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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel sad

21 replies

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 15:27

This has a long old history, which I won't get into but the recent thing is for both of them to comment on a pic that I had put on FB showing a hat I had knit. with the caption 'What do you think? Did I use the wool well?'
It was in order that I could show the friend who had given me the wool, what I had made with it and because I have not done any knitting for a bit and was rather proud of it.
I smiled slightly in the pic cos I was a bit embarassed to put up a show offy type of thing. Not a great big grin of check me, I am a big show off.
Sis only comment was 'Smile ever?'
This is rich coming from the girl who was po faced for an entire day, in between reprimanding my children before I had a chance to open my mouth.

Mum came round, a big thing, she never comes to my house 'but your house is Tiny! ' and one of the first things she says is 'Where is this hat that you had no smile for?'

They just make me feel so sad that they have to be so negative before they might be in any way positive and that their first instinct is to say something rotten.
If I have ever said anything they just pull faces and say, we are only joking with you don't be so sensitive.

But it is just every time.

I feel sad for me but for them too that, sis in particular, always sees the bad before the good and believes that it is ok to just go ahead and say it no matter how it might make another feel.

OP posts:

Binfullofresolutionsonthe1st · 29/12/2011 15:30

Are you being a bit needy here and a touch over sensitive?

My cuz had a pick taken of her after her DS was born, and she had a double chin in the picture. A "friend" posted - "going back to weightwatchers any time soon ?".

Now that's nasty!

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 15:33

Oh I know people like this, see the bad in everything. It's annoying, I agree and it makes me sad too.

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 15:33

Yeah, I can see it looks that way but, as I say, there is a lot of history of the negativity.
I just wonder why they have to say something like that, why not not say anything at all?

OP posts:

yellowraincoat · 29/12/2011 15:38

In my experience, people like this are miserable bastards themselves. It's one of the things that stopped me being friends with my former best friend - first thing she said when she walked into my new house was "it smells a bit damp".

Feminine · 29/12/2011 15:39

Seems a trivial thing to be upset about.

I think that is because of the history...

Its a shame isn't it? My Dh's family treat him badly too, its a habit some people begin to enjoy unfortunately.

Try not to listen when they are cruel...and (meant nicely) grow a tougher skin :)

kerstina · 29/12/2011 15:41

YANBU or oversensitive in my opinion. These women sound like bitches and its a shame you are related to them and can't escape. Is your sister jealous of you ?
In nearly every place I have worked, which have been all female enviroments you find people like this who like to bring you down under the guise of joking.

Feminine · 29/12/2011 15:43

yellow good point.

When I first handed my SIL my newborn DD to hold, she wrinkled her nose and said "oh, I think she has passed gas!"

I later found out she was in a very bad place in her life, having always wanted more kids and her DH refusing.

That same SIL also said our home smelt damp...

gottasmile · 29/12/2011 15:44

Maybe they are insecure, or jealous of you. They have to make you feel bad about yourself to make themselves feel better?

Your mum and sister should be telling you how good it looks and how well you did.

Maybe they have such a habit of being mean to you that they don't realise they are?

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 15:46

I showed my sis the outside of a house I really liked, just peeking in the gate. It was a friends house. What did she say? Hmm, Gardens a mess, isn't it? Be quite a lot of work to fix that up.
She was at my house once and DS knocked over some cheerios. I din't clear it immediately, was busy with something else.
I couldn't live like this, I would have to clean up straight away. I like a tidy house.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/12/2011 15:47

I really think it looks like you focus on what "could" be a negative, rather than seeing any positives.

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2011 15:55

Yes, DH's "best friend" did the same when he walked into our new house...he and DH are very tall and our house is a cottage. Cue lots of exaggerated head ducking and grimacing while peering around, coupled with a "well, small, isn't it". And that was it. He is a rude man, though foes have some redeeming qualities, apparently.

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 15:59

They do give positives. After asking about 'the hat that I had no smile for' my mum said it was nice. I am sure my sis would actually think they same.
So why start out with the negatives?
They are so draining.
It is harder to accept a positive when is it following a negative.
Sis jealous? hmm, not sure.
In her better moments she has said she wishes she could be a little more chilled out about stuff. Mum says she uses my life as a marker for hers. But I know she also looks at me, judges, and decides how she can do it better, particularly parenting. Reprimanding my children, so quickly on their case I literally cannot get a word in edgeways. Even when they are sitting next to me at the dinner table. That gets me and

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 29/12/2011 16:05

I am a bit bewildered by this whole thread (and mostly why you need a 'smile' for a hat -confused]) and I don't know what history you have with your mum and sis, but you are sounding a bit strange and victimy. Sorry.

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 16:09

Well that's just it. I made a hat, decided to put it on facebook to ask my friends if they thought it was good, but my sis ignored that hat and slagged me off for not smiling.

OP posts:

FellatioNelson · 29/12/2011 16:11

I still don't get the smiling thing. Do you mean literally smiling, in person?

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 16:15

Yes. I took a picture of me with the hat on.
Gave a wee smile but not a whopping great grin and the only thing sis could think to add was 'smile ever?'

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/12/2011 16:17

but thats a typical comment that you would make to someone who is close to you... it is the sort of thing I would say to my mate/MIL/stepson.. without them taking offence!

Insomnia11 · 29/12/2011 16:19

Next time post it on your friend's wall rather than as your own status update. Depending on your/your friends settings other people including your family will be able to see it but it's more clearly aimed at another person, and your family might comment on it but it would make them look a bit weird. Or put it as a status update, but use an @ symbol before your friend's name to tag them in the update e.g. "What do you think of the hat @Susansmith?" Or if you don't want anyone else to read or comment on it, send them a message instead.

Original poster

twinklingfairy · 29/12/2011 16:26

Not taking offence as such, just feeling a bit saddened by it that that is, typically, all she could think to add.
If I were to choose to slag someone I would also add a softener about the hat.
But it is the history of all her comments that has culminated in my feeling sadden once again by her.

OP posts:

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/12/2011 16:33

My sister pissed me off over christmas.

She lives in a huge house, with massive rooms, of course it's all immaculate ( no kids ) t'is like walking into an ideal homes photo shoot.

We live in a small 3 bed semi which we're struu=ggling to do up because the dcs can't cope with people in and out ( both have Autism )

So there we are, invited up for our yearly visit and ds starts griping, 'I don't want to go home, ur house is small and old, it's a pigsty ' ( the pigsty comment he picked up from me I confess )

Which sis found very funny and kept getting him to repeat it

Bearing in mind he has the social skills of a toddler I was more than a bit pissed off.

She did get a death glare in the end, as I hastily gathered the kids up and left.

Ah fuckem, tomorrow is dds birthday, we'll be having 8 kids bombing around my poky pigsty, eating too many sweets and enjoying themselves, unlike at her place where we all ave too stand like staidies dare we place a mark on her hand painted wall paper.

FellatioNelson · 29/12/2011 16:48

Oh, I see! You were wearing the hat in the photo! I get it now.

Anyway, it still sounds like you might be being a tad over-sensitive.

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