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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find it annoying that PIL treat DS like a performing seal?

25 replies

Bethshine82 · 26/12/2011 23:57

Yes I probably am, they're just proud and if you've read my previous thread you'll see I have bigger problems I should be worrying about.

But it is so annoying! He's DS is two and all day yesterday and today they're constantly on at him:
'What colours this?'
'Show your dance to untie x'
'Sing jingle bells down to phone to ...'
'What shape is this?'
'Tell uncle x what number comes after three'

Etc etc etc. And after a bit DS gets pissed off and won't keep doing it. He's obviously thinking, I've already told you what colour / shape / number it is, why are you so stupid? Then he starts to whinge and they nag him some more. It's all about showing off to their friends and relatives, nice they want to show him off I suppose but give the kid a break! It's Christmas! He want to eat junk and play with toys! And no one else is that interested anyway!

That's it, that is all for my PIL inspired festive complaint for the year.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bethshine82 · 26/12/2011 23:58

Untie x? No one was tied up! Should have been auntie.

OP posts:

Crabapple99 · 26/12/2011 23:59

They are proud of him, and hopefully making him feel proud of himself, they need to unferstand they are going ott though, and it is getting counterproductive

Original poster

Bethshine82 · 27/12/2011 00:00

It's when they're asking him to do the same thing for the fifth time to a different relative that it makes me a bit 'argh!'

OP posts:

Crabapple99 · 27/12/2011 00:01

yep, definatly ott!

minimisschief · 27/12/2011 00:03

sounds normal to me

squeakytoy · 27/12/2011 00:18

YABU.. chill out a bit

Kids that age are just grasping things and to them repeating the same thing is fine.. it is how they learn. Yes, they get tired eventually, but there is only so much interaction that you can have with a 2yo and at least they are doing that.

maras2 · 27/12/2011 00:36

Hi Beth.Did you go and pick up your DP.after works do on Friday?Been thinking about it as my sister in a similar position next Friday though she doesn't have a 2 year old.

whethergirl · 27/12/2011 01:00

YANBU. This is a pet hate of mine. What is there to be gained from getting a child to peform in this way? Someone I know does this, he does it to just show off through his own child. It's so cringy to watch imo. Much better to just talk TO a child, not get them trained up for Mastermind.

mynewpassion · 27/12/2011 02:31

Sounds normal to me. We do that all the time with our nephews. Eventually they get tired of it and we get tired of it. Then we move on to other things.

Chill out.

tigerlillyd02 · 27/12/2011 02:50

[Hmm] I'm always getting DS to do these things, either to show my relatives or to capture on video. We go through the alphabet, naming words and sounds for each letter several times a day! He enjoys it though and loves the attention. I also turn these sorts of things into a game which can be played at any time of day - deciding what letter something like table for example begins with and making the 't' sound. I also get him singing every new song he learns to sing himself. I'd stop if he got annoyed or upset over it. It's just a proud mother / grandmother / aunt type thing in my opinion and the interaction certainly does no harm! My DS is 2.1 so probably at the age where you think "wow" of their every achievement.

mynewpassion · 27/12/2011 02:56

Forgot to add that we do this when we haven't seen them in a couple of weeks. We just like to see what new things/ words they have learned because we are very interested and excited in their development.

We bought them Leapfrog educational toys/tools to help stimulate their curiosity and their learning. We also bought them fun toys (tricycles, cars, fishing poles, etc). We as a family, from the parents, in laws to us, share in the same goal of giving them the best start.

Unlike you, my sister and her husband appreciate us, including ILs, taking in active role in helping their sons with their learning, playing, and development. They've said that they appreciate our interest in their sons rather than our indifference, which would be the most hurtful thing of all.

Spermysextowel · 27/12/2011 03:04

Wait till your nephews get a Zelda ocarina.

Tomorrowslookingfine · 27/12/2011 03:50

should a perrformance seal be treated this way?
just saying...

mathanxiety · 27/12/2011 04:09

I sympathise. If they are interested and like their grandchildren they are going the wrong way about showing it or encouraging them.

Maybe they need to see the grandchildren more so they can appreciate them as real, live little people and not wind-up toys of some sort?

Tell the PILs to stop boring the rellies and that the aunties, etc., have seen it all before.

2rebecca · 27/12/2011 04:47

I would tell them to just let him be himself and stop trying to make him do stuff as they wouldn't like it if they were treated like that and it's upsetting him. If they keep doing it I'd intervene and say "that's enough performing" and take him off to play away from them for a bit. It is meant well but sounds horrid for the child and your first duty is to look out for his feelings.
All relatives do this a bit with toddlers but if it's incessant it is horrible. They have to learn to just enjoy the moment with young kids and not keep trying to relive past cute moments.

whethergirl · 27/12/2011 12:15

I stand by what I said earlier. I remember reading a book by a speech therapist who said that she had seen many times how this kind of behaviour have actually damaged a child's learning (although I'm not saying this is the case here OP, these are kids who are subjected to it all the time by their own parents). There is a difference between demanding performances which are basically showcasing a child's abilities - and they are very aware of this - to just talking and interacting with a child which, if developing their learning abilities is ever a motive, is actually the best way to go about it.

How would you like it if everyone started saying to you "Show us your latest dance move, recite the latest song lyrics you've just learnt, names all the cities in the world, tell us what you've learnt from the latest book you've read..." These things may come up in conversation anyway, in a relaxed and interactive manner, but not with an audience sat there demanding to be entertained.

When I was in a similar situation when ds was younger, I would turn it into a joke, or say "No YOU sing Humptey Dumpty" or if I could see DS was getting fed up would say "He's not in the mood" or "Would you rather just play DS?"

At the end of the day OP, you are his mother, and if you don't like it, you don't have to put up with it.

whethergirl · 27/12/2011 12:21

A funny story, re the parent who would do this a lot to their own child, and would spend hours feeding the poor dd with info, and then asking for these facts to be recited later.

We were all going out for a walk when said parent said "DD, what is the sun made of?" (both our DS's were 4 at the time). My DS said "I know! I know! It's EGG" which I thought was a great. Other parent did not even crack a smile, and went on badgering his dd "Come on, remember what I told you? What two gases does the sun consist of?" And his DD replied "Tibia and Fibula."

Pekka · 27/12/2011 12:29

I do this with my friends' 19 month old. I honestly thought it's good for her learning :( When she gets bored we play ball or read or jump up and down.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2011 17:13

Whethergirl, something like that actually happened to me as an adult, when I first went to the US and during the course of a conversation with an American who considered herself to be 'Irish' I innocently revealed to her that Irish is a bona fide language and not just English with a heavy accent. She immediately demanded that I 'say something' in Irish. Excruciating. And then she went and fetched her husband for me to 'say something else'.

Would love to know the name of that book you spoke of - seems to me to have hit the nail on the head.

Pekka -- cease and desist, please.

dontletthebellsend · 28/12/2011 17:28

I hate this. I hated it as a child and I hate seeing it done to children now I am an adult.

I hated the performing and also the implication that you weren't really good enough to just talk or play or just 'be' like everyone else in the room but you had to earn you place with tricks that you knew weren't good on an adult level and just normal amongst your peers. I hated the way you would be presented to visitors as being clever and talented and special when I knew fine well I was an ordinary girl who was quite good at maths and had a good memory but couldn't spell for toffee. Tbh I think it was a major contributor towards the shyness I had until my 30s.

spiderpig8 · 28/12/2011 18:07

Apparently as a child when asked by an aunt what colour such and such was I replied ' well can't you tell' . It is annoying.My PILs still do it with my 6 yo who is a competitive gymnast with her gymanstics moves whenever there is company.I find it really uncomfortable too (i mean DD doing them not me- that would be more than uncomfortable!!!) .

valiumredhead · 28/12/2011 18:08

Isn't that the whole point of kids? They are great fun. Sounds completely normal. That's what GP's do.

whethergirl · 28/12/2011 22:57

mathanxiety the book is called 'Baby Talk' by Sally Ward, I recommend it for anyone with a baby.

whethergirl · 28/12/2011 23:01

Completely agree dontletthebellsend. I hate it too and just cringe for any child having to go through it.

oneofthosedays · 29/12/2011 00:22

My niece came out with a classic years ago when the rellies were trying this sort of thing on, she just turned around and said 'I'm not a performing animal!' in a really cute way and it's been used for years now by me, my siblings and our kids when things start to get a bit silly with the GPs.

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