constant that you feel like that!

There was five years age difference between mine and they were awesome never had a fight, never argued, the big one always looking out for the little one, its them having different interests that help.

YANBU. I think this every day, or that I have an abnormally low crying/ whining tolerance threshold.

I simply moved the evening meal [for the kids 7 and 3] to 4.40pm - ish, as I have a certain amount of energy at that time.

Bath time got dumped when dd1 was about - oh, a week old or so. I havem't energy for that bun fight these days. People have baths as and when they feel like them now, morning, afternoon, big 3 hour soaks into the evening or 30 second showers when they have poo'd their pants.

We will often have a bowl of ready brek or a toasted bagel for supper [about 6.45 or soemthing] to fill them for the night.

So much for the Waltons sitting around the table having a nice family dinner. As if!!!!!

I decided very early on what was important to me, and what wasn't. I let all the rest slide into a relaxe styleee, and the important stuff [to me, like no fruit shoots or sweets before dinner etc] was gradually chipped away at by the dcs until they won. T'is the way of things.

Sounds about right to me. DD is 11 months and is getting to the clingy stage. So if one of us goes out of the room she cries & cries. And screams. Distraction techniques usually work though. And she has just learned how to start throwing a tantrum when I won't let her play with things like my mobile phone, the computer and the remote control. I have given her an old remote control with no batteries but that isn't as much fun! Roll on the days of the terrible twos with shouting 'it's not fair!' at every opportunity!

Sounds perfectly normal, i always try to get out with my two as it is the only way I can survive the day sometimes!! When we were in the play area today, mine were ( miraculously) playing well and as I looked around I could see at least three other sibling sets arguing,whinging, generally being normal, it made me feel much better- post christmas is even harder than usual so dont feel bad.

Mine are 12 & 8 & they have driven me completely mad over the holiday! I am a single mum so some days I get no help at all, and several times over the last few weeks I have lost the plot with my two (who seem to be either fighting or hyping each other up & trashing the house!) & felt I was not cut out for motherhood! Children are blardy hard work & test our patience to the max!

You are a NORMAL (good) MUM with NORMAL KIDS by the sound of it!!! My DS is 12 and DD is 9 and they are only just starting to calm down a bit. For the last 5 years or so it's been a World War 3 zone at times in our house. I am constantly telling them they could 'argue over fresh air'. But now I feel that esp. DS is old enough to see that constant arguing and fighting will get them nowhere and only get their mum certified.

Does you remember the 6 weeks hols LAST year? It rained practically the whole time. I had got to the end of my tether by about day 2 of the 42 days. I remember yanking the back door open on one particularly bad day and hurling their nearby shoes right across the garden in anger and frustration.

I'm sure you are doing your best and your best is probably far better than you give yourself credit for. One thing I have learnt is that even though were are the parents and are there to look after them our children need to learn (hopefully from an early age) that we are human and fallable(?), we get upset and we need time to ourselves to and if they are being 'naughty' or 'lazy' or whatever it is then it's going to effect mum and/or dad. The sooner they learn the world does NOT revolve around them the better behaved they'll be. That said, children are always going to let off steam and unfortunately we are always in the firing line.