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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make my children write thank you letters?

25 replies

TheAvocadoOfWisdom · 27/12/2011 09:50

Honestly, you'd think I was torturing them. This year I am trying to make the pain shorter than previous years. One child writes, the other plays, then they swap over. You'd think that DS1 would twig that if he screws up the paper repeatedly and has time out, that DS2 gets lots of play and he takes extra long to produce a letter. DS1 has not yet twigged. 45 minutes to produce letter number one from DS1. Then DS2 sat down and did 5, one after the other. DS1's second letter writing session produced 1 letter and only one scribbled-on attempt, and was 10 minutes. 4 more to go for DS2, 7 more for DS1.

OP posts:

Seona1973 · 27/12/2011 09:55

we dont do thank you letters (apart from our neighbour who unexpectedly handed presents in for the kids for the first time in 11 years) - we thank people at the time or verbally/by text/facebook afterwards

jimswifein1964 · 27/12/2011 09:57

I'm loving it now ds is old enough to just do them! Currently in a no-trauma phase of letter writing!

Megatron · 27/12/2011 09:58

YANBU at all. My kids always send them. I've tried to make it easier this year (for me!) by getting little cards that have very little room to write on so they have to be short! I know not everyone thinks they are necessary and I am probably old fashioned, and that's fair enough, but I think it's good manners.

Puffykins · 27/12/2011 09:59

YANBU. We always had to do them when we were younger. It's good manners, good letter writing/ hand writing practice, and makes the recipient happy. Your DS1 will undoubtedly get better at it, in time....

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:05

We always wrote thank you letters as kids, and I write them on behalf of my four year old now, but he writes his name on every one, puts kisses on them and does a drawing to put in each one.

I know other people disagree, but I personally think it is only good manners to write and thank relatives for gifts, and even though my son saw my parents and my brother and sis in law when he got his presents from them, he will still write to thank them.

It costs very little to write and thank people for their kindness, yet so often in the world of instant gratification people forget how nice it is to receive a letter in the post that someone has put thought and effort into - More so when it is from a child who has put in the effort!

I know there are a lot of MNetters who think it is old fashioned and unneccessary, but I for one think some old fashioned manners go a long way and perhaps if more of us remembered how nice it is to be on the receiving end of these little things (even holding doors open for others seems to be a dying art!) and did it just a little bit more, the world would be a nicer place.

We should all make time to think of others, and sending a thank you card shows that you have given that time to appreciate the thoughtfulness of your gift.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/12/2011 10:17

I don't, DS has SEN and wouldn't be able to.
My DSis does, except to her siblings. What I did notice though that her 5 DCS didn't say thank you for anything, it's as if they're so used to writing cards they don't need to say anything.
I gave my DN £35 between his birthday and Christmas and not a word.
So to me Thank you cards are associated more with parents showing off than polite children.

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:22

sauvingonBlanche the kids need to learn to say please and thank you as well, they learn it by seeing that's what adults do, and I notice a lot of adults don't say please or thank you for anything any more.

Comes back down to what I said in my post about old fashioned good manners!

Winkly · 27/12/2011 10:23

FWIW I genuinely don't like receiving them that much. Smacks of stuffy obligation. I'd rather a thanks at the time by text or phone, with a bit of feeling rather than the scent of a battle!

gettingeasier · 27/12/2011 10:23

Thankyou cards are more associated with parents showing off than polite children ? Right.

YANBU I make my DC do them even though its like pulling teeth

gettingeasier · 27/12/2011 10:24

ha ha at the scent of a battle

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 27/12/2011 10:26

YANBU
Notelets are your friend though, hardly any space to fill. Dear so and so, thank you for x, I will eat it/play with it, enjoy it when I do x and y, love child. Write them a template if necessary. But thank you letters are obligatory.

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:27

LOL scent of battle!!! I remember one Christmas my mum standing over my brother until he'd done them! Boys are definitely worse for these things, but still if you want to get presents you have to have the good manners to be grateful!

ILoveSanta · 27/12/2011 10:27

Love your template eric!

grumpycosalligotwaspants · 27/12/2011 10:29

yanbu. we sit down and do them together (older dcs; i write some, they write a cple and this year ds (6) managed to write a nice thank you card). Sometimes I do them and they sign/ add a note etc. A lot of our relatives are far away or elderly, and I know that they like getting letters. Plus, I am trying to get my dcs to grow up understanding that the world does not revolve around them, so they see me and dh get/ give presents; they choose for god parents etc, and they have to take a few minutes to write to say thank you. Or ring, and give their full attention on the phone, to some one to say thank you.

Megatron · 27/12/2011 10:30

How can a child writing a thank you letter be a parents way of showing off? I don't get that at all. It's just one of those things, some people deem them a nice thing to do, some don't.

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:30

How to do it the painless way ...

Get on the computer. Either copy and paste an image (xmas tree or silly image or photo of child or what ever) and add thankyou waffle underneath. Then print, repeat and personalise for each thankyou. Should take 30 mins max for all the cards.

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:31

I don't think thankyou cards are showing off - it's just politeness

skybluepearl · 27/12/2011 10:32

another painless way is getting child to phone the giver to say thankyou

Loobyloo1902 · 27/12/2011 10:33

YANBU although I think you have the patience of a saint. I think it's good for a respectful adult child relationship to acknowledge gifts.

Having said that, we would write them and my bloody mother would stuff them in a drawer and forget to post them. Grrrrr......

ClaraSage · 27/12/2011 10:36

My kids (18,15 and 11) email the the rellies of this generation and write cards to the G.parents.
These people have bothered to choose and pay for presents and should be thanked.

lottiegb · 27/12/2011 10:36

I think it's a good idea. I always wrote them as a child - rather like piano practice, this went through phases of enthusiasm and struggle but arrived at a well-developed, embedded skill - and older relatives still expect a note, or at least a phone call specifically to thank them.

With relatives far away, it was probably the one direct communication between me and them, as my mother will have written Christmas cards - adding my own news there might have been a good alternative but the thank-you is especially personal, relating to their thoughtfulness towards me.

I was always surprised that some similar-age relatives didn't write them. It felt as if we were a bit cut off from them, communication was mediated through their parents and they were being kept child-like and not allowed to grow up and develop their own identity and relationships.

I find the habit useful in adulthood. Just one of those little niceties that oils the wheels of social living.

ClaraSage · 27/12/2011 10:37

And they only need to write one line. One minute max.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/12/2011 10:38

You haven't met my sister Megatron, not in your MiILs league though.
BIlL drew up a list of who got what for their Thank you card list that they make them write but nobody who is not on the list of people they want to impress even gets their present acknowledged in any way.
For clarity I did say that this association was " for me" , thus demonstrating that I realise this is not always the case.

lottiegb · 27/12/2011 10:40

In a less harmonious moment, to do with inter-parental tension, I do remember being told that if I wasn't going to thank someone properly for a gift I should return it to them. That I think was not reasonable (but does lie somewhere at the basis of some people's expectations).

4madboys · 27/12/2011 10:47

yanbu, i have done as megatron has tho and bought SMALL cards so there isnt much space to write! as i have 5 (well 3 old enough to write and 2 old enough to scribble) they will all just have to write a little bit in each card!

tbh its nto worth the wrath of my mil if we DONT send them, she would go mental, everytime she visits she brings the boys £2 each from some random friend of hers from church (who we have never met) and the boys have to do thankyou notes or else she isnt happy. plus she is already cross as 'when she was checking of her xmas card list (yes she REALLY has a list of who sends her xmas cards nad ticks everyone off on it...) she realised she hadnt got one from us! i thought i had given it to her hwen she was here a few days before xmas, but apparently not and so not only did dp get a long phone call of moaning about that but dp's sisters has also sent me txt berating me for not sending mil a card as well!

so thankyou cards are purchased and will be writted today probably and we are also going to print out some photos of the boys and dd on xmas day and send them as well!

my kids may moan a bit but they know its polite, they phoned up gparents, aunts etc on xmas day as well to wish them a happy christmas and say thankyou for their presents.

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