to think that children should not jump on the furniture

[onthebus]

So we (me, DH and 2 DC) were round at my parents' house on Christmas day. Also present were my brother SiL and their 2 DC.

Due to space, during lunch, the 4 children (aged 4-8) were seated at a separate table in the lounge, the adults were at a table in the adjoining dining area (so we could see the DC and they could see us).

During lunch, my 2 DC sat reasonably quietly and ate their meals. My brother and SiL's DC ran about, jumped on the sofa and climbed over the tables and chairs. At no point did my brother or SiL do anything to stop them. My parents (who tiptoe round SiL for fear of being accused of "interfering") looked a bit worried for their furniture but also said nothing. After about 10 minutes of this, DD (who knows better) decided she might as well copy her cousins and got onto the sofa. Whereupon DH told her in no uncertain terms that she should get straight off and go back and sit at the table. Which she did.

At this point, SiL rather ineffectually "suggested" to her DC that they should also get down and eat their meals. They both sat down for approximately 10 seconds and then got up and started jumping about again. She then said rather vaguely to the rest of us "I guess they are just that age where they climb on the furniture, they love jumping on the sofa at home". WTF!!! AIBU to think that climbing on the furniture/jumping on the sofa is not an acceptable behavioural phase, but something that should be discouraged at every turn. Or have I missed some alternative universe where it is actually ok in some circumstances ...?

Trampolines are for jumping, furniture is not designed to be jumped on, it breaks

My chilldren (now 16 and 14) know that I will be jumping on their furniture, as soon as they are old enough to have their own - only fair cos they jumped on mine...........

chickflick no way! My parents would've hit the roof! The DC have plenty of toys and they don't need to be using my furniture as a climbing frame. But there, we're all different.

I jumped on my mum's bed when I was about 5 despite being repeatedly told not to. One 80's wooden headboard and a split lip later...I didn't do it again!

It's the same in families across the land-different parenting styles and standards clashing at christmas. Our issue with our nephews is the way their parents allow them to speak to them and their grandparents. I find it particularly shocking when nothing is said when the parents are in earshot. But the dn's know better than to speak to me and dh like that and our older two (dd2 is a bit Pre speech but I think she coos politely) would get a rocket. I think we're probably seen as a bit mean and strict, but as yet ours are more confident in social situations do we'll stick to our guns. They are kinder and more tolerant than we are and i learn a lit in that way. However, over the years we've learnt to keep our rules for our children, support the gps with their standards and wishes and leave the others pretty much to it. And dd sometimes says "but x is allowed" and the response is along the "all families are different" lines. So so hard not to say anything though.

If that is the worst thing to happen at your christmas then I think you have done quite well.

I don't see how it is your business. It is up to your parents to say it is unacceptable just as you would to kids coming to play at your house. I think you need to chill out about it, there are far worse things people can do.

My DS jumps on the sofa all the time and it's rare that the cushions are on the sofa as they are normally building blocks for whatever he is making at that time.

However, it is an old sofa and he wouldn't dream of doing that in someone else's house

I'm really not that bothered re the odd sofa/bed jump.

But absolutely not during meals esp not Xmas dinner. That is bang out of order!!! Think you will have years of nightmare meals with SIL and her kids with her attitude.

I don't let mine jump around on the furniture, or eat in the sofa. It pees me off no end when others offer their children chocolate etc while on my sofa

Our dc are teenagers now. Fortunately SIL1 and her dc live on another continent. They visited when ds was almost five and dd one and a half. It was the worst two weeks of my life. Her ds was uncontrolled, violent and destructive.

He bounced all over our furniture, swung on curtains and threw things. SIL did nothing, absolutely nothing to set a boundary or chastise him. MIL also sat and watched. There were two sets of rules for the children from different branches of the family.

For years afterwards our dc kicked off when the ILs visited because of it. It's something we are not allowed to talk about. Up until then MIL said often what a lovely mother I was - never since - because to do so would imply SIL's parenting leaves a lot to be desired.

SIL now has three dc and they visited a couple of summers ago. I am afraid I made it very clear that they would not be staying here. I am aware that her eldest has had huge behavioural problems at school, that BIL gave up work to be a househusband because SIL wouldn't discipline the dc, etc..

Some of it I think is because neither of them like work or have ever worked and saved for anything decent and therefore they don't value anybody else's efforts, possessions or home.

I wish I had put my foot down harder at the time and said something rather than keeping it buttoned and letting it fester.

If I were you I would make sure you have Christmas lunch at your next year and perhaps visit in the afternoon - or persuade SIL to do it so you all go to her - if she doesn't mind her children disrespecting someone else's home, presumably she's happy for it to happen in her own.

No, of course you're NBU. It's doubly rude to let your children do this on someone else's furniture.

And it's obviously not just out of respect for property and not breaking chairs and so on - it can be really dangerous. I don't 'let' DS1 bounce on the sofa, but he was, nonetheless, doing just that the other day. When I came in and told him to GET OFF, he bounced round a bit more and then landed smartly on the top of his head. On a hard wooden floor. He was fine, but at not-quite 4, I suspect he's not yet old enough to learn from that. Hope springs eternal, though.

We do not jump on the furniture at the work house and I know a lot of my friends also do not allow children to jump/stand on their furniture however one of my best friends allows the children to do so at her house, helping them to make obstacle courses, jumping on the double bed etc but the kids love it!

I dont let mine jump on the furntiure. I dont actually mind a bit of jumping, I know its fun but it doesnt ever stop there.

If I let mine have a jump about it would all go menkle pretty quickly and end in tears.

Besides, I know have a lovely pink sofa with Butterflies on in so they are lucky they get to plant their sticky little selves on it at all

I used to let mine jump on my bed when we lived in a tiny flat with hardly any space inside or out. However, now we've got a bigger place (and they are much bigger!) I'm constantly catching them still at it and having to remind them they can go in the garden if they want to mess about !! I would certainly not let them do it at other people's and definitely not when you are all trying to enjoy your meal.

I don't like it when my boys jump all over the furniture, I'm constantly telling them not to do it but the message hasn't got through yet!

Mil actively encourages jumping on the furniture but it always ends in tears...

I think it might be a boy thing. I didn't find dive-bombing off the sofa into the fireplace fun when I was younger!

We have a strict no jumping or clumbing on the sofa rule with no exceptions. I find it completely unecessary.

YANBU. They should have waited after dinner to bounce, and you, as the hosts, get to jump on the furniture first, in order to demonstrate what the limits of acceptability are, as regards velocity, height, and frequency of bounce, and length of turn.

Tut.

I was a very liberal parent in many ways but drew the line at random sofa jumping or general malarking about with the furniture. I had no issues with den building (what else is under the table for?) but routinely treating furniture like an adventure playground wasn't on. I still recall a friend of the dcs arriving, tearing off the loose covers on the sofa and hanging off the curtains. My dcs were positively aghast! And I'm afraid I (politely but firmly) point out that up with this sort of thing we did not put in our house.

Because actually, one of the really important things for children to learn is that different rules do apply in different houses. Neither my mother nor the PILS would have tolerated their houses being trashed. Admittedly, the PILS did have some unhelpful rules - no child was ever allowed to eat between meals even though there were times that a biscuit would have kept a toddler going cheerfully until the totally inflexible meal time arrived.

So no, YANBU. I also wonder just how much constructive attention some of these furniture trashers receive. Because most of the ones I've come across could have been easily diverted into a more positive activity. Just sighing, ineffectually, and doing nothing solves precisely nothing. Let alone help the children learn the basics of good manners.