to think my inlaws will never be a part of our lives

[dubbada]

short version of all the crap pil have dumped on me this is the worst of it

Bit of back ground info
DH and i have been together for 10 years we now and theyve never really liked me because I have a strong character and will not be bullied.

When we had 1st DC we picked 4 godparents that we thought were right for our family and my sil wasnt one of them she never showed interest in the pregnacy and we didnt really get on, now we only thought we would ever have one child. but when it was mentioned dh explained that sil lack of interest had gone against her but hoping for a second if she improved she could be in on the next one, matter reasonably dropped.

Miracle occured we fell pregnant everyone happy, Sil showed no interest in this or firstborn so we carried on. SIL lives less than 30 min away and works 20 mins away and drives past our house every day.

After disscussion with DH we decided it wasnt good for her to be godparent her lack of interest and hatered of me wasnt going to make this work.( I should let you know as an example that a couple of months after first born she emailed my hausband saying she wouldnt see firstborn because of me and that she felt sorry that for it because i was the mother!!)

So insteda of poor dh getting the brunt i wrote to her expalining that i felt it was inappropriate for her to be god parent and the reasons why.

This let off a bomb PIL took her side, dh was no longer welcome in fil house and mil didnt want us round cause she didnt want to take sides (duh) so we ingored carried on when second was born dh phoned to let them know nothing from them card gift or visit. 6 wks later mil phoned DH at work wanting to know why he hadnt brought baby round in first wk t see her.

He explained this was unreasonble, it was also noted that they wouldnt acknowledge me by avoiding phoning the house or posting anything to the house.

So we havent spoken to them trying to let the dust settle, but they have so far snubbed first borns 2nd birthday no card or gift and nothing for both dc christmas no card gift or acknowledement second born is now 7months and the have never seen her.

its been ten years shall we just accept the lack of contact, it should be noted my parents are very supportve and worship their grandchildren

Maybe they dont want to be part of your life as you are such hard work.

Did you really tell his sister you might consider her for furture children if her behavoiur/interest improved? No wonder they aren't beating a path to your door.

I think that there is far more history here that we don't know about. We just chose godparents, we didn't send letters saying why we didn't choose people.

What was the point of your letter? Did you honestly think that it would improve things?? Did you think it through? If you had, any reasonable person would have realised that it was going to cause the most almighty ructions. They sound far from perfect but you sound very hard work what with you 'strong personality' etc. I am similarly tough but also diplomatic enough to realise when to confront and when to let it lie.

interest = cards, visit acknowledgement i agree youdont need to be interested in kids, but if you want to be godparent i wold have thought it would be reasonable expectation, letter wasnt my best idea but everytime we meet it blows up and nothing is achieved but upset

at any point had SIL said, overtly or outright, that she wanted to be a godmother?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your siblings to be interested in your children and if they are not, they should care about you sufficiently, to have the good manners to pretend.

OP, they don't seem worth the bother.

I deffo think that the letter was unwise. I would have been livid if i had received such a letter. I was not interested in children before my dcs were born, in fact i was terrified if anyone gave me their baby to hold. The world doesn't revolve around you OP.
BTW, i am speaking as someone who has a really difficult MIL; who would be absolutely thrilled if i had sent a letter such as the one you wrote to your SIL, as it would have given MIL, more 'ammunition' to use against me.