re Christmas Presents

[ninjinglebells]

Have a couple of AIBU - suspect in some ways I am but here goes ....

The background is that ExH and I separated this year so this is the frst Chrsimas apart. I stayed at his on Chrsitmas eve and we had Christmas lunch together and we then went to my family later. We have 2 DD's 8 and 3

1. I got ExH (with the help of the DDs) a photo calender and mug with pictures of the kids and him on, DD also went out me and bought him some chocolate (her choice). When he opened this on Christmas day he just turned to me and said 'I haven't got you anything'. DD1 was really upset that she hadn't got me anything :( It really could have been something from the pound shop or the charity shop (that's what I've had for the last 2 occasions, prompted by me) but AIBU to think that he could at least have helped DD1 to get me a little something.

2. I got DD1 Harry Potter Lego for Christmas, some new and a lot I made from half-complete sets on ebay which I then supplimented, adapted etc - it took me HOURS (probably 20 in all) I also helped my sister make a castle from her lego and collected together figures etc as her present. I did all this in early November but about 5 mins after I finished making it and clearing up (it really was that close!) ExH and DD1 came into the house unexpectedly to collect the rest of ehr lego and take it to his house. I didn't know she wanted to do this and he didn't know about the HP stuff.

Of course when she opened her Lego from me ExH suggested she should take it all to his as that's where her lego is. I feel like I've spent all my time and money on this. I've also built her a cabinet to keep it on to keep it safe (which just won't happen at his) AIBU to think she should keep my present at mine (think I possibly am but ...)

Background to 2) is that he get a double portable DVD player for DD1 which there's no way he'd let her keep in my car! He actually took our portable DVD player (and the house one) when he left and won't even let me buy it back so that I have one!

I don't see why you can't split the lego? It doesn't all have to be together all the time does it?

And it was mean that your Ex didn't buy you something from your children, BUT he didn't need to buy you a gift and you can't expect that level of thoughtfulness from an ex. NEXT year, take your children out with you shopping, let them choose something for you, let them wrap it/hide it. Write your Ex out of the equation. Also, tell your children that if they want to buy something for daddy then he will have to take them out to buy it... or maybe a grandparent coud help? This isn't your job anymore.

YANBU.

Certainly split the Lego. Its easy to do. My eldest (also 8) has some upstairs (his precious precious booty) and some downstairs (the more general stuff).

Thanks - it just seemed to me to be polite, especially as I was at his house, to have something for me to open. As I say more for the kids than me.

I wouldn't split the Lego. If he wants to buy some for his children then he can. I'd keep the items you've bought at your house so that she can play with it when she's at your home.

I don't expect my ex to buy me presents. If I want something from ds then I'll send him into a shop with some money.

In regards to number 1) I think YANBU but perhaps...unrealistic, I guess is the word? Your ex is an ex...I think he was thoughtless don't get me wrong - but it's really not your respective jobs to buy each other presents any more.

In regards to number 2), I think you are potentially BU. The gift was given to your child. The gift should go where your child wants it to go. If it is that your ex wants the lego at his house, then that's not on - but if your son wants to play with it at his dad's...well, I think that's his choice to make personally :)

Guess I've got a lot to learn, it just seemed to be good manners to buy something for him and certainly something from the kids - I will continue to do so but not expect it to be reciprocated.

I know IABU about the lego if she does choose to take it there (she seems happy keeping it here atm :) )

RE the Lego YANBU Lego doesn't need to all be kept together and surely she'll want some at both homes so she always has some to play with. Why not tell her you're really glad she likes the pressie and how much you enjoy playing with it with her.

1. I took DC to buy presents for ex-H, he didn't do the same, tbh it was only when I read your op that it occured to me that he hadn't! They brought calendars and cards that they'd made at school home and I kept those, plus they spend more time with me so I don't really feel I need presents from them if that makes sense.

1. I think you should discuss with ex-H how things will work in the future. Either what you buy stays at yours and vice versus, or else you agree that your DDs can take ANY of their presents anywhere...which means he will have to agree for your DD1 to take her DVD player back and forth between houses if she wants to. If he's not prepared to let her bring her presents from him, then she leaves her things from you at your house.

Overall, I think you've done very well to be amicable enough to sort Christmas out together. Parents who can get on well are worth far more to your DDs than lego or DVD players, so take pride in managing that and try to let the smaller things go to keep things amicable.