Probably am, want to tell me how badly? (long and dull.)

[FrostyTheCrunchyFrog]

Warning: Rambling, disjointed and full of probably unreasonable rage and sadness.

XH and I agreed that we would still spend Xmas as a family for the kids' sake.

This year has been just plain horrid. For me. I have scrimped/ scraped/ saved since August to make sure the children got the presents they wanted.

He has his parents visiting, so I said, whatever time you want, that's fine, as long as the children stay here Christmas Eve. We agreed that I would text when they woke Xmas day, and he would be here straight away (lives a 5 min walk away.)

So, texted Xmas day. Rang after a while, he was having fucking breakfast. Kids were great, not being whiney, but understandably keen to get in the living room and see if Santa had been. We waited over an hour, and when he arrived he brought a small gift for each of them and announced that they were "Santa presents from Daddy." He contributed £20 towards 1 of DD's gifts, the rest I have done alone.

The rest of Xmas Day spent with him, his parents and my mum and sister. They all get on like a house on fire, and I deal with lovely snide comments about how much money I have, how often I go out, how WONDERFUL XH is for "having" the kids for me etc etc etc.

Kids and I spent time together choosing his gift from them, which he loved. I got a £1 box of chocolates and a calendar, kids hadn't been consulted at all. DD (aged 8) bought me a present and wrapped it herself - he's "lost" it.

Yeah. Thanks, XH. I wonder if his parents know I've had child support payments 3 times this year?

He and his parents are now sitting in my Mum's house, playing family Xmas games and having a great old time. I have apparently excluded myself.

Basically, I feel that I have been super reasonable, and been kicked in the teeth. Which I know is punishment for the whole leaving him thing, but FFS, it's been over 2 years!

So, AIBU to feel that he and his parents could have at least gone back to his house tonight and let me and my kids have SOME time as a family with my mum, without them there? I couldn't stay any longer, I have been biting my tongue all day and just wanted to take my babies home and shut the door on the whole fucking lot of them.

Ok moaning was the wrong word there...we all like a moan/vent

What I mean is, you need to tell them if them not knowing this gets on your nerves in any way.

Frosty - they can share Christmas with him, just on different days - one day with their Mum & one day with their Dad - convincing kids having 2 christmasses is better than one is not hard

I'd also be telling his parents about his lack of payment and other lack he might have. Stop allowing them to treat him like the golden boy and you like crap.

As for anyone telling you that you had no reason to leave him because he didn't hit you or cheat on you - I hope you don't believe that shit ??

I sense you feel that you have a price to pay for leaving him and this is it (always bending to everyone else's will about things, trying to keep him & the kids happy etc). That is CRAP. You have one life, live it. Of course you have to think about the kids, but they can't always have what they want because what they want isn't always what they (or you) need. Even if you were still together (god forbid) they wouldn't always get what they want, there's no need to continually over compensate.

Oh, gosh no. I'm well empowered, me.

I am very happy single, he isn't.

I was miserable in the relationship, he wasn't.

But we are supposed to put up and shut up, aren't we? After all, I made the choice to marry him etc yada yada blah.

I don't know that I am unusual - being the instigator I feel that I have a responsibility to keep things as close to normal as they can be?

Oh, man alive, I don't know.

I am looking forward to tomorrow - don't have to see them until 4pm. I am going to build a TARDIS and a Playmobile caravan, and live in kidworld for the day.

Thanks for support, I so needed to vent xx

awwww my lovely YADNBU he is a silly twunty Mac Bollox really isn;t he

FWIW I think it's a decent human being thing to want to make Christmas nice and normal for kids - ex left me for another woman yet I still bite my tongue and do the joint Christmas thing - because the kids matter more than petty point scoring - maybe he needs to learn this and generally grow the fuck up

wish I was comming your way for new year ;)

I hope you are having a good day today and are having too much fun in kidworld to be on here!!

Yes, you instigated it you evil bitch - so put up and shut up - quit your moaning

OR

alternatively embrace the fact that you got out of it and do what is right for you and the kids, not what is closest to what was before. Spending Christmas together is not what is best - clearly! The kids can have 2 Christmas Day's like the huge majority of kids do - whether that's down to separated parents or both sides of the family. It's no hardship :)

Dud the kids enjoy it? If so, give yourself a big pat on the back!!!

It was superhuman of you to put up with all this so that your DCs had a lovely Christmas.
But you would also be perfectly entitled to arrange things next year so that you and they all enjoy Christmas, and your ex and his DPs can make their own arrangements. Ex could have them part of the day/Christmas Eve/Boxing Day.
There's a new "normal" now. It's great that you and your ex try to get along for your DCs' sake. But that doesn't mean you have to pretend everything is just like it used to be.