about this hen party

[comealongnow]

My best friend is getting married in May. Her hen party is in April, the hen party is in a different city to where we both live (Leeds) my BIL and his wife live in Leeds. I get on really well with my SIL.

The plan is to go to for a meal and drinks in Leeds and stay in a hotel in Leeds overnight and then the next day to go to a spa hotel just outside Leeds and stay there overnight. So two nights away in different hotels.

I have asked my friend if my SIL can come to the hen party, they know each other and she was fine with that. I am planning on staying at my SIL's flat and not the hotel on the night we go for a meal and drinks. So SIL and I will travel in on the train and then go back to hers at the end of the night.

AIBU not to join everyone at the hotel? Is it rude to ask if SIL can come so I can stay at hers? Money is an issue as I have decided to leave my job in February and honestly I really don't want to be stuck out crazy late in Leeds waiting to be able to go back to the hotel. SIL agrees and I know she won't want to stay out ridiculously late anyway. I will go to the spa the next day with everyone.

Oh and if it makes a difference, I am a bridesmaid.

I hate hen nights!! I'm going to do something as low key as possible for my own.

I can't work out weather I'd be offended or not, but then again if I was you I'd probably be trying to get out of it too!

My STB-SIL is having the exact same hen night as the op but in London and the same months too. I'm not going, I feel really bad but I'm covered in psoriasis atm so don't want to go to a spa and tbh I can't afford it either :(

I don't think yabu to not stay at the hotel as you will be meeting up with then the next day :)

I hate expensive hen nights too. It would probably have been fine to say you'd just come for the 2nd day and night so, given that, I think it's a fair compromise and if the bride is a true friend she'l definitely understand that even if it's not 100% perfect. Have fun!
(FWIW dh's sister got married in Sicily in term time which involved the whole wedding party staying in a hugely expensive villa at their own cost. SIL and BIL did buy super cheap flights for everyone at odd times from inconvenient airports to get them there. dcs and I didn't go and dh went for 3 days on his own covering the days before, during and after the actual wedding. BIL was very offended but I thought it was unfortunate but fair enough not to go. At one point Alaska had been mooted as the wedding venue!! Lovely for the bride and groom but bit much to expect everyone else to go that far.)

I wanted to update this, we spent New Years Eve with my friend and I had an honest chat with her, saying I felt I had been rude about inviting SIL and I was sorry if I had crossed a line.

She was lovely, said she totally understood and she actually wanted to invite SIL anyway as she lives in Leeds but thought it might be a bit weird because she only knows her through me. Said staying at SILs makes total sense and she knows I don't like mega late night outs and understands about the money issue. We had a hug and basically I have an amazing best friend. So it is all fine :)

Yay - sounds like you have a lovely friendship.