Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To not pick up the baby?

49 replies

HappyGooYear · 28/12/2011 19:49

She is one.

She screams and cries when she wakes up.

If I go in and pick her up, she shushes, sucks her thumb and starts to go to sleep.

When I put her down she screams like a banshee.

Eventually I get to the point where she cries herself to sleep.

This could be 6 minutes after she starts, or it could be 3 hours if I go in and comfort her.

I am feeling super shit ATM as she is crying and crying, but I do not want to spend all night in a dark room.

So do I leave her, or do I go in there and make her feel better for 10 minutes until I put her down again and she screams again.

OP posts:

griphook · 28/12/2011 20:15

i have a 18 month old who does the same thing, but the crying hurts my head, so now we compromise, i sit in his room on the laptop till he goes to sleep, and over time i'm getting futher out the room. He used to self settle but after a chet infection he stopped. Tried crying he cried for 4 hours till I gave in, sitting in the room works for me, it might work for you, he also goes to sleep much quicker.

maryz · 28/12/2011 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lukewarmMulledWhine · 28/12/2011 20:29

I figure the less total crying the better, so yes, I would go with the controlled crying.

Dd2 was the same at about 11 months - 3 hours of on/off screaming if I tried to be 'nice', about 19 mins of total crying once I did CC (2 min + 4 + 6 + 7 then she slept). Second night took less (about 10 mins in total), then no prob after that. Still had 5am wake ups for another 6 months though!

She basically just wanted to be left alone to sort it out herself, and not have me fiddling around/jiggling/trying to sit with her etc etc. Leaving your child to cry is a very emotive issue, but as a mother I think you can tell when it's actually the best thing to try, and when it's too much.

NinkyNonker · 28/12/2011 20:32

I agree, you know your child. DD isn't the type to need a little grizzle before sleep, if she cries she works her way up to absolute hysteria which obviously is something best avoided!

Original poster

HappyGooYear · 28/12/2011 20:36

maryz that is exactly it! If I go in to her, the clock starts again!

She is asleep now :)

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/12/2011 20:41

DD is exactly like this. Hysterical crying if I go in, settle for hours than try to leave. I did CC in the end (modified for my tender heart, never more than four minutes) . She cried a tiny amount compared to bloody shush/pat.

banana87 · 28/12/2011 20:47

I would chalk it up as being a phase and going with it, so probably would co sleep so it was less stressful on both of us.

ILoveSanta · 28/12/2011 20:54

Leave her as long as she is safe and there is nothing wrong with her other than wanting a cuddle. Turn up the tv and have a cuppa! It's tough!

KD0706 · 28/12/2011 21:31

Will she go to sleep in your arms if you cuddle her? Could you go in and hold her till she's asleep? Sorry if you've already covered that.

Pishtushette · 28/12/2011 21:43

My DD started doing this when I went back to work. So I would bring her into the lounge/living room/front room until she went to sleep and then put her back to bed. She was always tired so she would fall asleep pretty quickly. It took less than a week before I could put her to bed normally again.

I'm not one for controlled crying either. (I know it works for some people and I'm not criticising their choice).

I hope you find a solution soon.

olgaga · 28/12/2011 21:49

She just wants some comfort. Don't deny her. Babies don't know or care what time it is, or what you're missing on the TV, or that you haven't had any sleep for a while.

There's really nothing manipulative or deliberate about it - she's way too young for that.

WhiteTrash · 28/12/2011 21:52

Its so hard, you feel damned if you do and damned if you dont. I hope you find a solution.

In the mean time I have a book called 'No cry-sleep solution." I havent read it (not sure why?!) but I hear its very good.

Best of luck.

Pishtushette · 28/12/2011 21:54

I've just re-read your post and realised I totally ignored what you said.

When DD used to wake in the night we used to bring her in to our bed. Eventually she stared sleeping through (mostly) before she was 2. I know this doesn't work for everyone but I couldn't do CC and it was easier (for us) than the suggestions in the No Cry book.

gallicgreetings · 28/12/2011 21:56

Mine is like this some nights. If she's settling in my arms but screaming when I put her down and there are no other reasons, then after about the third attempt, I tend to bring her into bed with me. It doesn't seem to affect her going to sleep ok at other times.

Mind you tonight, she has been screaming off and on since 8pm. Pours huge

MamaMaiasaura · 28/12/2011 22:02

I'd cuddle her (actually I'd have her cosleeping) my eldest ds1 is on his own bed tho

tigerlillyd02 · 28/12/2011 22:08

I feel for you after experiencing this with DS. He's always cry himself to sleep. This could take anything up to 20 mins. I HATED it, seriously and my stomach would churn the whole time and I'd be pacing the floors.

To being with I would try and sooth him myself but whenever he saw or heard me the screaming would get worse and could go on for hours. I tried all sorts of methods including the pick up / sooth / put down, just sitting in the room, making shhh noises, patting back etc. But every one meant hours of crying rather than (up to) 20 mins so in the end I left him to it. Didn't make it easier in terms of stress for those 20 mins but meant it was only 20 mins rather than 3 hours. Once he went off, he slept all night.

Avenged · 28/12/2011 22:11

I used to put mine down and any time they cried either me or DH would go to the bottom of the stairs and talk loudly to them. All they wanted was to hear our voices so they knew that we hadn't left them.

Some children will be great and settle easily like our 2 did and some will howl until they're picked up and cuddled, but then every single child is different so it'll take different tactics to settle each one.

tigerlillyd02 · 28/12/2011 22:14

That was supposed to be "to begin with"

By the way, he is 2.1 now and has slept extremely well, if not too much since around 14 months. Between 6 and 10/11 months he was a screamer for going to sleep and I spent all that time trying all the different methods I read up about. From then until about 14 months I left him to it and then he either outgrew it or finally realised it was sleep time and it wasn't working.

I don't know, but it does pass.

goldbow · 28/12/2011 22:17

Put her in the cot and hold her hand, stroke her until she sleeps. This too will pass. please don't let her cry it out

maryz · 28/12/2011 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goldbow · 28/12/2011 22:23

Good to hear that since two of mine especially DD3 are were rubbish at sleeping.

lisalisa · 28/12/2011 22:27

Hi happygoyear - only read your op but mine is also one and I have hte same issues. I do mostly leave her to cry after initially going in to check she has her dummy /is not cold or hot/ no legs and arms in cot bars etc. I pick her up first to make sure she doesn't need to burp or doesn't have tummy ache or anything else wrong ( like you do too). If all ok and she just nestles back to sleep in my arms I cuddle her for a while and then put her back. She will usually settle after about 3 or 4 mins crying - can be hard cryign ( of the " pick me back up " variety or moaning . If it goes on longer or is intermittent I know I need to go back as could be something bothering her. Happened tonight that after sleeping 2 horus she woke at 9 and wouodn't settle. Had tummy ache so cuddled for a whilet until gripey type movement and grimacing stopped then back in cot. Cried for 2 mins and slept

Tryharder · 28/12/2011 22:36

YABU. I wouldn't leave a baby to scream, personally. I

Crabapple99 · 28/12/2011 22:49

loads of advice for you to choose from here, there isn't a right or wrong, just do what you are comfotable with. It wounf't last fro ever, Best wishes

Flip

1 2