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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel a little bit left out?

24 replies

Pigglesticks · 29/12/2011 08:24

My DD is 12 weeks and (so far) is very easy to look after. She sleeps for 8-10 hours each night, naps well during the day and has not yet been ill. I wouldn't change my cheerful little bundle for the world, but do struggle to join in with conversations with other mums. I often sound like I'm boasting when asked to describe my DD!

It's a nice problem to have, in some ways, do please do feel free to tell me if IABU!

OP posts:

happynew2012 · 29/12/2011 08:27

Ah bless you

Enjoy it while it lasts as it can easily change when teething kicks in

Although my dd slept through at 8 weeks she was a pita at bedroom from age 1 through to age 5

Sirzy · 29/12/2011 08:27

Enjoy it while it lasts!

There will be times when things aren't as easy (unfortunately!) and you will need to advice/help/support from the friends!

quirrelquarrel · 29/12/2011 08:28

1st world problem?

-1st world problem?

duvetdayplease · 29/12/2011 08:28

When everything was utterly shit with my youngest, I used to cry when people told me tales of babies like yours.

If everything is so rosy, maybe you could find someone who is struggling and give them a hand?

Whatever you do, don't say stuff like this at baby groups, it's soul-destroying for those whose babies have reflux, colic, weight issues, health scares, feeding battles, sleep problems...

YABU to 'feel left out'. Having a hellish time with a baby is not a club you want to be in.

duvetdayplease · 29/12/2011 08:30

I read that back & I sound a bit Grinch-y, so I should add congrats on your baby and hope all carries on smoothly!

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2011 08:32

Don't worry, it may well change! I remember saying to DH at about that age (dd, not me) that maybe we had the one baby who slept, and that if I could keep going with the 7 hrs sleep a night I'd be fine. Haha, hello 4 month sleep regression!

If people with tough sleepers asked I'd just say that she wasn't too bad at the mo but that I knew that could change. You may find they are over exaggerating to avoid sounding smug.

All babies are different, most I know tended to sleep well in the early days then once developmental changes and leaps appeared it all changed. One close friend had a 14 hr a nighter from about 3 wks, however this led to weight issues as he was missing all the fatty night feeds (breastfed), so it was a blessing in disguise for her. He is now an atrocious sleeper at 16 months.

Dd was an awesome sleeper, then an atrocious one, now back to pretty good on the whole...touch wood, it all changes week to week I'm afraid!

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2011 08:34

Sorry, meant the complete opposite of blessing in disguise for his weight issues, ignore me!

LePruneDeMaTante · 29/12/2011 08:36

You just have to keep quiet, and if you ever do have to say things are going great, you always add: 'it seems to me that it has nothing much to do with anything we've done! I bet the next one's really different.' (This is true btw.)

Recently I watched someone who had two children like yours going through all the things she thinks she did right. She honestly seemed to think she was amazing because she fed her children regularly and "gave" them regular naps, and they slept through from a few weeks. I was boggling, because really every parent I've known does these two totally basic things [grins] It wasn't funny however, as the woman she was talking to has been sleep deprived for a year and cried after she left.

ledkr · 29/12/2011 08:40

haha my dd2 slept 12 hours at 7 weeks.At 4 months she started to wake often untill recently at 10 months we had to do a spot of sleep training as she was up 5 times a night I was so glad id not made too much of the early luck.I said things like "well shes pretty good but im sure that will change" or "she sleeps well for now" it enabled me to talk about things easily when things did go wrong. You dont even need to boast,just be vague and ask about their babies.

NinkyNonker · 29/12/2011 08:40

Haha at "giving" them naps. Tell that to my gorgeous dd who past about 4 months would only sleep on me, hence my obsession with wraps. She now naps very well, but that is nowt to do with me!

CailinDana · 29/12/2011 08:42

Those first few months are odd, IMO. Most of the mums you meet with babies around your DD's age are still in the newborn fog and are more than likely not tuned in to ordinary life again yet. My DS wasn't a good sleeper but he was a laid back baby and I felt the same as you in some ways - all the other mums were complaining constantly and talking endlessly about their babies and I just wanted to have a cuppa and be normal for a while. It took some time but I think at about 6 months most of the mums emerged from the fog and there were no more fraught conversations about poo and bedtimes.

I met some new mums when DS was tiny and didn't like most of them at first but once they became less obsessed with their pfbs they became much more fun and likeable. I think I felt left out because I have over 60 cousins all younger than I so I grew up with babies left right and centre. None of what was happening with DS was new to me, I'd seen it all before, and though of course it was different having my own son I just go so bored with the hand-wringing and non-stop baby talk. Now that DS is a year, poo and sleep are sometimes mentioned but chat is mostly about other more interesting things!

LePruneDeMaTante · 29/12/2011 08:43

I know, ninkynonker. I tried "giving" dc naps, of course I did, but gave up when I realised it was slightly beyond my CONTROL

duvetdayplease · 29/12/2011 08:43

I would have been the one who left in tears!

I think it is like speaking to someone going thru divorce cos their husband shagged their best friend - you just listen. You don't bang on about how lucky you are your husband has always been faithful, can't love you more, blah blah blah cos it's just insensitive.

When you know you're lucky you give silent prayers of thanks and gratefully give the floor to those who need it.

SuePurblybilt · 29/12/2011 08:47

You could be the lone mum who doesn't talk constantly about their birth story, the contents of pfb's nappy or their routine, in minute detail.
Never going to a baby group again

TeuchterInTheCity · 29/12/2011 09:12

My DD was the same for the first year, slept 12 hours a night and napped well. At 12 weeks I was a bit bored as she always seemed to be asleep and my house was immaculate.

Now she's 2 she's in bed with us more often than not at night and we have had all sorts of sleep problems! I just kept my mouth shut at baby groups and concentrated on other things, feeding, weaning etc.

zimm · 29/12/2011 11:56

I could have written your post when dd was that age.I felt I was not earning my new mum stripes. Then it all went to he'll at four month sleep regression and now at sixteen months she is still the worst sleeper in the NCT group. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Letchlady · 29/12/2011 21:06

My first was a nightmare... but with my second I could have written your post. She was just so chilled, laid back, rarely cried easy going child that I never felt I could ever participate in baby conversations with her, otherwise I just sounded smug. But actually, she was just such an easy child. Now, 5 years on, she is still just such an easy, chilled, laid back child . DD1 on the other hand....

Cherriesarelovely · 29/12/2011 21:12

Just count your blessings and don't speak too soon! Babies go through alot of different phases and you may well be able to join in with your more stressed friends sooner than you thought. My DD was "easy" most of the time when she was little but I had bad PND so those first few months were incredibly difficult. It was fabulous once the PND lifted though. 9 years on she is the easiest, calmest, most gorgeous girl.....so now I am imagining it all going tits up during the teenage years!!!!!!

Bunnyjo · 29/12/2011 21:20

DD slept through from 5wk... Until she got to 5mth, then all hell broke loose and she was 3 before she finally slept through again!

DS was down to one night feed a night. Then, when he was 15wk old, I was rushed into hospital and had emergency surgery (cholecystectomy as I had a gallbladder infection, which then started leaking and gave me peritonitis) DS was breastfed and came into hospital with me. Literally 3 days after I was discharged, we were rushed into hospital with him and the paediatricians suspected bacterial meningitis. He had a lumbar puncture and was on IV fluids and antibiotics. Thankfully he had contracted rotavirus from being in hospital with me so, whilst he was very sick, we were so relieved he didn't have meningitis... But since then he hasn't slept more than 2hrs without waking. He is now 7mth old and I am utterly exhausted.

Very of your sleeping baby :)

Dozer · 29/12/2011 21:22

Bunnyjo · 29/12/2011 21:23

DS was breastfed should read DS is breastfed.

skybluepearl · 29/12/2011 22:01

enjoy all the sleep. they all have their good points

champagnevanity · 29/12/2011 22:14

My baby is 12 weeks and not sleeping through the night! Off back to work soon, going to be soo tired. AARGHGHG FFS is what i feel like screaming at the min,

Other than that, she's a good baby, very laid back, ect, so silver lining and all that!

ceebeegeebies · 29/12/2011 22:17

Some babies just are easy to look after You sound like you realise that you are lucky (rather than it being all down to you ) but definitely make the most of it and enjoy it

DS1 slept through at 4 weeks old and has never really been a problem sleeper since (once he is asleep - actually staying in bed in the evening was a problem for a couple of years). He napped well and was just a joy to have around as a baby - I had a friend whose baby was a month younger than mine and they really struggled due to her DS having undiagnosed silent reflux - she has since admitted that she used to cry after time spent with me in the early days, not because I bragged about DS1 (I didn't) but just because it was obvious I was not suffering as she was

Btw, me and DH were worried that baby no 2 would be a complete shock to the system as everyone said we couldn't be that lucky twice - we were DS2 arrived and, although he didn't sleep through till 10 weeks, he would, and still does, drift off to sleep without any problems. He is now 3.1, and I can count on 1 hand the number of times he has woken up in the night since he was 10 weeks old - he is totally amazing at sleeping Mind you, he can be grumpy as hell most of the time so we have not got away completely scot-free .

However, we are stopping at 2 so as not to push our luck too much

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