to consider making us skint so i can take longer maternity leave?

[MeconiumHappens]

Am now working out maternity leave and have to decide how long to take. I'm the main earner in our family so our household income would take quite a dip when im on maternity. Hve always just assumed i would take the 9 months option where some money comes in. Now im faced with putting dates on paper im not so sure.

We would be relatively comfy if i take 9 months. If i take the full year it will be a bit of a squeeze but would be able to afford the essentials (mortgage etc), but very little money to spare for every day things. (This is baby no 1 so we're used to having money for every day dwindling) Still, depite financially it being more logical to go back after 9 months, i had a mini meltdown today (ahh wonderful pregnancy hormones!) at the idea of handing over an 8 month old baby to the parents and going back to work :( 8 months seems so little.

Would it be unreasonable to aim for skint and home above the more 'sensible' (!?!) option of going back sooner. It would put more pressure on OH to bring home the bacon (self employed so more pressure/less reliability) but he says i should do whatever i think best.

WWYD?

Well, I assume that you can extend it to the full year nearer the time, so I would not set anything in stone right now.

FWIW I found leaving a 9 month old impossible and actually quit my job. By the time my DD was 15 months she seemed much less baby-like and I was beginning to need something outside of the home; there was a big difference between and baby and a toddler. I also think there's some sort of psychological watershed once they turn 1.

You may not feel that way though.

Try to save where you can for the next 8 months. Put your CB away. When I was on mat leave I saved tons of money by going to the supermarket and buying all the cut cost bits just before they closed, got really into it in a sad way! Also, you have time to make meals etc from scratch so will save money by avoiding the more convenient options. Get your sky package cut to the basic one. Oh, and when I was off I didn't use my car, DH used his as normal but I walked everywhere! Saved quite a bit on petrol. Could you look at your mobile phone useage? All this seems trivial but if you do it over your 'comfy' months then you might just manage during your last 3 months. Good luck.

You can leave your return date flexible now - tell your employers that you will be off for 12 months and decide nearer the time (if you do want to return earlier, you need to give them 8 weeks notice). Also, don't forget that you still accrue holiday whilst on maternity leave so you may be able to technically extend your maternity leave by returning to full pay but being on holiday instead.

Fwiw, I went back to work when DS1 was 6 months old (this was 6 years ago when maternity pay was only for 6 months) and it was fine although obviously heartbreaking to leave him at nursery at that age - but he coped and doesn't seem to have scarred him for life

And if you buy all your baby bits from boots and collect your points from now on, you will have loads of points, perhaps enough for the basics during your last 3 months.

I had no choice but to go back after 6 months and put DS2 into nursery. So far so good. Being younger has meant fewer settling in issues. I won't pretend I found it easy to drop him off and no doubt DM reader types people we know secretly make cat bum faces at the idea. But you do what you have to do. There will always be someone disapproving, telling you you're wrong etc. If you don't have to decide straight away maybe leave it and see how you feel / how things are finanially at the time.

I took a year with Ds and will do so again with dc2 due in May as luckily we are able to do so as dh is main earner. I agree with foxy that when ds was 8/9 months I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him but by the time he was 11/12months I was happier about it. Partly because he was then fully mobile, eating solids better so less bf (at 8/9 mths he was still bf every 2hrs in the day as he refused solids) and engaging more with other babies/toys etc so I felt that he would start to get some benefit from being around other children (he's at nursery).

Don't forget you can use your accrued annual leave to extend ml both before & after - that's what I did so I was off for 13mths in total but only 12mths ml. So even if you did have to go back after 9mths of ml then you could have c 10mths off in total so your
Dc would be that bit older.

Bear in mind that while some mothers do find it very hard to go back, many many parents are much happier returning to work than being at home all day with a baby; people react very differently. Be as non-committal as you can re return dates and just see how you feel. Good that you have the support of your OH - if you have to tighten belts for a few more months then you'll manage as long as you're in it together.

I think you've got to do what feels right for your family's situation. If you can still afford to pay all the bills without worry for the last 3months, then perhaps that's best for you.

Personally I'm having to back to work in January, my daughter will be turning 4mo. It's not what I had planned or what I want at all, but my DP has been unable to pick up consistent work since the company he worked for (for 12yrs) made everyone redundant. I just can't face the worry of not being able to pay the bills, so I'll have to go out to work while OH is the SAHP. I can see people screwing up their faces when told this, but it'd be irresponsible of me to let us lose our house.

I went back when DD was 18 weeks as I was bored shitless. I thought I'd be dragged kicking and screaming back at 9 months.

I had DS and took slightly longer but honestly there's no telling how you'll feel right now.

Well I am planning to do what you are suggesting for another 18 months and I already have an 18 mo. Totally skint. No luxuries, no new clothes, ebaying old stuff to buy new (made nearly £3k), nct sales for DD, coupon searching, points collecting, claiming tax refunds (£2.2k), selling 2nd car, selling cds & dvds, meal planning, only holidays are to GPs etc. Your child is only little once just do it.

I took 6 months paid, 6 months smp and then 1 month unpaid. It was ok as we did what folks on here have said, saved, economised and went without while we still had 2 good salaries. It was good for us, I didn't like leaving ds but was ready for a change. But you never know, you may need a change long before I did. I'd make (financial) plans to extend your maternity leave, then when the time comes you can choose what feels best for you all.

Like Kelly my oh has lost his job and I will have to return to work before my LO is 4 months old. It's not ideal but the alternative is that we can't pay our mortgage and would lose our home. If you can afford to take the extra time off and you would like to then why not? Three months isn't a long time to have to tighten your belts a bit.

I am going to take the full year and we will be totally skint. I originally planned to take 9 months (the paid bit) but kept my options open and put in my letter I wanted to take a year. I saved a bit during pregnancy and plan to use that to help pay bills etc where my dh's money won't stretch that far. I think even if we end up in a bit of debt we can pay it back eventually - and I don't want to regret not spending as much time as possible with dd. I worry too that iabu but luckily have a very supportive dh.

I thought I'd be wanting to stay at home for 9 months at least but DS is now 4 months and I've asked my emplyer if I can go back in March. I love him to bits but I need to go back! Its quite lonely and very hard to look after a small child all day on my own esp as DH leaves at half 7 and returns 12 hours later. So as someone else says, play it by ear.

I agree with the others who suggest using annual leave, I've used mine to help me have 11 months off altogether with only about a week unpaid after smp ended.

Also when the time comes see what HR can do - my firm enabled me to work 1 day a week for the last 2 months to make my annual leave stretch a bit further - I made sure and used all 10 Kit days.
It hasn't been easy and as I am also the higher salary DH has had to pick up extra shifts most weeks, but for me its been worth it.
There's no hurry for you to commit yourself though, just remember you have to give 8 weeks notice if you decide to return earlier than 12 months.

See how it goes and have a great year.

Thanks for the replies, all really useful perspectives. I think in my heart of heart i want to take the full year (would just not go back if money was no object but unfortunately lotto not my forte!) but am scared of being really skint, not managing as im not a great saver, bit of a dwindler of money and manage to blow my wages on nothing so will be a real culture shock to have to plan and be really careful with money. Also feel like pregnancy is going by really fast and all good intentions to save have just not happened, hind sight is a wonderful thing isnt it! Realistically i have no debts/credit cards etc so am not in a terrible position, just a bit daunted by it all, plus DH is self employed, doing okay although earning not a great deal (probably peanuts in the mumsnet grand scheme!) but also the lack of guaranteed income freaks me out a bit.
i think what lindsell said about feeding really hits home with me too, a litle 8 monther, still on the boob, versus leaving a year old baby who can drink milk from the moo just feels different and more comprehendable.

Funny old business, having babies. I already feel guilty about leaving a baby who hasnt even been born!

I went back when DD 6 months, wish oh how I wish I could have waited but I ha already deferred the start of my degree. As of this month income we are going to start an economy drive to ensure that I can take a year (6 months unpaid) for the next child, whenever that may be. It is possible to cut outgoings a lot, time to bake and cook, shop wisely and grow veg too, look at it as a challenge to sav money between now and they baby. Also, so many things I said we would do without as DD didn't 'need' them, now realise I was perhaps a bit too much of a skinflint and I wish she had haf sooner.

If you can get by, then do it. You will never regret spending more time with your child. I am on mat leave with DC2 and went part time after DC1 two years ago. When I get to the end of Stat mat pay we will be v skint, but I can't bear the thought of leaving a baby less than a year old at nursery. Due to DH's hours being cut, I was nearly having to go back when she was 4 months old and spent 48 hours crying!

Don;t forget, you may well be entitled to working tax credits too.

Oh and my 17 month old is still exclusively breastfed, flatly refused bottles and is intolerant to moo juice. Until she was 15 months I used to go in and feed her every lunchtime, i lost so much weight walking to drop her off, back to work, back to nursery, back to work, back to nursery and then back home.

ah, working tax credits. Something i know absolutely nothing about but will look into! Also i would get child benefit i assume. Anyone know how much that is? I guess its saving little bits here and there and them counting in stuff like child benefit that make it doable.

the weight loss sounds great slowburner but the rest sounds like a nightmare, must have been really stressful for you.
Ps, been reading the mumsnet guide to babies on kindle tonight and recognise your name from some words of wisdom on there!

take a year off. your child is only little once

ME? I can't imagine I've contributed anything to anyone!

yep definately you slowburner haha you are officially published!