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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to change my husbands fb status to "incompetant douchebag"?

25 replies

fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 07:25

So my dh isn't very techno-savvy. Fine. He goes to get himself a digital camera so that he can take photos of the girls and upload them to facebook for family and friends to see. Fine (though I already do that anyway, so don't see the need)

But in the process, he manages to take some godawful unflattering photos of me. And post them. Without my permission.

Now, the first time it happened I told him off and deleted them. Apparently he "didn't mean to upload them" Hmm but had an accident with the photo editing software.

The second time it happened I was livid. Especially as there were also a fair few naked beach photos of the DD's in there, as well as some photos of DD's birthday party with other people's children. I deleted the photos and told him that if he doesn't know what he's doing then he's not allowed to post photos of me or the kids anymore.

He's only bloody gone and done it again! He took some really fugly, looked like Meatloaf unflattering photos of me over Christmas and published them to his facebook profile. And for whatever reason, when I've logged into his account to delete them, I keep getting error messages. In the meantime, my mom has spotted them and shared them with all of her friends too. So now they're out there and there's no getting them back.

I know it's only photos and it's not like I'm invisible otherwise. And if I don't want people to see me being fat and fugly, I should get off of mumsnet, put on some makeup and lose a few stone pounds.

But AIBU to want the final say in which pictures of me are distributed over the internet? (especially if I'm not sure he knows how to change his privacy settings appropriately!) WIBU to shame his inconsideration and incompetence on the same site? If I see him with a camera, WIBU to find some cosy orifice in which to stuff it?

OP posts:
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 30/12/2011 07:28

Yanbu.

I especially like your use of douchebag. It is my insult of choice but don't hear it from others often enough! Grin

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 07:35

It does trip off the tongue rather nicely, doesn't it? Grin I reserve if for those occasions when "buttmunch" just won't do.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 07:36

it damnit!

OP posts:
Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 30/12/2011 07:36

Yanbu but that is the curse of Facebook, anyone can post pics of you and tag them.

I particularly hate it as Dh kids have friended him and now his ex wife can obviously go in and have a good nose at my beachwear photos, doublechin pics, bad hair days etc. The trouble with DH's is that they don't see the bad photos in the same light as we do. I asked if he had screened photos of me out of sight (ex wife absolutely hates me and has done many dangerous and nasty things in the past so I don't want the woman to have a window on my world AT ALL)

I would put swimwear on the dds from now on though, if not just for sun/skincare reasons.

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 07:59

Yes, I'll have to keep the girls better covered if he doesn't have the sense to keep those photos private. It's a shame, as DD2 (2yo) really hates wearing clothes and strips off 20+ times a day.

OP posts:
Zombi · 30/12/2011 08:28

If he's going to be a total twunt and upload nekkid kiddie pix (that's what's really bothering me about this) tell him to create a private album that is set to only him being able to view it so that you can be his editor and move them into albums for others to see. Re: tagging you can make it so only you can see photos people have tagged of you (this won't apply to the friends of whoe er uploaded the pic but it wonz't show on your page)

Yanbu

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 09:14

I spoke to him about it again just now, and he's still insistent that he didn't publish any photos to facebook (despite them being clearly visible on his page) because he never "told it to publish them". Hmm When I asked WTF he was doing uploading them if he never intended to display them on his page he said "to keep them safe", like he thought he was creating an online backup or something. He really just doesn't get it.

The naked photos were gone within a couple of hours of being uploaded, and he was cross that I told him not to post any more photos since he clearly didn't know what he was doing and there was no need. (I already back up photos to an external hard drive and post appropriate shots with everyone's permission). He said he felt "disempowered" by me telling him not to do it.

So this morning I got pissed off that he went ahead and posted fugly ass photos of me despite my explicitly stated wishes to take care of photo-sharing myself. His response was that I just needed to get used to the fact that I'm middle-aged (34!) and have a big arse now. (12, maybe 14 at a push.)

Now I'm just sad and can't be bothered with payback.

OP posts:
snuffaluffagus · 30/12/2011 09:36

God he sounds like a dick (just from that last comment).

He obviously can't use Facebook photo uploader (I guess it can be a bit confusing) and doesn't understand what it's for (backing up photos?! What a plum). He realises that photos on Facebook aren't full resolution right, so it's a rubbish place to 'back them up' anyway?

It just sounds like he's being stubborn and can't accept he can't work something.

Get him to read this - hey mate, swallow your pride and accept you can't work the thing. Respect your wife's privacy and for the love god don't lash out at her and deliberately hurt her by saying mean things just because you feel silly.

AliBellandthe40jingles · 30/12/2011 09:40

He sounds an idiot. Why doesn't he take the time to learn what he is doing?

curbyburr · 30/12/2011 09:43

Don't kid yourself...he does get it, if you are that technically unsavvy you would not be able to upload anything

karentokylie · 30/12/2011 09:47

'Middle-aged with a big arse' Shock. I actually felt quite sorry for him before I read that.

I think you need to take some revenge...

TopazMortmain · 30/12/2011 09:49

Facepalm and sympathy OP

Don't let him near any nuclear devices

lottiegb · 30/12/2011 09:49

You can't 'disempower' someone who has failed to empower themselves, through knowledge, in the first place. He's flailing in the dark and worthy of all ridicule for this - more than ridicule for the naked kiddy pics.

Fb as a back-up for pictures? Ha, ha, oh dear. No, it's for sharing, selectively. I don't make friends with people who are careless about sharing pictures. My own boundaries, on fb and Flickr (that is for back-up storage, as well as selective sharing) is that I don't make any pictures of people public and only share them with a close group of people who actually know and like each other.

I know you have no control over what pictures others take and tag but carelessness and worse, disrespect while knowing your wishes, in this way, definitely informs my opinion of people. DP knows to let me edit (and does have enough of an idea to distinguish 'maybe ok' from 'terrible').

LovesBloominChristmas · 30/12/2011 09:56

Hrs sending you a message loud and clear - what else does he feel you are in control of?

Zombi · 30/12/2011 10:15

3e: publishing. I think he's talking about the part where, once you upload the pix, it says 'changes not yet published'' and then gives you an option to publish.

Publishing means posting them to your news feed. It does not mean that they aren't in the albums.

Zombi · 30/12/2011 10:19

*re (stupid smartphone)

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 30/12/2011 11:04

You could accidentally delete his entire FB account (well turn it off or whatever they call it - is it deactivate? to actually delete one is nigh on impossible from what I gather)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/12/2011 11:21

Arghhhh - this thread has just given dh even more ammunition for his 'I hate fb and never wish to be a part of it ever' Luddite stance! But I'd agree with PomBear - deactivate his account. And put a password on his user on the PC too - one that only you know! And take the digital camera away. And dh suggests hammering nails into his head (too left-wing, woolly liberal, my dh Grin).

skybluepearl · 30/12/2011 11:23

TAKE SOME REALLY AWFUL UNFLATTERING PHOTOS OF HIM AND KEEP POSTING THEM EACH DAY ON YOUR fb

Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 12:30

Zombi is right about what he's been doing wrong, but even having explained it he just doesn't get it and thinks that facebook isn't working properly. (doh!)

I think I fuled the situation when I told him not to post any more photos without checking with me first. (having first asked nicely and been unsuccessful) Like a red flag to a bull! He was definitely sending me a message, and was embarrased when he screwed it up again--then he tried displacing my outrage by trying to make me feel bad about my big arse. Sod!

Luckily he's such a numpty that he did it from my computer and ticked the "remember my password" box on the facebook login page. Grin So I can change his settings so no one can access the photos probably without him realizing.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuzzypicklehead · 30/12/2011 12:31
OP posts:
DashingRedhead · 30/12/2011 12:42

Xmas Grin at Fuzzy and Topaz. Sorry Fuzzy, I know this is serious, but I like your idea of changing his profile pic...

Thumbinnapuddingwitch · 30/12/2011 12:47

Sounds more like the last lot were payback than incompetence - like he did it deliberately purely because you told him not to. That's just plain nasty. "Disempowered" - really? What a nob.

Mind you, one of my friends has a fat-maker camera - she posted pics of me taken with it onto a private group page and tagged me bitch but I could untag myself at least! Didn't want those going out to a wider audience! Angry

As for posting the naked kiddy pics - is he INSANE??? Shock

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/12/2011 13:04

Fuzzypicklebottom "" Why are you resisting?

Zombi · 30/12/2011 14:29

Even if OP did deactivate his account it only takes him signing in again to reactivate it.

sdt must go watch First Contact now. It is my complete mission to go out for halloween as a borg next year

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