Background: I am 27, I have an almost 10 year old son. I have thus far: moved in with his Dad when I was pregnant. At 18 I went back to college - when DS was 6 months old. At 19 I learned to drive, and bought a car. I then went to Uni the same year. I spent 3 years training to be a midwife. When DS was 5 I qualified and started working. A year later I bought my first house. A year after that I split up with DS's dad, after 8 years together. It was my decision. I then spent a year as a single parent.
I am now in a new relationship. We have been together over 2 years. We would like to get married and have children - this year.
My mum and dad separated when I was 9. Both are remarried. Neither have any more children. My mum lives fairly close to me - my dad lives in Switzerland. My mum is a headteacher, and my Dad does something in IT (highly paid, not sure of his job title).
Both of my parents have bought me up to think of marriage as something that is wrong, and having children is also wrong!! Its fine for other people - but not me. I told my mum I was engaged last year, and she nearly had a meltdown until I told her it would be another 2 years before we got married. Even then, she wasn't happy. Dad had a similar reaction, but not as bad as my mum. They acted like I told them I was a drug dealer or similar!
My mum has told me over and over and over again for the last 10 years that I shouldn't have any more children. She tells me she will be disappointed in me. Has also referred to DS as a mistake several times over the years (she loves him to bits though, and has been a massive help in the last 3 years since splitting with his dad - so I hope she doesn't really see him in this way).
Basically both my mum and dad just think I should be concentrating on my career. My mum tells me I should continue with my education - ie. Do a masters - couldn't think of anything less appealing tbh. My dad wants me to get in to management, or leave the NHS and go and work for a large company doing something completely different than midwifery! I am quite sure my Dad would only be proud of me if I was a Doctor, Vet, Lawyer etc. I do want my career - or I wouldn't be doing the damned hard work I do now! But I don't see why I wouldn't want marriage and more children as well as a career. It seems as natural as breathing to me.
I do have my reservations about marriage, because I have seen what has happened to my parents - plus the fact that the house is in my name, and I worry about anyone else getting a part of it - as this is my childs home, and I have worked so hard to give him this. At one point earlier this year I had convinced myself that I would never marry DP because of these feelings.
I have now come to realise that I am in fact embarrassed, and reluctant to tell my parents anything because I just don't want to let them down. I feel I let them down by having DS at 17. I don't want to face their disappointment again.
I am not being unreasonable to want marriage and children at 27, am I?
Would I be unreasonable to just get married and never tell them? Me and DP have no way of affording a proper wedding, so have considered just buggering off to a registry office and doing it, then going to somewhere daft, just us and DS to celebrate - like a night at Alton Towers!
Sadly, I don't think I could hide a baby quite as well. Tut.
Help me!! Why do I feel such a failure to my parents!!!