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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go clubbing NYE to please DH?

24 replies

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 09:27

I HATE clubs/clubbing. Always have. Not just a little bit, I go into a full blown panic mode and feel like I want to burst into tears. The darkness, flashing lights, thumping music and millions of tarts people is what some people love but I really can't stand it.

DHs home town is 150 miles away. Originally him and his friend wanted to go away for the weekend and make NyE his friends stag. Fine by me, I have plenty of friends and family I could go and see. The plans for this epic NYE fell thru as usual as they are rubbish at organising.

So now DH want me to go out for a meal with friends and partners and then to a club for NYE. All in his home town.

This has annoyed me because giving up this weekend to go and stay with his parents wasn't on my agenda before going back to work! I have housey stuff to do!

It's also annoyed me he asked me to go clubbing even though I hate it.

I said yes to the meal but I'll go home when everyone else moves onto the club. He says I am being unreasonable and should make more of an effort for him. Am I?

OP posts:

tribpot · 30/12/2011 09:33

Perhaps he should make more of an effort for you ... for example, by not going out clubbing so you can head home at a reasonable time on New Year's Day to get on with some of the stuff you wanted to do before going back to work? Going to his home town and out for the meal is surely the compromise, isn't it, between what you wanted to do and he wanted to do.

FetchezLaVache · 30/12/2011 09:34

No, YANBU. If you hate clubbing (in itself entirely NU), it's going to be 10000x worse on NYE. Why should you have to put yourself through something you actively hate just because he and his friend are crap at organising themselves? TBH I would even have refused to spend the weekend at his parents'. You had your plans, again why should you have to change them just because he and his friends are a bit rubbish?

Fregley · 30/12/2011 09:34

stay at home - let him go
you arent joined at the hip

Sirzy · 30/12/2011 09:34

You should make the effort for him but he is happy to take you somewhere he knows you will hate normally let alone with nye crowds?

Just going for the meal sounds a good compromise, if he isnt happy with that I would be tempted to just stay at home!

Steph260311 · 30/12/2011 09:40

I agree with sirzy - going for the meal is a good compromise. Sounds like he is BU trying to make you go clubbing if he knows how much you hate it. Then again, do you get him to do things he absolutely hates?

Original poster

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 09:41

I think the trouble is, he doesn't understand how much I hate busy clubs and how much it panics me. I have tried explaining but he doesn't seem to understand 'because everyone likes it.'

I am going to stick to my guns and go to the meal but not the club. That way I am seeing his friends and his family and making 'an effort' but not doing something I hate (which WILL be awful on NYE).

I just wanted to check my compromise was indeed a satisfactory compromise.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 09:42

I don't make him do things he hates. In fairness I can't think of anything he really hates though! Or if I do he hasn't told me, so he is daft because I'm not psychic!

OP posts:

Fregley · 30/12/2011 09:43

god most Hs would be delighted to go out alone

tribpot · 30/12/2011 09:45

It doesn't really matter that clubbing panics you, the fact is you don't want to do it. Therefore why should you do it?

His lack of empathy's a bit worrying though - 'everyone likes it'? Because he does?

LovesBloominChristmas · 30/12/2011 09:48

Has the meal been booked? If not it's likely you won't even be doing that.

Original poster

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 09:50

The meal hasn't been booked. The tickets for the club haven't been bought either.

Another reason why I don't want head back for what will essentially be a wasted trip/weekend!

OP posts:

lottiegb · 30/12/2011 09:52

He doesn't need to understand - just to believe you.

tribpot · 30/12/2011 09:52

Well I certainly wouldn't be heading out until a restaurant has been booked, on the off-chance they can find anywhere at this late stage. It sounds like you'll end up dragging round endless horribly crowded pubs just for the sake of being out on NYE. I wouldn't step foot out of doors for that!

Spuddybean · 30/12/2011 10:05

i hate clubbing - always have, even in my teens early 20's. I never go anywhere unless i get a guaranteed seat

NYE is the worst time for clubs. Also if you haven't booked a restaurant you will be traipsing round looking for one available, in the rain, and cold, then queue for a club, then get into the club, then after queuing for half hour for an overpriced drink at the bar, stand squished without being able to hear what anyone you are with says, loud throbbing music, crowds of drunk morons falling into you, inadvertently touching your arse, eventually you have had the required amount of fun and are allowed to go home, good luck trying to find a taxi now, or end up walking home with sore feet.

I know i sound like a grinch but does anyone enjoy that really? is it some form of mass hypnosis.

I would not go. Say your are sick...just say anything for the love of god!

BastedTurkey · 30/12/2011 10:08

What spuddy said

iFailedTheTuringTest · 30/12/2011 10:24

Everyone likes clubbing?

Get him to read this:
I hate clubbing, never liked it even in my teens and twenties. I am very sociable, love a night in a nice pub. But I detest clubs. So does everyone I socialise with. Get a grip mrsozz dp. Not many people actually like nightclubs. She is soo nbu

JustHecate · 30/12/2011 10:50

What effort is he making for you?

You go clubbing, which you loathe, because he wants you to, and he does what that he loathes but you like?

There are times in a relationship when you will do something that you'd really rather not do because it means so much to your partner, but I don't think this is really one of those times

I mean clubbing? really? I thought that was for the kids. I've listened to them talking after a night out and taking the total piss out of anyone they saw there who was over 25!

Xales · 30/12/2011 10:56

Am I reading this right? Initially he was heading off with his mate for an epic weekend leaving you to make your own arrangements 150 miles away at home. You were both happy with that.

Now he and his mate haven't bothered to pull their thumbs out and organise it he wants you to give up whatever plans you may have made locally travel 150 miles, go out with him and then go clubbing with him.

Because you are saying you don't want to go clubbing he is saying you are being unreasonable and not making an effort for him where the initial plan was for him to fuck off and leave you to your own devices...

Selfish bastard trying to use emotional blackmail (you don't make an effort for him) just to try and make you do what he wants regardless of your own feelings.

Original poster

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 10:58

He read the thread and has FINALLY seen the light.

'I didn't realise you really didn't like it that much.' and agreed it's fine for me to just go to the meal. We have been together 5 years and I have never ever agreed to go clubbing. We even met at Uni and I didn't club then!

Restaurants, yes, lovely and civilised. Nice pubs, yes, but not at rowdy times. A bar at a push, but normally when it's relatively quiet and empty. But never ever a hot, heaving, sweaty club.

The 'meal' is planned to be at 7pm at the pub at the end of his parents road. Sowhen if we don't get a table, we can just have a drink and I can chat to the wives and then I can walk the very short distance back without having rely on taxis.

Taxis - another bug bear. As if a whole night decribed like Spuddybean described isn't bad enough, you then can't fricking get home!! The club they had planned to go to is in Leamington Spa, a good 15 miles from his home in Coventry. So you can't even walk it if you wanted to! Come to think of it, I bet they haven't even booked a taxi/mini bus.

I'm going to have such a lovely night in with MIL and SIL (I genuinely get on well with them, unusual for MN I know!), and they are going to be traipsing round in the cold.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsOzz · 30/12/2011 11:03

Xales yes you read that right! And interpereted it correctly.

I don't mind travelling the 150 miles to his parents. We haven't seen them over Christmas and whilst it wasn't high on my priority list and I was looking forward to a weekend of girl time I don't mind going to see them.

But yes, I think it was the 'making an effort' comment that annoyed me. Because I AM BLOODY MAKING an effort, packing all ours and DDs stuff, driving the 150 miles and giving up my last weekend off before work, to see YOUR friends and YOUR family. I never said I wouldn't do this. I just said I wouldn't do it in a club.

Thankfully, I think I have finally got through to him and he is now grovelling.

OP posts:

Iodine · 30/12/2011 11:12

I'm going to be in leamington too for nye. Spent my uni years here and never once was tempted to go into the 'clubs' here. I hear they're a dive on normal nights, you're very wise to keep well away! I'm worrying a bit about being able to get a taxi back home to warwick but at least I can walk it. Good luck to them getting back to Cov! On the plus side there are some nice bars in leam if he does drag you out, but they will still all be crowded.

Nanny0gg · 30/12/2011 11:42

Guess who'll be getting a phone call when they can't get a taxi...

ChaoticAngel · 30/12/2011 11:54

Glad he's finally seen sense. Btw make sure you have a few drinks on NYE just in case NannyOgg's prediction comes true

tribpot · 01/01/2012 01:11

I'm resurrecting this thread with the sincere hope the OP isn't currently driving back to her PILs, gritting her teeth.

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