to not be looking forward to this party?

[hatesponge]

good friend is having a big party in a few weeks for a 'significant' birthday. In a hall, caterers, DJ etc, about 75 people going.

Have discovered today one of those going is a ex-friend I haven't spoken to for well over 5 years. We had a falling out in relation to her wedding (v long story I wont rehash but she was a total bridezilla over it all). Party friend kept in touch with her and has (rightly or wrongly) fed back various comments she's made about me over the years since then. High on the list are her calling me a whore, suggesting I was after her husband, how I shag around, have an empty life and will never find a boyfriend. And so on.

What I've heard doesnt surprise me as she has form for being mean - years ago shortly after one of my parents died (and we were actually still friends, supposedly!) I got quite upset on a night out, she accused me of being self-centred and ruining her evening, and told me not to bother coming out until I'd cheered up

Anyway, in view of the above, I'm not looking forward to seeing her. I have no desire to speak to her and am quite happy to keep my distance. I also wouldnt want to spoil the party for the host by having some screaming row. But I know she will be there all night surrounded by her family (who are all invited as friends with family of host) bitching away about me. Especially as I will be there on my own - thereby proving her comment that I cant keep/find a man.

I really dont want to miss the party but am dreading going on my own and either hearing all the snidey comments/being told about them and knowing they are all laughing at me. I know I should rise above it but it's not always that easy...

In a group of 75 people if there is one (or a few) who you don't wish to speak to you don't have to speak to them. It's not as if there will be just a handful of you around a table. So YAB a bit U. There is no reason to believe that your ex-friend and her family will be the slightest bit interested in talking about you or to you.

I am not particularly impressed with your "friend" telling you "X says you are a whore" when you and X no longer have any contact.

I would still go.
Make sure you feel good and confident in whatever you decide to wear.
Can you arrange to go with anyone else who is invited and walk in with them, and therefore ensure you have someone to sit and chat with straight away?
I wouldn't show I was bothered by her either. If you do have to come into close contact with the ex friend just smile politely then walk on by, go and make your way to the bar or toilet or anywhere, unless she specifically makes the first move to speak to you.
I do agree with Trills in that it is not tactful of your other friend to keep you informed about how the ex friend slags you off.

I actually wouldnt go. Simple reason being, 75 people isnt that many and if all her family and freinds are going,you are going to be so outnumbered. One in 3 people will be related to her. As you say, you know they will all be bitching about you - even if they arent - you will be paranoid enough to assume they are. Alcohol loosens tongues; it's a recipe for disaster.

I wouldn't go personally unless lots of others of your friends will be there.

And agree with Trills that the party friend doesn't sound all that great a friend either.

I wouldn't go. Way way way too much stress - and if you're brooding about it now, think what you'll be like after a few more weeks have passed.

Agree that invitee friend is a bit iffy for "helpfully" passing on those comments to you - can't see what she possibly thought that would achieve.

I wouldn't go. I just hate events where there are people you don't want to see.

Party friend is nice but a bit insensitive, I'm not quite sure why she used to pass the various comments on (I think she thought she was being fair by telling me what other friend was saying about me). A while ago I asked her not to tell me anything more that was said about me, and she hasnt mentioned it since.

I have a couple of other friends going who know ex friend and the whole history & who (if I go) I know will be supportive. However they'll be with their DH/DPs so won't necessarily want me hanging round them all night. A few other friends are going who don't know her - to be fair I will probably know a lot more people than her, but she will be more in a group than me iyswim...

Get a stunningly beutiful male friend to go with and spend all night with other friends. You dont have to talk to her at all, and I'm sure they have better things to do than talk about you after years have passed.
@ friend passing on comments, that is helpful to no one!

If party friend has been passing comments insensitively to you, she's probably been doing the same to wedding-fall-out friend about you too.

How many people will you know at the party? I'd go, provided there are enough people you already know to dilute any awkward company.

I agree with lisad123, take a fella along, look gorgeous, have a spray tan, get a new lipgloss and do a lot of hair swishing. Don't get pissed. Look glamorous and ladylike all evening and smile a lot vennifbits a bit fake. Leave early too x

Please go.
It is very, very easy to avoid people at gatherings like these. People are usually happy to be friendly and chat and socialise with people they don't know and every time she is anywhere near you , you can move off to the loo or bar. Do it, you'll feel better after.
I was in a similar situation a while back and actually felt sick with nerves on the day but it was fine.

Hire a stunning escort! Not for seedy sex, just as literally an escort, she'll never know!!

Or more helpfully just go and sit with people you're friendly with, and ignore her!

@ escort! I do have a very attractive and extremely buff gay friend however I think it would be far too suburban an event for him to agree to come along, sadly!

I would (however shallow this may seem) feel much better if I had a bf to go with. but absent that I'll try and make do with great dress hair and make up :)