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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend has a very weird family?!

21 replies

A1980 · 26/12/2011 22:55

My friend is pg and has never been big either before or during pregnancy. Sure she is biger now that she's pg but she doesn't look as though she's put on a horrendous amount of weight. I think she looks great.

Some of the comments she has come out with make me wonder about her family set up though, I just don't get it. She is well over 30. She didnt tell anyone she was pg until after 3 months. She told me no one guessed even though she looked a bit bigger. I didn't notice at all. She told me that she had to come up with creative excuses as when she was about 2 months gone her cousin "took her aside" at a family party and told her she didn't meant to be rude but she really looked as though she was putting on weight and she ought to do something. I was thinking Shock buy my friend seemed to think it was normal.

Then coming up to christmas, she said she was glad she was pg as she could eat whatever the hell she liked, no matter how fattening, as this is the one time her family couldn't tell her off for eating lots.....?! Again I didn't say anything.

Is it really normal for a 30+ woman to have her whole family commenting on her weight and nitpicking what she eats? I've never come across it!

OP posts:
workshy · 26/12/2011 22:56

mie do it to me all the time

but then I am fat

WorraLiberty · 26/12/2011 22:57

I've never come across it either

But if this really is the case, how could she 'get away' with saying they wouldn't tell her off for eating 'whatever the hell she likes' during pregnancy?

Surely that's the very time you should watch what you eat Confused

Original poster
A1980 · 26/12/2011 22:59

^ Fat or thin, it none of the families business. It's awful!

Weirder still, my friend has always been tall and very slim. What the hell would her family be nitpicking her food for and needing an excuse to eat fatty foods when she doesn't have a wieght problem and never has had!

OP posts:
Wittsend13 · 26/12/2011 22:59

Mine do it all the time. Infact my DM doesn't stop commenting on the size of my arse and how HUGE it apparently is. I had my DS 5 months ago ffs and I'm now a size 14Xmas Hmm

Original poster
A1980 · 26/12/2011 23:01

Surely that's the very time you should watch what you eat

Sure but you can't starve yourself when pregnant either. Maybe she used to have to eat very little given the comments her family make. Now she has an excuse to eat normally maybe?! It all seemed very weird. She keeps going on about it, I can eat waht I like now, no one will say anything?! Why would they anyway?

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 26/12/2011 23:07

My former MIL was obsessed with weight (or what she perceived as my lack of it) and I was regularly reminded that "in my time we didn't expect to be thin after we'd had children".

I didn't have an eating problem. I just didn't see why it was obligatory to weigh several stones more than my natural weight for the rest of my life simply because I had once given birth. Well twice, as it happens. The fact that she was overweight wasn't my problem either.

My own family would never have dreamt of making comments about weight. So I found it most peculiar. Fortunately she is my former MIL because I've no doubt that the malevolent old boiler would now be reminding me that "in my time, we didn't expect to be thin after we'd had grandchildren".

So no, YANBU in finding this all a bit weird.

chunkythighs · 27/12/2011 00:51

Yea her family as as odd as fvck!
Sage like knowledge as my uncle will comment if I finish a large plate of salad. He has also made the same tactful comments to my bulimic recovered sister.

You should see him!

marriedandwreathedinholly · 27/12/2011 01:00

Two days after having ds my mother had a little word with me about how it was important to set an 8 week target for pre baby weight. I was so ill during the following 8 weeks that two months after ds was born I was 6Lb less than my pre baby weight!!

Didn't work after dd though and this morning I was 1lb heavier than the night before I gave birth to ds. Am 17 years older though but must set myself a two month target from tomorrow Grin.

yellowraincoat · 27/12/2011 01:02

My family, weird as they are, do not do this, thank God. I always found it really strange when I went to other people's houses and they commented on what I ate. It's food. It's not that interesting.

Fecklessdizzy · 27/12/2011 01:21

Some people just see it as their Gawd-given right to comment on your weight if you're female, preggers or not ... So next time someone says
" You'll get fat ... " When they see you tucking in to something try ...
" So I can diet, but you'll always be a total fuckwit ... Shame, innit? " Grin

I should point out I've never actually had the nerve to do this out loud, but it sounds great in your head ... Wink

SebastionTheCrab · 27/12/2011 01:28

Some people are obsessed with not eating too much and not being greedy. Mine are a little like this.
I got told yesterday by my DM in front of everybody that I was getting fat. Angry
The fact they all smoke isn't a cause for concern though. Confused

TapirBackRidersJinglyBells · 27/12/2011 02:31

Some people have no idea that their comments are unwelcome; or that there are some personal boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.

If her family are like this about other things, they may have no idea that they are, in fact, rude and overly concerned in things that they shouldn't be.

TroublesomeEx · 27/12/2011 07:14

Mine do it all the time too.

Well my mum does.

I'm a curvy 12 atm and, whilst my jeans don't fit quite so well, I actually like my more Rubenesque physique. My mum doesn't.

"Ooh, you're looking a bit fat"

"what size are you really?... Let me see the label" (she won't have it that I'm a 12 because she's a 14 and I'm "clearly fatter" than she is Shock

"well you look ok but you really don't want to put on any more weight do you?" if that sounds like the response to a question, or a conversation, it wasn't. At least not one that was happening anywhere other than her head.

She used to comment on the fact I had smaller boobs than her too. Although that seems to have stopped since she had a mastectomy. Hmm

I don't think I've ever commented on anyone's weight!

troisgarcons · 27/12/2011 07:56

Well, you never know the medical back histories of families. If there is a propensity to weight gain in middle age/menopause then perhaps it's just their way of keeping an eye out for each other.

Also the girl in question didn't find anything peculiar about it - just hte OP - therefore the family isn#t rude. It's just the way they are.

fledtoscotland · 27/12/2011 08:11

My mothers best comment to me was "you can't be a size 14- I'm a size 14 and you are fatter than me"

Some families are just nasty

tryingtoleave · 27/12/2011 08:17

I think it is common (though not normal) for families to comment on eating. My friend didn't want to see her parents before she told them she was pregnant because she was afraid they would tell her she was looking fat. When I used to visit cousins I was Shock at how the mother used to harass her dd about how much she was eating. My mil frequently comments on the sort of food I cook and eat, telling me it is fatty. Well, I am thin(ish)and she is overweight, so I think she shouldn't be bringing up the topic, but it is obviously on her mind a lot.

RueDeWakening · 27/12/2011 08:18

My (morbidly obese) uncle loves telling family that they've put on weight. Last time he did that to me, I'd lost 15kgs of baby weight since he saw me last. Fucker.

Mind you, DM and DGM once saw him get in a lift for 4 people and set the alarm off because he was too fat for it to move GrinGrin

bagelmonkey · 27/12/2011 08:43

I just wonder how long OP has known her friend. Maybe she was obese & lost loads of weigh before OP met her & her family are trying to look out for her if they saw her struggle to lose a load of weight in the past.

midori1999 · 27/12/2011 08:52

It's awful to comment on someone's weight or what they eat IMO and very rude. My in laws are dreadful for it, although they seem to realise I don't give a shit what they think as they have stopped with me.

However, DH is slim. He's at the top end of his healthy weight range, but goodness knows how as his legs/arms are like toothpicks and other than his naturally 'chubby cheeks' as he calls them he is rake like. He also has to stay very fit for his job. Yet MIL still recently called him 'podgy'. It makes me so angry as DH is convinced he's fat anyway, presumably down to their constant comments growing up.

What's worse about the whole thing is that step FIL isn't exactly slim himself!

Winkly · 27/12/2011 10:48

My family AND my in-laws are like that and it drives me round the bend. MIL criticising FIL for eating too many sweets and getting fat (he's not, and with early stage Alzheimers, surely not an issue?) 14yo niece, twig like and beautiful, studying photos of herself for any signs of fat. DH's aunt to me - "you've lost a lot of weight since I saw you last" -at my fucking wedding!! And if I started on my own family, I'd be here all day. Angry

molepomandmistletoe · 27/12/2011 11:04

Mine do that all the time too. Now I dont talk to them.

On the few rare occations we do talk or I get mentioned the first thing they ask is "is she still slim or has she got fat?"

Even my mum started it until I said that each time she asks, I will go up a size. She hasnt mentioned it since.

As for the family, well, I dont talk to them for more serious reasons (ie, they are cunts) so I dont give a shit what they think anyway.

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