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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Buying a house - I probably am BU

33 replies

bluerememberedhills · 29/12/2011 22:45

DH & DS don't really mind as long as they have comfy sofa , beds and somewhere dry to shit. I on the other hand have a dream of a balcony or a little garden where I can grow some plants ......AIBU to dismiss houses because they dont have what I want ? I do realise that I am fortunate to have a choice (although be clear - we are not talking mansions here - we are talking small terraced houses ) But AIBU to hold out for what I want ?

I don't know - I suspect I am and I suspect IABU but a house purchase is a big thing .....

OP posts:

Firawla · 29/12/2011 22:48

no i dont see why yanbu... house purchase is a long term thing so its worth getting one that you are happy with. its an expensive mistake if you get one that you are a bit miserable with as it does not have what you want. as long as its realistic in your budget then i would hold out a little bit for what you want

randommoment · 29/12/2011 22:48

YANBU. I agreed to take a house which didn't have some of my must-haves, because we (or rather he) were getting desperate. A decade later I'm still fed up with the handkerchief garden and lack of storage.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/12/2011 22:49

It depends how long you've been looking and how urgently you need to move!

If you're more choosy than them, no, it's not unreasonable to say so - do they think you should hurry up?

slavetofilofax · 29/12/2011 22:49

It depends how long you have been looking and how soon you need to move. How likely are you to find the right house in the right area for the right price?

Do you have a street or road in mind that has the sort of property you want? It could be a good idea to find the house you want, even if it's not on the market, and make an offer.

Moominsarescary · 29/12/2011 23:02

Sometimes it depends on finances and area, wanting a balcony or a little bit of a garden doesn't seem unreasonable but I guess it depends where you want to live

Weve had an offer accepted today, yay!!!
Our main priority was 4 bedrooms and area, which was quite hard on our budget

skybluepearl · 29/12/2011 23:10

hold out for the right house if you can. no house is perfect but one may come close

slowburner · 29/12/2011 23:18

You will know the right house when you find it. First time I looked at 60+ and one day one arrived that was beaten up, run down and tired out. I loved it, had a huge huge garden, we only sold due to DD needing to be nearer a hospital. This time round looked at three, loved the third, offer accepted, seller pulled out Christmas eve.

Gutted.

Original poster

bluerememberedhills · 29/12/2011 23:40

Thanks all

I just worry because whatever DH & DS look at they say "yes yes - it will do". I sort of want what I want (hence AIBU) . And to be clear my wants are pretty low key . Trouble is where I live all is v expensive so what you might think
is modest actually costs a fortune. (relatively)

I'm grateful for your views - clearly only I can sort this out but thank you to all who have troubled to reply. (You know how it is when you start thinking about these things in a spiral )

Thank you

BRH

OP posts:

randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:43

Just to clarify blue do you actually have to move within a set time limit?

Original poster

bluerememberedhills · 29/12/2011 23:48

Oh and to reply - yes I do sort of know which roads , what kind of house I could be happy in . And I am holding out for that which is why IABU . But on the other hand I dont think we should just buy anything for the sake of it. We are renting - it is too small and not perfect but we have a roof over our heads & it is OK IMHO ) We can live with it - we dont need to buy for the sake of it .

Thanks all - just getting a bit stir crazy in small flat but your comments have helped - thank you

BRH

OP posts:

randommoment · 29/12/2011 23:53

Best of luck - hope your happy home turns up soon.

FredFredGeorge · 30/12/2011 08:10

If you don't need to move quickly, tell the agents exactly what roads you want, and you'll be ready to buy if anything in them comes up. They'll call as soon as they do and you can stop looking around bugging DH and DS looking at places which don't meet what you want.

YANBU for wanting what you want, particularly if they don't care (you'd be more U if you wanted the exact opposite of them)

tyler80 · 30/12/2011 08:26

I think in the current climate there's no need to rush into buying, I think you have the luxury of being able to wait for something to come along.

I was the fussy one when choosing, it's easier if you have defined reasons for rejecting house after house. When you can't articulate what's wrong with a particular house other than "it's not right" partner's can start to get a little weary.

noblegiraffe · 30/12/2011 09:55

A house is a hugely expensive purchase which is important to get right as you will have to live in it every day. 'It will do' is not good enough when you are spending thousands and thousands of pounds. If a balcony isn't completely out of the realms of possibility, then hold out for one. Your wishlist is as important as your DH's because it will be your house too.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/12/2011 11:46

YANBU but there does come a point, I think, where you have to take a view that something is 'close enough' and can be altered to suit, unless you're in the business of building a house to your precise specification. Prices aren't exactly rocketing at the moment so you can afford a little prevarication but I have a friend that spent so long deciding on a property that she ended up a) missing out on profit (the first house she rejected was worth £50k more just a year later) and b) paying over the odds for the house she eventually chose. My DM house-hunted for 10 whole years without buying... drove the rest of the family nuts and nearly split her and my father up.

VivaLeBeaver · 30/12/2011 11:51

I wouldn't have thought many terraced houses have balconys though....

AnnoyingOrange · 30/12/2011 11:54

Surely it is quite say to find a house wit,h a bit of a garden? A balcony Is a bit more do a challenge though. Perhaps you could have one put in

AnnoyingOrange · 30/12/2011 11:54

Easy not say. iPad making corrections for me

ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 30/12/2011 11:58

YANBU. Hold out for the right house. DP and I saw loads of "It'll do" houses, but as soon as I walked through the door of this one I knew it was 'the one'. (It took some persuading to get him to agree, but now he loves it as much as I do ) When I think about the others we saw I shudder a little. They were all 'fine', but this is 'home'.

Disclaimer: if you're like the idiotic people on Location Location Location who have seen over 100 houses, have a non flexible wish list covering both sides of an A2 sheet of paper and can't see that your budget won't stretch to a 5 bed house with 2 en-suites and a granny flat for a fiver then YABU.

bakingaddict · 30/12/2011 12:03

Unless you are actually building your own property and you can have every spec designed, dream houses dont really exist imo. You have to be realistic when house-hunting, the houses you are looking at are somebody elses idea of a living space/quarter.

Try to look at houses in terms of potential, how close it matches your ideal and how quickly and cheaply you can turn it into 'your home'. I think if you proceed with this attitide then you'll find yourself a good property. The more you become fixated on certain features the longer it will take to buy and like Cogito says prices can increase while your still looking

Gonzo33 · 30/12/2011 12:07

@ ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged

OP YADNBU. I have a wish list for our next property. My house goes on the market in February and once it has sold we will be looking haven't already honest

Draw up a deal breaker list and a compromise list and take it with you when viewing. That will mean your heart doesn't rule your head.

We are buying our "forever" home next so want to get it just right.

EssexGurl · 30/12/2011 12:15

Nah, not u in the slightest. We had a wish list for our house. And we got everything on it. Unfortunately, as DH says - it ticked the boxes just not quite enough. It isn't my dream house even though on paper it should be. So, go for what you want - just please don't expect it to be perfect when you get it!

marriedinwhite · 30/12/2011 12:18

YANBU but sometimes realism and compromise are necessary when the first purchase is concerned. I/We have bought three houses. Each time there was a wish list with essential boxes - each time a flat/house that on paper didn't have us interested at all was the one we bought. Have been in present house for 18 years - it ticked only half our boxes but we fell in love with it!

ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 30/12/2011 12:25

Oh yes, I should have said, we had a 'no compromise' list. It included: large garden (my 'no compromise'), open plan kitchen/diner (DP's 'no compromise'), off road parking, two bathrooms. Um, it's got a large garden. We compromised on all the other stuff when I fell in love with this place.

CailinDana · 30/12/2011 12:37

Would you consider going for a house that needs a bit of work? I wasn't sure about getting a fixer-upper before we bought our house but as soon as I saw it I knew it was the one - it has a huge sitting room, and huge kitchen-diner with a lovely big back garden, but because it was run down the asking price was 35k (yes 35k) less than other much smaller houses we looked at. In the end we knocked a further 9k off the asking price, meaning we had plenty of money to do it up to a great standard. It's been hard work and we're still not finished but having the opportunity to really put your stamp on place feels great. Plus, if we choose to sell it we are guaranteed to make a profit on it.

I would definitely say don't get too attached to a particular area. I know many wouldn't agree with me on that. Just be open-minded though. It seems nuts to me to pay perhaps 10-20k extra to live in a place that is possibly no different from a less salubrious, but cheaper area. The area we bought in doesn't have a great reputation but we did our homework and found out that that reputation is unjustified. Plus, my absolute genius of a DH found out new transport links are being put in literally around the corner in the next few years which will bump up house prices in this area hugely. Perhaps look for an up and coming area that will give you what you want but in a different location?

I do agree with the others who've said that you shouldn't just go for "good enough." Be realistic with your expectations but do take your time as it's a big purchase. You'll usually know when you see the right one. We saw one that was great on paper but when I got there I just didn't like it. I'm glad I didn't force myself to go for it because I adore our old heap that is slowly getting a new lease on life :)

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